Clean Funny French Jokes

Will believes that this Thomas Jefferson quote reflects his Francophile viewpoint: 'Every man has two countries, his own and France.' Guy muses that we poke fun at the English, Welsh, Scottish and Irish, thus it would be insulting to ignore the French!

Insulting Humour About The French

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement, 'We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France.  There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow.'
Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?  Because she has only one arm raised. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army. Do you know what's the difference between a chimpanzee and a Frenchman? One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his bottom all the time. The other is a chimpanzee.

Funny, Clean French Jokes and Cartoons

  • Mick was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door. 'God bless Mummy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Rennes the capital of France.' 'Mick,' said his father, 'why do you want Rennes to be the capital of France?' 'Because that's what I wrote in my geography exam.'
  • Which ghost was president of France? Charles de Ghoul'
  • What is the Guillotine? A French chopping centre.

Incredible Image Captured from Underneath the Eiffel Tower

Clean French JokesEiffel Tower

Frog cartoon by JC

Rabbit Problem

Funny frogs legs

The French will eat almost anything.  A young cook, Jean Luc, decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. Jean Luc searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits.  None could be found. Finally, an old priest, Father Pierre, at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.  Jean Luc successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them. One restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. Jean Luc replied with a smile, 'I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.'

A Further Five Favourite Funnies Found in FranceFunny French Humour

  1. The firm Hunt-Wesson introduced its "Big John" products in French Canada as "Gros Jos" before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big bosoms". Apparently the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales of their product.
  2. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.
  3. Seen in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
  4. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
  5. In a Chambres d'Hôtes in Brittany, France: "The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it." And.... "Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping, and ironing drying."
See more funny French jokes.

Classic Examples of Franglais PhrasesFunny French Shopping Center

Coup de grace - A lawn mower. La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels. Moi aussi - I am an Australian. Pas de deux? - Father of twins? Mange tout - You're pretty mangy yourself. Pain prune - I cut myself with the secateurs. Chaussee deformer? - Are you a contortionist? Parke le char - My tea is cold. Suivez la piste - Never mind, follow that drunk!

Light Hearted Quotations About France

  1. An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.  Raise both hands if you are French.
  2. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?  One.  He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
  3. I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. - General George S. PattonNo Translation
  4. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. - Norman Scwartzkopf
  5. Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
Andouillette is a coarse-grained smoked tripe sausage made with pork or occasionally veal, chitterlings, pepper, wine, onions, and seasonings.

Funny Items Spotted By Will on his Holiday in France

Folies Berbères

Folies BerberesNo Translation Named Les Folies Berbères, a North African restaurant in Jonzac, France: a clever pun on Les Folies Bergère music hall in Paris.
Guy: How do you get a French waiter's attention? Will: Start ordering in German.

Sign Found in a Hotel Room

In Case of Fire in Your Room: Keep calm, don't yell 'Fire. Attack the centre of blaze with fire extinguisher without exposing yourself.

Défense De Fumer?

Found in a café in France and quite obviously an old sign. Will has found that in rural France the smoking ban is not always adhered to. Defense De Fumer

French Team Training

French Team Training Will thinks these two are members of the French football team. Guy thinks it's a rugby ball and these are two of Toulouse's fly-halves. Footnote: Please send us your clean, funny French jokes.