Marriage Jokes

Bride Groom Wedding Speech Jokes

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you.  They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. – Anonymous

10 Clean Jokes to Work Into Your Groom’s Wedding Speech

You can write the speech yourself, alternatively, you can get a book of wedding speeches and then modify one.  However, if you want to make a really funny groom’s speech, then it must come from your heart.

1. The Logic of Marriage – A Child’s View

Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, ‘Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.’

His father explains, ‘For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.’

So Jack answers, ‘I’ve already found a girl.’

‘Who?’ splutters his Dad. ‘Grandma,’ continues Jack happily.

‘Now, let me get this straight,’ his father says. ‘You want to marry my mother? …………….. You can’t do that.’

‘I don’t see why not?’ Jack responds, ‘You married mine!’

Three Short Jokes For the Nuptials

Everyone should have a spouse because there are several things that go wrong that one can’t blame on the government.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree, and the woman gets her master’s.

My opinions are my wife’s, and she says that I’m lucky to have them.

2. How To Avoid Marriage

Bride and groom cartoon

‘Darling,’ says Barry to his wife, Sarah, ‘I invited a friend home for supper.’

‘What? Are you crazy?’ Sarah splutters, ‘The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t much feel like cooking a fancy meal.’

‘I know all that,’ murmurs Barry.

‘Then why did you invite a friend for supper?’ explodes Sarah.

‘Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married,’ concludes Barry.

How to become a wedding mc

3. The Promise of Marriage

Molly and Peter have been married for almost 48 years have raised a brood of 12 children and are blessed with 23 grandchildren.

When asked about the secret for staying together all that time, Molly replies, ‘Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.’

4. How To Celebrate Marriage

While enjoying a lunchtime pint in a Newcastle pub on Scotswood Road, four elderly Geordies* were discussing everything from football, the economy, to the weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually, the conversation moved on to their wives. One bloke turned to the guy on his right and asked, ‘Eh, Alan, aren’t you and your lass celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?’

‘Sure, man, we are,’ Alan replied.

‘Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate, man?’ another bloke asked.

Alan pondered this for a moment, then replied, ‘For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Hazel to Sunderland. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her back.’

*Geordie – is a regional nickname for a person from the Tyneside [NE] region of England, or the name of the dialect of English spoken by these people.

5. Is Romance Dead?

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian’s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug, and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her, and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Dave thought he’d give it a go.

When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her, and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, ‘This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle.  Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!’

  • Do practice your Groom speech until you can recite it naturally and without hesitation.  To gain extra confidence find out precisely at what point during the reception you should give the speech.  Usually, it’s after the father-of-the-bride’s speech.

6. How To Make A Marriage Successful

Second Honeymoon cartoon

‘The thrill, the excitement is gone from my marriage,’ George complains to his mate, Tony.

‘Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?’ suggests Tony naughtily.

‘But what if my wife finds out?’ frowns George.

‘Lummee, George,’ explains Tony, ‘this is the 21st century we live in, mate. Go ahead and tell her about it.’

So George returns home and says, ‘Poppet, I think an affair will bring us closer together.’

‘Forget it,’ replies his wife. ‘I’ve tried that – it didn’t work.’

7. A Question Of Marriage Guidance

Vicky, a young single lady visits the local dating agency and explains, ‘I’m looking for a husband.  Can you please help me to find a suitable one?’

The dating receptionist needs to find out some details so she asks, ‘ What are your requirements, please?’

‘Well, let me see.’ Vicky says, ‘He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and being silent when I want to rest.’

The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, ‘I understand. You need a television.’

8. Never Be Afraid to Ask for Help

What more can Will and Guy say?  If all else fails, asking for help will get you a laugh and buy you time.

Harpo, she’s a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. – said Oscar Levant, to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo’s fiancĂ©e.

9. Rehearse The Church Service: A True Story

At a wedding ceremony at which Father Brian Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the final blessing at the end of the service.

Louise, the bride, totally misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a high-five.

Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.

10. The Seven Ages of the Married Cold

Credit card sign

1st year – The husband says, ‘Oh, darling, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the private hospital and have you admitted for a couple of days of rest. I know the food is good there, and I’ve already spoken to the Matron and the Hospital chef and I’ve paid the bill.

