Funny But Clean Halloween Jokes

Think of this page as a sitemap for our free, clean, yet funny Halloween jokes and pictures.  Eat, drink and be scary.

• Halloween Jokes
• Funny Halloween Pictures
• Funny Halloween Cartoons
• Funny Halloween Stories
• Scary Halloween Stories
• Short Halloween Stories for
  Kids
• Pumpkin Jokes
• Pumpkin Carvings
• Pumpkin Carving Design
  Ideas
• Pumpkin Babies
• Jack-o-Lantern Legend
• Halloween History and Origins
• Halloween Games for Kids
• Halloween Postage Stamps
• Trick or Treat
• Coven of Witches
• Halloween Graveyard
  Stories
• Halloween Cats - Witch's
  Familiar
• Animations for Halloween
• Fun Halloween Fashion
• Halloween Poems
• (November 5th Bonfire Night)
• (Funny Guy
  Fawkes Pictures)
• More Funny Clean Jokes

Ghosts and Graveyards

• Ghost Story
• Ghost Illusion Video
• Graveyard Stories
• Graveyard Humour

Kids Halloween Jokes

What's
a monster's
favourite play?
Romeo and ghouliet

Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords aren't
long enough

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice scream

Why do witches fly on brooms?
Vacuum cleaner cords aren't
long enough

What do you call serious rocks?
Grave stones.

What do you call pretend rocks?
Shamrocks.

See more funny Halloween jokes

Funny Halloween Pictures

Popular Mermaid
Halloween Costume

There is trend for greater sophistication in Halloween costumes.  In
our youth all we used were old sheets to frighten our enemies and friends,
these day's you can buy or hire all manner of

fancy dress ensembles especially for Halloween.

Giant Pumpkin in Hong-Kong

A boy meets a giant pumpkin in Hong Kong.
Although Halloween
has little meaning to most people on the island the event is
seized upon as a marketing opportunity.  See more pumpkin jokes and stories

Ghostly Story by Kate Bauer [Innkeeper]

Because of a guest, we have a confirmed ghost story. My
husband and I both experienced the same "feeling" and vision while outside working the orchard and blueberries -- the funny part is I didn't tell him about it when it happened (mine happened first and I didn't
tell him, then his occurred some months later and he came in and told me).

My husband came in one day (about a month or so after I had my experience) and told me of his experience. Same man, same "watchful"
feeling. We both "saw" this figure in our side vision -- a man watching us as we worked.

It also was a "feeling" of this voice telling us where to prune, how to do the job we were doing.

A "guiding
spirit," we call him.

We found out later that it was Old Man Simon. How did we find out? We described this man to a guest (a relative of the Brewsters, who owned the property before us) that brought
pictures of Simon. She showed us the picture only after we described him. It was one of the original owners of this 260-year-old home!

Hell Freezes over at Halloween

Couple from Hell, Michigan, USA, win $115,001 [£55,000] lottery prize in Halloween draw:

John and Sue Wilson are in heaven despite the fact that they live in Hell, a town 45 miles west of Detroit. In the Michigan Lottery they won the big prize in the Fantasy 5 drawing held on Halloween 2007.

'How cool is that?' said Sue Wilson, 43, a teacher's aide. Her husband is an electrician. The couple said they plan to use their winnings to pay off bills, make some home improvements, buy a video game system
for their 13-year-old son and possibly visit relatives in Georgia.

The Origin of Halloween

Halloween is also known as Samhain, Pinkie Night, Soul Cakers, Love Divination, or most aptly - Mischief Night.  Halloween and its associated customs, have evolved from
ancient Celtic celebrations, which honour the dead.  The Halloween festival is also intertwined with end of harvest celebrations, and in some cultures, All Saints religious elements.
See more about the history of Halloween.

Three Musings on Autumn

1. Autumn is a season for big decisions - like whether or not it's too
   late to start spring cleaning.
2. This autumn we have seen falling leaves and rising gas prices. We're
   raking it up while the oil companies are raking it in.
3. I got tired of looking at all those leaves in my yard, so I got up
   off the couch and went into action. I closed the curtains.

More Funny, but Clean Halloween Jokes

What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.

What music do ghosts like the best?
Haunting melodies.

Is a drunken ghost a methylated spirit?
See more clean Halloween jokes.

Ten
Funny Halloween Shorts

1. A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. -
   Erma Bombeck
2. 'Tis now the very witching time of night,
   When churchyards yawn
   and hell itself breathes out
   Contagion to this world.' - William
   Shakespeare
3. Hold on, man. We don't go anywhere with "scary," "spooky,"
   "haunted," or "forbidden" in the title. - Scooby-Doo
4. They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folk. -
   Anon. [Will and his wife both were born on Halloween]
5. As I was going up the stair,
   I met a man who wasn't there
   He
   wasn't there again today...
   Oh, how I wish he'd go away.
   Anonymous
6. Double, double toil and trouble , Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.-
   William Shakespeare
7. There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people:
   religion, politics and the "Great Pumpkin." - Linus [Charlie Brown]
8. Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
   Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
   For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. -
   William Shakespeare
9. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. -
   Rodney Dangerfield
10. For 2012 Halloween the the most popular mask is the Arnold
    Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you
    will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien

Footnote:
Please send us your clean Halloween jokes.