Canadian humour mirrors the nature of this crisp, cool and beautiful country. Will and Guy have decided to include Canadian humour to balance our other funny pages which laugh at the Americans, Australians, Irish as well as the English.
- You May Live in Canada If ...
- Niagara Fall Freeze 1911
- Funny, Clean and Amusing Canadian Jokes
- Funny Canadian Stories
- Canada Day July 1st
- If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there.
- If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
- If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend.
- If you measure distance in hours.
- If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
- If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again.
- If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
- If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your wife knows how to use them.
- If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km, you're going 95 and everybody is passing you.
- If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
- If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction. (Cheryl says:'This is my favourite, because how true')
- If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
- If you find -2F degrees 'a little chilly'.
The Maple Leaf FlagA Canadian couple was strolling through Hyde Park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said, 'Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians.' 'Indeed we are,' replied the Canadian gentleman. 'I hope you won't mind my asking,' said the Brit, 'but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?' 'Well,' replied the Canadian gentleman, 'one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known.' The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, 'And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?' 'Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto,' the Canadian lady piped up. The Brit then asked, 'And what are those six words?' The Canadian smiled and replied, 'They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.' Footnote: The flag of Canada has two red bars and a white centre - within which is a maple leaf. It was adopted as the National Flag in 1965. [Previously Canada used the Union Jack - the British Flag.] The National emblem of a maple leaf and has been associated with Canada since the 1700's.
The New Canadian Tax FormCanada's T1 Tax Return Form [New Simple Format] 1. How much money did you make? $___,_____,_____ 2. Send it to us.
Moose Hunter Wanted
When Canada Was CreatedOn the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said, 'Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty; it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.' God continued, 'I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.' 'But Lord,' responded Gabriel, 'don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?' 'No, not really.' God replied..........'Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them.'
What is a Canadian?A Canadian is a fellow wearing English tweeds, a Hong Kong shirt and Spanish shoes, who sips Brazilian coffee sweetened with Philippine sugar from a Bavarian cup while nibbling Swiss cheese, sitting at a Danish desk over a Persian rug, after coming home in a German car from an Italian movie... And then writes to his Member of Parliament with a Japanese ballpoint pen on French paper, demanding that he do something about foreigners taking away our Canadian jobs.
More Canada Fun Facts and Trivia
- Canada's land mass is 9,970,610 km2 and is the world's second largest country
- Ottawa is the Capital of Canada [located in Ontario]
- Canada has 10 provinces and 3 territories.
- There are more than 100 national parks and historic sites in Canada.
- At 6050 m above sea level, Mount Logan in the Yukon is Canada's tallest peak.
- Great Bear lake is the largest lake in Canada with an area of 31 326 km2
- The longest river is the Mackenzie River flowing 4241 km through the North West Territory.
- Canada has six time zones.
- Canada's capital, Ottawa, has the coldest average temperature of any capital city in the world.
Seen in a department store in Vancouver, Canada: Bargain Basement Upstairs.