2nd year – ‘Listen, sweetie, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve phoned the doctor and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go to bed and get the rest you need? I’ll bring you something to eat when you’re hungry.’

3rd year – ‘Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I’ll bring you something; do we have any canned soup around here anywhere?’

4th year – ‘No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go straight to bed yourself.’

5th year – ‘Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?’

6th year – ‘You ought to gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog.’

7th year – ‘For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia?  You’d better pick up some tissues while you’re at the supermarket.’

Footnote: No.10 above, was kindly sent by Solly, a regular reader.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburetor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’

She said, ‘In the lake.’ (Henny Youngman)

Wedding Hymn Sheet

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress and asked what was wrong. She replied that she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.

  • First the aisle, cos that is what you’ll be walking down.
  • Secondly, the altar because that is where you will arrive.
  • Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.

While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words…

… Aisle, alter hymn (I’ll alter him)

Newlywed Conversation

“Dear, don’t expect the first few meals to be great. It takes time to find the right restaurant.”

Devil or Angel?

fired from job cartoon

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. “Stop! Stand still!  If you take one more step, a brick will fall on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while, he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “And where the hell were you when I got married?”

A Five-Year-Old Child’s Funny View Of Weddings

Hilary, a grandmother, overhears her 5-year-old granddaughter, Mo, playing “weddings.”

As the little girl, Mo marches the bride down the aisle, the wedding vows go something like this: ‘You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may now kiss the bride.’

Five Funny Wedding Shorts

Wedding Oops cartoon
  1. Nicky: I’m a man of few words. Mike: I’m married, too.
  2. The five essential words for a good marriage: ‘I apologize’ and ‘You are right.’
  3. A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.
  4. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
  5. My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.


A Brief Guide to the Etiquette and Tradition of Wedding Day Speeches

Here is the traditional order of wedding speeches:

The father of the bride. A good way to start is to welcome all the guests.  He then usually talks fondly about his daughter.  As with most speeches, it is accepted that a mixture of affectionate anecdotes and humor generally works well.  He then toasts the bride and groom.

The groom speaks next and replies on behalf of himself and his wife [in these modern times it should be remembered that more and more brides are making their own speeches*]. He aims to thank those people involved in helping them both in the planning of the wedding and distributes gifts to those who are to receive more than a verbal “thank you.”  The groom then may talk about his new wife before proposing a toast to the bridesmaids.

My wife – and I love saying that! – would not be the person she is without the love and support of her parents.  And I want to thank them for welcoming me into their family.  As my new mother-in-law said, she is not losing a daughter but gaining a washer-upper!

*If the bride is to make a speech it should take place following the groom’s. It may seem obvious, but joint speeches should be coordinated well beforehand since both will probably wish to say much the same thing.

The best man’s speech now follows. He thanks the bride and bridegroom on behalf of the bridesmaids and himself for asking them to be part of their special day and for the gifts they have received and then he reads out telegrams, cards, e-mails, or other messages from friends and relatives who couldn’t be at the wedding. He will then go on to talk about the groom in what can be the highlight or in some cases lowlight, of the wedding speeches. Humor and anecdote abound.  Finally, the best man should then propose a toast to the parents of the bride and bridegroom.

Will and Guy say that if you are looking for help in preparing your speech then please spend some time reading our carefully prepared pages. If you have any good groom wedding speech jokes, then please send them to us.  A modern trend is for the maid of honor to make a speech.

Clean Wedding Toasts – Funny Speeches

  • A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries. Anon

“Toasting” has its roots in France, where the French have a tradition of putting a piece of bread into a champagne-filled glass to absorb sediments.  Remember that during the wedding toast, the bride and groom are not supposed to raise their glasses during the toast, it’s a moment where others raise their glasses to the bridal couple.

  • To the bride – She needs no eulogy – she speaks for herself.
  • A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.  Anon
  • They do not love that do not show their love – William Shakespeare
  • Love is friendship set to music – Anonymous
  • To love someone deeply gives you strength.  Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage – Lao Tzu
  • Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • Love is life – Leo Tolstoy
  • Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination – Voltaire
  • May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river – Traditional African proverb
  • Marriage is like a golden ring in a chain, whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity – Kahlil Gibran
  • We never live so intensely as when we love strongly. We never realize ourselves so vividly as when we are in full glow of love for others – Walter Rauschenbusch
  • There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved – Georges Sand
  • Without love, the world itself would not survive – Lope de Vega
  • When love reigns, the impossible may be attained – Indian proverb

Ten Funny Wedding Toasts by the Famous

You can write the toast yourself, or you can get a book of wedding toasts and then modify one. If you are going to make a funny wedding toast, then it must come from the heart.

