Funny stories – Good clean animal jokes

How do you stop a rooster crowing on a Sunday?
Eat it on a Saturday.

Father Kipper to son:  Smoking is bad, you must give it up.
Son Kipper in reply:  I know - I've been cured.

Why did the elephant have big ears?
Because Noddy wouldn't
pay his ransom.

What has 12 legs, 6 eyes, 3 tails but still cannot see?
3 Blind mice.

What do you get if cross a steer with a
A bullfrog.

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?
They are both surrounded by nuts.

What did the Tigress say when she taught her cubs
to hunt?
go over the path until you see the zebra crossing.

What if you cross a gorilla with a skunk?
You always get a seat on the train.

did the duck say when she bought some lipstick?
Put it on the bill.

Why did the fish cross the road?
To get to the other tide.

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can full of people.

Where do crabs go to borrow money
To the prawn broker.

a squirrel's
favourite ballet
The Nutcracker.

Why did Bo-Peep lose her sheep?
She had a crook
with her.

Where do you find a hippo?
Depends where you left him.

What did one fleas say to another after night out?
Shall we walk
home, or shall we take this dog?

What do you call a cat wearing heavy shoes?
Puss in boots.

What happened when the cat swallowed a dollar?
There was money in the kitty.

Which bird is
always out of breath?
A puffin.

What is another name for a cow?
A lawn moo-er.

Why did the monkey leave the circus?
He was sick of working for peanuts.

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