Dog Jokes

Cat and Dog Catch Robbers

The tale of a cat and dog duo teaming up is the basis for countless dog jokes.

Will thinks that this charming and amusing video reminds him of the story of Cruella de Vil and the 101 Dalmatians.

1. Introducing our cat and dog heroes

This picture is reflects on of the most enjoyable dog jokes where they form a bond with their enemies – cats.

cat dog robbery video

2. Robbery in progress

cat dog robbery video 2

3. What is the cat doing with this tin?

cat dog tin

4. How did the baddies end up in the cellar?

cat dog cellar

How do our cat and dog heroes keep the robbers in the cellar? 

Download the full video clip below to fully understand this and other dog jokes:

Free Download of Cat and Dog Video Clip (Right click, Save Target As)

Bow-lingual followed by the Meow-lingual. Claims to allow dog and cat owners to communicate with their pets.

This story reminds us of dog jokes that playfully explore what our dogs might say if they could talk.

Dogs Fight Back

After years of being in the dog house, dogs are now fighting back.  Will and Guy bring you evidence of how dogs fight back.

Dog Gets Revenge on Cat

dog sitting on cat

This dog story is a real-life example of the playful rivalry often featured in cat and dog jokes.

True dog story

Now, let us tell you a one of our favorite dog jokes, based on a true story:

A dog owner has to chain up his pet to stop him from hopping onto the bus and going to the pub. Gary Kay’s terrier Ratty regularly got on the bus on his own to go to the Black Bull pub, in Hull Road, York.  Ratty made the trip to the pub, where he was fed sausages by a barmaid, twice a week, reports the York Post.  His outings came to an end when the pub went upmarket and banned animals from the premises.  But now Gary, from Dunnington, York, says Ratty has found a new local – the Rose And Crown Pub, in Lawrence Street.  He believes Ratty has been getting off the bus at the Black Bull on his own, crossing the road, and turning up at the Rose and Crown.

‘I’ve had to start chaining him up because, although he can get to the pub on his own he can’t get home,’ said Gary. [Not an uncommon occurrence say Will and Guy] ‘I’ve no idea how he is doing any of this or how he crosses the road. This dog just has a mind of his own.’

Dogs lick owners?

dogs tongues

The question of why dogs lick their owners often inspires dog jokes on affectionate behaviors of dogs.

PowerPoint Presentation

The presentation below will show you a few dog jokes – how cute dogs can lick their owners.

Download the PowerPoint presentation (Right-click and save Target As..)

Dogs look like their Owners

One of the eternal conundrums is: Do dogs look like their owners? It’s an inspiring ground for most dog jokes as well. If this perceived wisdom is indeed true, is it that a dog grows to mimic its owner, or does the owner choose a dog in their own image?

Example of a Girl Looking Like Her Dog

dog look alike female

What beautiful hair each has.

Example of a Boy Looking Like His Dog

dog look alike male

My, those noses look similar.

So Alike – Same Smile

dog look alike kid

Free PowerPoint Slide Show – Dogs Look Like Owners

Each slide in this presentation inspires thousands of dog jokes available today.

Free PowerPoint Slide Show – Dogs Look Like Owners

Do Dogs Look Like Their Owners?

Because so many people make comments like, ‘My friend Jo looks like their dog Rover’, there must be some truth in saying.   Many of the examples on the internet are posed, possibly in response to a ‘Dogs Look Like Their Owner’ competition.  However, the origin of this dog jokes pre-dates the internet and even pre-dates photographs.

If we look further into the phenomenon, several reasons spring to mind.  The most obvious effect is that people look at shop/litter/kennel of dogs and pick the dog that most looks like them.  In other cases people truly love their dog, pamper it, and start grooming the animal and themselves along similar lines.

Another factor is that the comparison is invariably between a person and their dog.  I have never heard it said that Jo looks like their cat, or that Steve looks like their hamster.  Occasionally you hear comments that Fred looks like his cows, but let’s not peruse that avenue.

Close observation reveals that the dogs look like their owners only if they are purebred.  Mongrels don’t show the same affinity.  I would also suggest that when the similarity occurs, it’s recognizable almost as soon as the owner brings the dog home.

Two final factors to support this assertion are that dogs do look like their owners, firstly dog jokes, reports or rumors appear from all societies that keep dogs.  Secondly, the gender or even the age of the owner does not matter.

Will and Guy’s Random Thoughts About Dog Jokes

This collection of dog jokes bellow feature a series of dog jokes on the deep bond between dogs and humans.

dog howl
  • The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue – Anonymous dog jokes
  • Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful – Ann Landers
  • If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went – Will Rogers
  • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face – Ben Williams
  • A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he
    loves himself – Josh Billings
  • The average dog is a nicer person than the average person – Andy Rooney
  • We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made – M. Acklam
  • Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate – Sigmund Freud
  • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult – Rita Rudner
  • A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down – Robert Benchley
  • Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog – Franklin P. Jones
  • If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons – James Thurber
  • If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise – Anonymous dog jokes
  • Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul: chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth – Anne Tyler
  • Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea – Robert A. Heinlein
  • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man – Mark Twain
  • You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right. I never would’ve thought of that’ – Dave Barry
  • If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them – Phil Pastoret
  • The tiny Chihuahua is the second most destructive dog you can have in your home, Will and Guy have discovered, behind the Great Dane.
st bernard
little and large dog

We found that a recent survey indicates that the ‘Little and Large’ of the canine world can cause more damage than any other breed. Apparently, in its lifetime, the average Chihuahua causes £638 [approx. $1,130] worth of damage, just £30 less than its big cousin. The dogs often soil carpets, scratch doors, chew sofas, and break ornaments. Not surprisingly, this fact is an integral part of dog jokes.