Do practice the toast until you can recite it naturally and without hesitation.  Finally, to gain extra confidence find out precisely at what point during the reception you should give the toast.  If in doubt, give it immediately after the blessing.

Wedding cars
  1. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
  2. In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which still continues.  (Helen Rowland)
  3. Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, and half shut afterward. (Benjamin Franklin)
  4. By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  (Socrates)
  5. A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)
  6. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
  7. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. (Milton Berle)
  8. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all.
  9. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
  10. Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing. (Goethe)

More Clean One-liners for Your Wedding Toast

Remember to tell the wedding reception who you are.  Although the immediate family does know you, some guests may not realize your connection to the bride and groom.  Thus introducing yourself is not only good manners, but also makes you more interesting to the rest of the audience.

  • Here’s to the women who love me terribly.  May they soon improve.
  • Losing a wife can be hard.  In my case, it was almost impossible.
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
  • My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.  So I got two girlfriends.
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
  • How do most men define marriage?  A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Slow Learner?

After his husband forgets the wedding anniversary, his wife tells him: ‘You’d better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.’

The next day, she finds on the road, a bathroom scale.

General Toasts That Can Be Modified for a Wedding

  • May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
  • May your fire never go out.
  • May your well never run dry.
  • May we be alive at this time next year?
  • May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out.
  • May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.

What Kind of Wedding Do You Want, My love?

‘I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.’

Anonymous

Evocative picture of the marriage bureau

Marriage Bureau Mental Health sign

Marriage one-liners

  • I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
  • After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
  • Woman inspires us to do great things, and prevent us from achieving them. Alexandre Dumas

The international symbol of marriage approved

Geneva Switzerland: January 19th 2007. Chairwoman: Ms Jane Plastique

The Commission on Human Rights approved the following international symbol of marriage:

More Marriage One-liners

  • The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’  Sigmund Freud
  • There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason for madness. Friedrich Nietzsche
  • I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous
  • week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’ Henry Youngman
  • ‘I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.’ Sam Kinison
  • ‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’ James Holt McGavran
  • ‘I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.’ Patrick Murray
  • Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1). Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. 2). Whenever you’re right, shut up. Nash
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. Anonymous
  • Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.  Mae West.
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle
  • Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous
  • A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Anonymous
  • The first man proudly, ‘My wife’s an angel!’  ‘Second man, ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

Unusual Wedding Invitation

Wedding Invite

What is this?

The above picture shows a vinyl record made by artist and designer Kelli Anderson for her friend.  The invitation is a rudimentary record player that guests could spin with a finger.

The Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Will and Guy have long suspected that two holidays a year, meaningful conversation twice a week, and cuddles eleven times a fortnight are among the secrets to a happy marriage and now a study has shown it to be true.

Recent research among 2,000 happily married couples has identified the main ingredients for successful unions write Will and Guy.  It indicates quite clearly that couples benefit from taking a short break away together twice a year and eating out in restaurants at least three times a month.

Furthermore, it pays to be affectionate, as wedded folk tend to share a lingering kiss six times a week and say ‘I love you’ up to nine times a fortnight.

However, the research points out that it doesn’t need to be sweetness and light the whole time; as the average happy couple has at least one healthy argument a week.

The survey also shows that while couples like to have drinks at the pub together three times a month, there will also be a couple of girls’ and boys’ nights as well, where people can enjoy a night out with friends instead of their other half.

Happily married couples tend to make time for at least five movie nights at home, in contrast to their usual evenings spent fighting over the remote control or disagreeing about what to watch.

Also, we can state that most men and women will make little romantic gestures – such as cooking a nice meal or taking their spouse a cup of tea in bed – three times a month.

Interestingly, falling in love with a partner at first sight is NOT indicative that a relationship is meant to be, as only 42% of happy couples say this was the case. As we have recognized for many years it is friendship that is important, as 47% of those people polled say they were friends with a partner before they became an item, and then eventually married.

