Funny St Patrick Day Quotes


Funny St Patrick's Day Quotes

Here are Will and Guy's collection of St Patrick Day Quotes Irish blessings, poems and toasts for 17th March.

Every Saint Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.  Anon

Drôle Irish Quotes for St Patrick's Day

  • In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.  John Pentland Mahaffy
  • Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  Oscar Wilde
  • A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home
    to find it.  George Moore
  • Alcohol is a very necessary article.  It enables Parliament to do
    things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the
    morning.  George Bernard Shaw
  • These things I warmly wish for you: Someone to love, some work to
    do, A bit o' sun, a bit o' cheer, And a guardian angel always near.  Irish

Will and Guy's Selection of Quotes By Irish Men and Women

If Will and Guy have a specialty, then it's seeking variety, and that what you will find in these our ten favourite, clean and funny Irish Quotations for St Patrick's Day.

  1. Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.  Sean O'Casey
  2. I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted. Soccer superstar George Best
  3. If you could drink dreams like the Irish streams Then the world would be high as the mountain of Mourne In the Pool they told us the story
    How the English divided the land...  John Lennon, "The
    Luck of the Irish" (song)
  4. I only drink on two occasions - When I am thirsty and when I'm not thirsty.  Brendan Behan
  5. Ireland is a peculiar society in the sense that it was a nineteenth
    century society up to about 1970 and then it almost bypassed the
    twentieth century.  John McGahern
  6. I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt.  Edna O'Brien
  7. A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. Jonathan Swift
  8. The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another.  James Boswell
  9. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet. Oliver Herford Irish Toasts
  10. A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.  Irish Proverb

Irish Drinking Toast

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Alternative Irish Toast:

Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!

More Amusing Irish Toasts

  • May the dust of your carriage wheels blind the eyes of your foes.
  • May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
  • May your fire never go out.
  • May your well never run dry.
  • Sláinte: Irish Gaelic and pronounced 'slawn-cha' means health, much
    the same as 'cheers'.
  • May we be alive at this time next year.
  • May the roof above you never fall in and those gathered beneath it never fall out.
  • A bird with one wing can't fly - said to encourage someone to take a second drink. Irish Blessings
  • May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty.

Irish Blessings - For the Home:

Walls for the wind,
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire -
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire!

More Funny Quotes Suitable For Saint Patrick's Day

  • Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. 
    Spike Milligan
  • If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how
    to listen, society here would be quite civilized.  Oscar Wilde
  • He who can does. He who cannot, teaches.  George Bernard Shaw
  • I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing I ever do with
    it.  It is never of any use to oneself.  Oscar Wilde

An Irish Friendship Wish

  • May your purse always hold a coin or two.
  • May the sun always shine on your windowpane.
  • May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
  • May the hand of a friend always be near you.
  • May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

How To Identify A Real Irishman

  • A true Irishman considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting.
  • A true Irishman considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn.
  • A true Irishman has so much respect for the truth that he uses it only in emergencies.
  • See more Saint Patrick Day jokes.

Strange St Patrick's Day CustomSpaghetti disaster

'I had an accident opening a can of alphabeti spaghetti this morning,' said Murphy.

'Were you injured?' inquired Seamus.
'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy.