Funny Football Quotes

The World Cup is truly an international event.  John Motson

• 
  Footballers' Quotes As Reported in the British Press
• Amusing Quotes from
  Football Managers
• Funny
  Football Howlers From Managers and Players
• Another
  Selection of Funny Football Quotes
• Stupid Football Remarks

A great friend once said, that no jockey ever said anything worth listening
to.  After reading these soccer quotes, perhaps the same applies to soccer
players.  On the other hand, these quotes do give us a chuckle!

Footballers'
Quotes As Reported in the British Press

• 'I couldn't
  settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country'.  Ian Rush
• 'I'd like to play for an Italian
  club, like Barcelona'.  Mark Draper
• 'Do you remember when we played in Spain in the Anglo-Italian Cup?'  Shaun Newton
• 'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win'.  Vinny Jones
• 'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock'.  Barry Venison
• 'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7'.  David Beckham
• 'I definitely want Brooklyn to be
  christened, but I don't
  know into what religion yet'.  David Beckham
• 'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league'.  Mark Viduka
• 'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right'.  Lee Hendrie
• 'Alex Ferguson is the best
  manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's
  the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's
  the best manager I've ever had'.  David Beckham
• 'If you
  don't
  believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day'.  Neville Southall
• 'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today'.  Steve Lomas

I have to say that, for once, American sportsmen interview so much better, it's
as if the NFL, Baseball and Basketball players have all been to media school, whereas our soccer players
learn and speak their own dialect of English.

Amusing Quotes from Football
Managers

Ivor Powell
Ivor a Welshman, who successfully managed Bradford City and Carlisle allegedly uttered these words after a good season on the field, 'Without doubt, one of
the secrets of our successful season was the harmonium in the dressing room.'

After a celebratory dinner he was heard to say, 'We had a lovely meal. Lovely. We had a big steak with all the tarnishings.'

Ron Saunders
Big
Ron, of Aston Villa and Birmingham fame, when asked about unrest in the dressing room and behind the scenes supposedly replied, 'Allegations are all very well but I would like to know who these
alligators are.'

When asked to explain how a 2-0 lead became a 3-2 defeat Saunders uttered the immortal words, 'As I see it, if you're going to commit suicide, you don't do it yourself.'

Dick Duckworth
Dick Duckworth
spoke to John Sadler in 1962 to say how pleased he was with Scunthorpe's side. He commented, 'I think I have the best side I've ever had now. We've a nice blend of old 'uns and youngsters. I think I've got the
mucus of a good team.'

[all these quotes come from John Sadler, the respected sports journalist's article in the Guardian newspaper 14.08.2007]

Funny Football Howlers
From Managers and Players

• It was really difficult for us,
  playing in the midday sun with that three o'clock kick-off.  David Beckham
• Playing
  with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than
  English sides like Wales.  Ron Greenwood, former England Manager
• I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the
  field at the end of the game - one's already been sent off.  Jimmy Greaves
• I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know
  what day it is!  Steve Mclaren
• It's headed away by
  John Clark, using his head. Derek Rae, Commentator
• I came
  to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's
  totally different.  Kevin Keegan
• Celtic manager
  Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.  John Greig, Football
  Analyst
• That was only a yard away from being
  an inch-perfect pass. Murdo Macleod.
• Hearts are now playing with a
  five-man back four.  Alan McInally
• Solskjaer never misses the
  target. That time he hit the post.  Peter Scmeichel
• He's got a knock on his shin there, just above the knee.  Frank Stapleton
• If you are in the six-yard box,
  standing in an offside position, then you are offside.  Steve Bruce

Bill Shankly

Bill
Shankly, the late, legendary Liverpool FC manager reputedly said, 'Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more
important than that.' It appears that this Italian fan thinks much the same:

An Italian football fan has started putting up a grave every time his team loses a
major match. Inter Milan fan, Massimo Pecorino, 52, has so far erected more than 20 gravestones on a local mountainside. He says grave mistakes can only be marked by a grave where he buries his hopes and
dreams, near his home town of Cortona.

Pecorino said, 'Instead of enjoying a celebration I felt like I was at a funeral, so I spent the day carving out my fury on a stone.'

Another Selection of Funny
Football Quotes

• 'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well'.
  Alan
  Shearer
• 'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we'
  re knocked out'.
  Peter Shilton
• 'I was
  watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out
  there playing'.
  Ade Akinbiyi
• 'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match'.
  Ian Wright
• 'I'm as
  happy as I can be - but I have been happier'. Ugo Ehiogu
• 'Leeds is a great club and it's
  been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough'.
  Jonathan
  Woodgate
• 'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel'.
  Stuart Pearce
• 'The Brazilians were South American, the
  Ukrainians will be more European'.
  Phil Neville
• 'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed'.
  Mitchell Thomas
• 'One accusation you can't
  throw at me is that I've always done my best'.
  Alan Shearer
• 'I'd rather play in front of a
  full house than an empty crowd'.
  Johnny Giles
• 'Sometimes in football you have to score goals'.
  Thierry Henry.
• 'I was
  surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football'.
  Les Ferdinand.
• 'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked'.Richard Rufus.
• 'There's
  no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between'.
  Gary Lineker.
• 'If you don'tconcede any goals you'll win more games than you lose'.
  Wayne Bridge.
• See funny
  Christmas quotes

Football Team Struck by Lightning

In October 1998 all 11 members of a football team were apparently killed
by a bolt of lightning which left the other team unhurt, according to a
Congolese newspaper.

Kinshasa daily newspaper "L'Avenir" said local opinion - known to believe
in charms and spells - was divided over whether someone had cursed the team.
The two sides were drawing 1-1 in the match in eastern Kasai Province when
the lightning struck the visiting team.
'The athletes from [the home
team] Basanga curiously came out of this catastrophe unscathed,' the paper
reported.  Thirty other people received burns at the match in the Democratic
Republic of Congo.

Will and Guy can find no official confirmation for the veracity of this
report.  See
more lightning strikes.

Stupid Football Remarks

And now an International Soccer Special, Manchester United v Southampton.
David Coleman

Real possession football, this.  And Zico's
lost it.
John Helm

52,000 people here at Maine Road tonight, but my goodness me, it seems like 50,000.
Byron Butler

I think Charlie George was one of Arsenal's
all time great players. A lot of people might not agree with that, but I personally do.
Jimmy Greaves

That goal surprised most people, least of all myself.
Garth Crooks

Nottingham Forest are having a bad run, they've lost six matches in a row now without winning.
David Coleman

He hit the post, and after the
game people will say, well, he hit the post.
Jimmy Greaves

At the end of the day, the Arsenal fans demand that we put eleven players on the pitch.
Don Howe

P.S. Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny football quotes