Other contributors to a successful marriage include making quality time for each other (50%), supporting each other (49%) and being kind (39%).

A fifth of couples make a point of never going to bed on an argument, and 21% say the key to a happy marriage is to try to turn a blind eye to irritating habits.

Knowing when to say sorry is a big step in the right direction for 33% of people, while 35% claim to be happy because they share the household chores equally.

Compromising on the television schedule, being honest, retaining a degree of secrecy, and accepting each other’s faults all play a part in a happy marriage.

Having just researched this item, Will is now going to leave his office and go to the kitchen and prepare the evening meal for his wife.

Father of the Bride Speeches Jokes – Funny Wedding Stories

A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.

Clean, Funny Jokes Taken from Father of the Bride Speeches

Father of Bride cartoon
  • Advice to a person about to marry – Don’t. First appeared in Punch magazine, in 1845.
  • My wife says I never listen, or something like that…………………..
  • Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
  • A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.
  • Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s.
  • It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
  • Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

Life After Marriage

Daniel and Jessica were a young couple, that got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jessica immediately ‘phoned her mother and her mother asked, ‘How was the honeymoon, dearest?’

‘Oh, Ma,’ she replied, ‘the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic…’

Then Jessica burst out crying. ‘But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Daniel started using the most ghastly language… saying things I’ve never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home…. Please Ma.’

‘Calm down, Jessica!,’ said her mother, ‘Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?’

Still sobbing, Jessica whispered, ‘Oh, Ma…words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.’

More Tales for a Father of the Bride Speech

Wedding Present – Kindly sent in by JC.

I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter’s wedding.  Just for your information, the seating arrangement has been specially organized with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back.  (Pause)

There is a special thanks for Uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove.  (Pause)

The bride would like to ask Uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary.

Try Something Different

One Father of the Bride speech started with this poem by Cosmo Monkhouse

There was an old party of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked, ‘Why the third?’
He replied, ‘One’s absurd
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!

Seven Tips To Work Into Your Father of the Bride Speeches

Marriage Insult
  • My wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats. – Woody Allen
  • Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery – George Nathan
  • Confucius says, ‘Man who sinks into woman’s arms; soon has his arms in woman’s sink.’
  • Married couples, who love each other, tell each other a thousand things without talking. – Chinese Proverb
  • Marriage is like wine – It gets better with age. – Dudley Moore
  • Successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Germaine Greer
  • It was an emotional wedding. The mother of the bride cried.  Even the cake was in tiers.

Three Tips from the Voice of Experience

For better or worse cartoon
  1. Early in your marriage, you will find it difficult to get the last word in any discussion. With time, though, you will learn how to always get the last two words in every discussion; just make sure the words are: ‘Yes dear.’
  2. When my daughter announced she planned to marry the groom I thought I had better carry out some background checks.  So I went to his local police station and asked if he was well-behaved.  The sergeant behind the desk was very reassuring. They never had any bother with him whenever he spent the night there.
  3. Marriage is an institution, and that’s where a couple finishes up.

The Secret of a Successful Marriage

‘The thrill, the excitement is gone from my marriage,’ George complains to his mate, Tony.

‘Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?’ suggests Tony naughtily.

‘But what if my wife finds out?’ frowns George.

‘Lummee, George,’ explains Tony, ‘this is the 21st century we live in, mate. Go ahead and tell her about it.’

So George returns home and says, ‘Poppet, I think an affair will bring us closer together.’

‘Forget it,’ replies his wife. ‘I’ve tried that – it didn’t work.’

A clue to Happiness in Marriage

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Five Wedding Shorts

Bride and groom drawing
  1.  ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ Carla asked her husband. Christopher looked at her from head to toe and replied, ‘I like your sense of humor.’
  2. The five essential words for a good marriage: ‘I apologize’ and ‘You are right.’
  3. A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.
  4. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
  5. My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.

Advice To The Couple

[In the form of a cake recipe]

Ingredients:

4lbs of love
½ lb of sweet temper
1lb of butter of youth
1lb of blindness of faults
1lb of pounded wit
1lb of good humour
2lbs of sweet argument
1 pint of rippling laughter
1 wine glass of common sense
A dash of modesty

Method:

Put the love, good looks, and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults.  Stir the pounded wit and good humor into the sweet argument, then add the
rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until everything is well mixed and bake gently forever.


An Alternative Ending For Your Father of the Bride Speech

A stylish way to finish a Father of the Bride speech is with a poem.  If you have a good longish speech, then maybe one verse will do to round off your speech before the toast.

Another tactic is to complete the formalities of welcoming the guests, thanking them for coming to help celebrate the wedding of your daughter.  Then read a poem to steady your nerves before launching into the main part of your speech.  As ever, preparation builds confidence, then reading your audience is the key to success.  A good poem means that you have something up your sleeve.

A Funny Marriage Poem: Yes, I’ll Marry You by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbor
Should our Labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

An Amusing and Funny Nuptials Poem

Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving

Caring and Sharing and screaming and swearing
About being together
whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About Sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when
you know you are right
It’s about giving in before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one[you can give us a call if you know how that’s done]

Never heeding advice that was always well-meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness.

Fathers Are Prepared

As an aside, it’s interesting that twice as many people trawl Google for ‘Father of the bride speeches’ than search for ‘best man speeches’. What also amuses Guy is that in my family normally it’s the women who have the most to say, yet at the reception, there is no convention that allows the women to make a speech.

The Origin of Honeymoon

If we go back 4,500 years to Babylon, the custom was for the bride’s father to supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink for a month.

Now mead is known as honey beer and because their calendar was calculated from the moon, this period was called the honey month, which translates to honeymoon.


Advice for The Father of The Bride Speech from Will and Guy

Wedding suit cartoon

The father of the bride speech is traditionally the first speech at the reception and therefore there is some pressure for the deliverer to set a high standard.  Will, who has taught for some 30 years, would still find this a daunting experience despite having talked in front of people a thousand times or more.  We hope this template may help a nervous and anxious speaker to formulate a cracking speech.

The basic idea is to convey the significance of the marriage with humor and eloquence that suits the occasion.  Make a conscious decision whether to make the tone sweet and sentimental or wickedly funny.

Begin your speech by welcoming everyone to the function; especially the family of the groom. Tell the assembled company something about yourself that will introduce you to the guests who do not know you particularly well.

Compliment the ceremony and perhaps comment on how beautiful the newly married couple look together.  Inject some humor by relating events in the planning that you found funny.

Talk about your daughter fondly, amusingly, and especially, anecdotally.  Have a couple of stories that are perhaps touching or amusing.  Do not embarrass anyone.  Talk about her achievements and your special relationship.  Silly
stories about your daughter can be a welcome addition to the speech.  This is needed to lighten up the situation and have everyone laugh a little.  Talk about some of the standout moments before her wedding, events that make the bride an unforgettable individual.  What makes you proud of having her as your daughter?

Tell the guests about your dreams for your daughter and how she has accomplished some of them and enough to make you proud.  Mention amongst your father-of-the-bride jokes the ups and downs of her life, but please, do not mention stories about her former boyfriends. Give some advice; impart some wisdom from your years of experience that the couple can take away with them. If you are still married then try and think of a reason it has lasted and if not then think of a reason that marriages break down and how it can be avoided. Say something special and warm about your daughter and the groom’s relationship. Mention how happy and proud you are on this auspicious occasion.

Thank the family of the groom and the rest of the guests; wish the newlyweds the best things to come.  Offer a toast to the bride and groom wishing them all the happiness in the world.

Be sincere, relax, smile, and be confident; that way you honor your daughter with a great Father of the Bride speech.

Funny Best Man Speeches – Wedding Jokes

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which continues…

Marriage – A Three Ring Circus

When contemplating marriage, a man should always remember that there are three rings involved.

  1. The engagement ring.
  2. The wedding ring.
  3. Suffering.

Learn to Read the Signs

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, “Mother of Six,” despite her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home, Mother of Six?’

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff’s lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, ‘Anytime you’re ready, “Father of Four”.’

More Best Man Speech Jokes

I was at a wedding with a priest and a minister.

When the waiter brought the drinks for the toast, the minister said, ‘I’ll have a large whisky.’

The priest commented, ‘No alcohol for me I’d rather go with a scarlet woman.’ So the minister put his drink back and murmured, ‘Sorry I didn’t know there was a choice.’

Now as the best man, I don’t want to offend anyone so if there is a priest or a minister present I apologize, and if there is a scarlet woman here: I’ll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes!

Is Romance Dead?

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian’s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug, and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her, and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better.  Dave thought he’d give it a go.

When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her, and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, ‘This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!’

  • Do practice your best man’s speech until you can recite it naturally and without hesitation.  To gain extra confidence find out precisely at what point during the reception you should give the speech.  Usually, it’s after the bridegroom’s speech.

How To Make A Marriage Successful

‘The thrill, the excitement is gone from my marriage,’ George complains to his mate, Tony.

‘Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?’ suggests Tony naughtily.

‘But what if my wife finds out?’ frowns George.

‘Lummee, George,’ explains Tony, ‘this is the 21st century we live in, mate. Go ahead and tell her about it.’

So George returns home and says, ‘Poppet, I think an affair will bring us closer together.’

‘Forget it,’ replies his wife. ‘I’ve tried that – it didn’t work.’

A Question Of Marriage Guidance

Vicky, a young single lady visits the local dating agency and explains, ‘I’m looking for a husband. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?’

The dating receptionist needs to find out some details so she asks, ‘ What are your requirements, please?’

‘Well, let me see.’ Vicky says, ‘He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and being silent when I want to rest.’

The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, ‘I understand. You need a television.’

The Kroonstad Diamond

Kroonstad Diamond

Robert, a businessman, boarded a plane to find sitting next to him, Irene, an elegant woman, wearing the largest most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

‘This is the Kroonstad diamond,’ she said. ‘It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.’

‘What’s the curse?’ enquired Robert. ‘Mr. Kroonstad, ‘replied Irene.

time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.

Wedding Tie

More Clean Jokes For a Best Man Wedding Speech

Wanted Good woman Poster

Funny Newspaper Wedding Snippets

Printed in a newspaper – Rex and Pauline went to grammar school together and their marriage will stop a romance begun between them there.

Printed in a newspaper – The marriage of Miss Hortensia Engels and Mr William Parkes, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake and we wish to correct it.

Wedding Hymn Sheet

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress and asked what was wrong. She replied that she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.

  • First the aisle, cos that is what you’ll be walking down.
  • Secondly, the altar because that is where you will arrive.
  • Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.

While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words….. Aisle, alter hymn (I’ll alter him)

A Thought

If a man is in a forest talking to himself with no women around, is he still wrong?

Five Funny Best Man Wedding Speech Shorts

Here is a Useful Best Man Rhyming Toast

Reading this speech has put a lump in my throat,
It’s unlike me, I blame the beers,
It’s rare that I get emotional,
But today even the cake’s in tiers.

Thank you for making me your best man today,
It has truly filled me with pride,
Ladies and gents, please raise your glasses,
To the Groom and beautiful Bride!

Funny Bride Cartoons

Here are amusing pictures showing how humor can make a great day funny and memorable.

The Latest Way of Making Wedding Vows

Bride Vow Cartoon

Choose a vow from the menu and then click ‘I do’ to submit your promise.

The Bride Was a Picture

bride

A Texan woman had a wedding cake made into a life-sized model of herself.  Chidi Ogbuta, 35, had the 5ft cake made to renew her vows after 10 years of marriage to her husband Innocent.

The £3,000 cake took five weeks to make, needed two gallons of amaretto, 50 lbs of sugar, 200 eggs, and weighed a whopping 400lb.

It needed four men to lift it into the wedding venue.

More Amusing Bride Cartoons and Stories

Could be worse!

Not So Funny Bride Cartoons

Wedding Save

Cartoon by King.

Funny Wedding Vows

wedding vows cartoon

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom, John, approached the minister with an unusual offer.

‘I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honor and obey and forsake all others,” I want you to just leave that part out.’

John gave the puzzled minister the cash and walked away satisfied.

On the wedding day, when the minister came to the groom’s vows, he looked John in the eye and said, ‘Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?’

John exhaled, then gulped, looked around at the guests, and managed to answer, ‘I will.’ Then he leaned toward the minister and hissed, ‘I thought we had a deal.’

The minister slipped the $100 into his hand and whispered back, ‘She made me a much better offer.’

The Most Popular Names for a Bridegroom:

  1. David
  2. James
  3. Andrew
  4. Richard
  5. Mark
  6. Paul
  7. Matthew
  8. Simon
  9. Michael
  10. Daniel

The Most Popular Names for a Bride

  1. Sarah
  2. Laura
  3. Emma
  4. Claire
  5. Rebecca
  6. Helen
  7. Rachel
  8. Victoria
  9. Kate
  10. Jennifer

Footnote: The list was compiled by John Lewis in England in October 2010.

Will and Guy muse, how many Saras (number 1 girl’s name) married Davids (number 1 boy’s name)?  And so on down the list.

The New Bride: A Clean, Funny, and Silly Story

Bride Magician

Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ‘Richard doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.’

‘Now, now,’ her mother comforted, ‘I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.’

‘No, mother, you don’t understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.’

‘Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,’ says her mum.  ‘Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.’

‘No, Mother it wasn’t the price of the turkey. It was the airplane ticket.’  “Aeroplane ticket….” What did you need an airplane ticket for?’

‘Well, Mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said “Prepare from a frozen state,” so I flew to Alaska.’

The Bride Is Always White

Cindy was just 9 years old, this was the third wedding she had been to that summer.  She turned to her mother and asked:

“Mom, why is the bride always wearing a beautiful white dress?”

Oh, that baby, is because it’s the happiest day of her life.

“In that case why is the groom wearing a black suit?”

Funny Bride Pictures

Amusing pictures and funny stories about brides and their weddings.

A New Meanings To: ‘Take the Plunge’

Bride and groom jumping into water

Amateur Rock Climbers’ Wedding

It’s not every bride who wears huge boots beneath her wedding dress say Will and Guy. However, that’s what Hana donned along with her delicate pink gown. Meanwhile, her husband-to-be swapped his usual climbing gear in favor of a smart black suit and pink bow tie.

Rather than hold the ceremony in a church the couple swapped vows while perched on a tall, sandstone rock in Mseno in the Czech Republic. While the official conducting the service stayed on firmer ground, the bride, groom, and bridesmaid nimbly leaped from one rock to another.

Bride on rock

Bride Wears Dress Made of Wool

bride and sheep

Shepherdess Louise Fairburn loves her sheep – so got married in a woolen wedding dress made entirely from shearing some of her own flock.

Louise also carried a Bo-beep style crook instead of a bouquet, guests were given chocolate sheep-shaped favors and the ring bearer’s cushion was made from fleece. Mrs. Fairburn amazed guests with the unique gown she designed herself made with wool from one of her Lincoln Longwools called ‘Olivia’. She extended the woolly theme to the rest of her big day with groom Ian, 42, also wearing a woolen waistcoat made from one of the couple’s flock.

Photo: Raymonds

Not So Funny Bride Pictures and Cartoons

Mind You – It Could Be Worse!

bride paper cartoon

Hilarious, Side-Splitting Wedding Day Jokes

broom

The Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the cupboard and after a while, they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride’s broom, the other the groom’s broom.

The bride’s broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom’s broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,

‘I think I am going to have a little broom.’

‘Impossible,’ said the groom broom. ‘We haven’t even swept together.’

The Newly Wed Couple’s Disastrous Evening

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen so they go to the police station to make a full report.

A detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime and to their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital.  Please forgive the inconvenience.  Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Lady Gaga the singing star.”

Their faith in humanity is restored, and the couple attends the concert and returns home late.  They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from the basement to the attic.  And, there is
a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car.  I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”

A Woman Should Have – Every Woman Should Know

Sage advice for girls from 8 to 80.  Help in deciding what’s important and what aspirations to cultivate.  Also humorous guidance on what to look for in men at different ages.

Woman Spinning Gif

A Woman Should Have …

  • Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…
  • Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
  • A youth she’s content to leave behind…
  • A past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age…
  • A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
  • One friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
  • A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
  • Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honoured…
  • A feeling of control over her destiny.
  • How to fall in love without losing herself.
  • How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
  • When to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
  • That she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…
  • That her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…
  • What she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
  • How to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
  • Whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally.. ..
  • Where to go, be it to her best friend’s kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods; when her soul needs soothing…
  • What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…a month…and a year…

What Women Want in a Man:

What Women Want in a Man. Age 20

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses with style
  8. Appreciates finer things
  9. Full of thoughtful surprises
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What Women Want in a Man. Age 30

  1. Nice looking [prefer hair on his head]
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What Women Want in a Man. Age 40

  1. Not too ugly [bald head OK]
  2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
  3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
  4. Nods head when I’m talking
  5. Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes
  6. Is it in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves most weekends

What Women Want in a Man. Age 50

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
  4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
  5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves some weekends

What Women Want in a Man. Age 60

  1. Doesn’t scare small children
  2. Remember where the bathroom is
  3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when asleep
  5. Remembers why he’s laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remember that it’s the weekend

What Women Want in a Man. Age 70+

  1. Breathing
  2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

A Woman Should Have … Every Woman Should Know

Will Says: Funny Advice for Women.
Guy Says: Advice for Funny Women

  1. Aspire to be Barbie – That girl has everything.
  2. If the shoe fits – Buy them in every color.
  3. Take life with a pinch of salt – A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
  4. In need of a support group? – Cocktail hour with the girls.
  5. Go on the 30-day diet.- I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days.
  6. When life gets you down – Just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
  7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
  8. I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s OK. – They know me here.
  9. Lead me not into temptation. – I can find it myself.
  10. Don’t get your knickers in a knot. – It solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
  11. When life gives you lemons in 2010 – Turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
  12. Remember wherever there is a good-looking, sweet, single, or married man – There is probably some woman tired of his behavior.
  13. Keep your chin up: Only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
  14. If it has Tyres or Testicles – it’s going to give you trouble.
  15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right: She has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

“Good friends are like stars – You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there”.
“Remember yesterday. Dream about tomorrow. – But live for today”.

Now smile and send to any girl wasting time at work; suffering from a hangover; or just suffering from life; or having anything going on and might need a reason to smile.

Will and Guy’s 10 Funny Thoughts About Women

  1. What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.
  2. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
  3. A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.
  4. A woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.
  5. Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
  6. If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  7. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
  8. I like my whisky old and my women young.
  9. Most women are not always as young as they are painted.
  10. What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.

A Funny, Hilarious Story Illustrating What Women Want In Life

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question? What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query; but, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

Arthur returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.  The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table* and Arthur’s closest friend. Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, and made obscene noises. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

Arthur refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus: ‘What a woman really wants,’ she answered, ‘is to be in charge of her own life.’

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared and so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom, and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom; what a sight awaited him. There was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen before him. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened and the beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day….or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below, but….make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow her to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now …..what is the moral of this story?

Scroll down

The moral is: “If you don’t let a woman have her own way….things are going to get ugly”

Author unknown; kindly sent in by Maggie Nutt.

* At the Great Hall in Winchester, England, [the ancient capital city] there is a round table hanging on the wall at one end of the hall. This table actually dates from the Middle Ages and has been repainted many times since then. The names of the knights are written around the table edge.

Best Love Quotes

Will and Guy have searched the internet and have found the best love quotes to entertain our readers.

love birds

Love Quotes and Beautiful Sayings

Rose

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note is for the woman I love and the second, is for my best friend.

  • True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on
  • True love is not about the hugs and kisses, the “I love you’s” or the “I miss you’s”, but about the chills that hit every part of your spine when you think about him
  • For it was not into my ear you whispered but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
  • True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.
  • You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.
  • Had we never lov’d sae kindly, Had we never lov’d sae blindly, Never met — or never parted — we had never been broken-hearted.  Robert Burns

More True Love Quotes

I love you written in sand
  • Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow; don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and just be my friend.  Albert Camus
  • You may only be someone in the world, but to someone else, you may be the world.
  • This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
  • Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.
Love poem by Lao Tzu

Ten Funny, Thought-Provoking, and Amusing Quotes

  1. Forget love…….. I’d rather fall in chocolate.
  2. It’s easy to halve the potato where there’s love.  Irish proverb
  3. Love is blind; it’s marriage that is the eye-opener
  4. I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, so we’re really not that different, me and you. Colin Raye
  5. Love is the only kind of fire that is never covered by insurance.
  6. Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.
  7. Love is like a game of chess: one false move and you’re mated.
  8. Platonic love is love from the neck up.
  9. The greater love is a mother’s; then comes a dog’s; then a sweetheart’s.  Polish proverb
  10. A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.  Woodrow Wyatt

A Personal Favourite Quotation

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable.  Henry Ward Beecher

Similar Posts