Another surprise inclusion on the league table of mischievous mutts is the Dachshund. These ‘sausage dogs’ cause an average of £444 [approx. $785] of damage during their lives.

On the other hand, we have been told by veterinary friends that the pug and the huge St Bernard are the least destructive breeds, the former tending to be better behaved and more easily trained, the latter more gentle and stable. Still, both of them are common characters in dog jokes.

Will These Two Grow Alike

irish wolfhound

Two-year-old Yola, from Germany, takes her Irish wolfhound Trorrent for a walk in Bregenz, Austria. Based on the dog jokes above, what do you think, will they grow alike?

Funny Cat And Dog Pictures

The cats’ motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it. Yet, it’s a part of most popular dog jokes we know!

What a Big Tongue You Have!

dog licks cat
kitten on dogs jaw

Funny Cat and Dog Jokes On Pictures

dog carrying cat
cat and dogs

What Have We Here?  Puppies or Kittens?

Now, let’s take a look at further dog jokes featured on pictures below:

calm down dog quote
cat and dogs cartoon

Remember The Cats Motto

No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it. That’s the famous cat motto that, surprisingly, is often included among dog jokes.

Dog’s Diary

The dog diary below is one of the greatest dog jokes we’ve ever seen.

Dog’s Daily Diary:

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

More Funny Cat & Dog Jokes on Pictures

In this section, we’ll present further funny cat and dog jokes on pictures:

Cats and Dogs At War

Cat and Gun
dog and gun

Cat and Dog at Peace?

Believe it or not, sometimes dog jokes also reflect peace between cats and dogs:

no dog sign and cat

Cat or Dog?  Whose Side Are You On?

The cat and dog jokes below will help you pick your side:

If you’re much like a cat, there’s something to learn from the dogs: loyalty, courage, and an unconditionally loving and positive attitude, for example.

If you’re much like a dog, there’s something to learn from the cats: independence, dignity, mutual respect, and being yourself, for instance.

If you aren’t at all like a cat and not at all like a dog, then we think there may well be something you can learn from both.

Cat in the Dog House?

dog house

Possession is 9/10 of the law.  Is that a cat I see in the dog house? Surely it couldn’t be a fox?

Funny Dog Jokes on Ice Cream

Dog Ice-cream Yogurt

Dog Yogurt

Will and Guy thought that ice cream for dogs was just another shaggy dog story; we should have known better, there are numerous real products for this growing market.  Indeed, this is a great example of dog jokes that explain the role reversal where the pets control their owners!

Doggy treats Yoghund

We assumed from the name ‘Yoghund’ that this peanut butter and frozen yogurt came from Germany, but no, it’s sold in pet stores in 23 states in the USA.  There is also a product called Polar Pups, a cool treat made with soy milk.  Fact is stranger than fictional dog jokes.

Panting Peanut Mutter

A company called Wagg Foods in Yorkshire, England has developed a doggy treat made from frozen yogurt, Panting Peanut Mutter, Oaty Pawfection, and Chase Your Tail Cheesecake. And hidden in the ice cream are dog biscuits.

Tom Page, at Wagg Foods, said: “Brits are well known for being a nation of dog lovers – with their pets often becoming one of the family. “Because of this, we often treat them the same as our kids, although the titbits we give them aren’t always healthy or safe for dogs. “We wanted to develop a dog-friendly icy treat that owners could feel confident would help cool down their pet and still be healthy – meaning dog and owner could both enjoy everyone’s favorite summer pleasure together.”

Nicola Purcell, whose dog Lawrence was one of the first to try the ice cream, said: “I love ice cream and Lawrence will always pester me and ask to lick out the tub; he won’t stop until he gets his way.”

These stories reflect amusing nature of dogs and are close to the essence of dog jokes.

Dog Ice Cream Van Opens in London

dog ice cream van

The next one of our favorite dog jokes is also about the dogs and ice creams. An ice cream van for pampered pooches is opening in London, with bizarre icy flavors including gammon and chicken. Scientists created the ice cream treats to be ideal for doggy tastes by finding the perfect combination of temperature, texture, and taste for them Will and Guy can reveal.

Now the K99 van will appear at parks across London over the summer, starting with the Boomerang Pets Party in Regents Park in July 2010.

While bosses appear to have planned the 99p charity donation doggy delights down to the smallest detail there’s one thing they forget… dogs have nowhere to carry change.

According to Sally Bezant, spokesperson for Boomerang Pets Party, ‘On a hot summer’s day, everyone loves to hear the familiar chimes of an ice cream van, but our pets often miss out on these icy treats. We wanted to give our furry friends the chance to enjoy their own refreshing snack, and an ice cream van for dogs seemed like the perfect answer.’

Fancy a Hot Dog?

This little character of dog jokes might make you crave for a hot dog.

dog dressed as hot dog

World’s Oldest Dog Turns 26

oldest dog

Max, the world’s most amazing pooch has celebrated his 26th birthday. Without a doubt, he’s a popular character of our dog jokes.

Max, (picture to the right), has a veterinary birth certificate to prove his age and is awaiting official confirmation from Guinness World Records. In dog years the terrier-cross is 182, the equivalent of being born in 1827 which Will and Guy find absolutely amazing. He lives in Louisiana, USA.

Max is still in fine health and only suffers from mild arthritis and some cataracts. Janelle and Billy, his owners, bought Max from a local sugar cane farmer in 1983.

‘He was the only one in the litter that was brown and I liked the color so I took him home,’ Janelle informed this site.

Dogs as Intelligent as Two-year-old Children Claims Professor

As a part of our dog jokes, here is a picture of Sampson, winner of Britain’s Most Talented Pet:

collie dog

My IQ is bigger than yours.  A shaggy dog story put about by collies?  No; border collies such as Sampson have their claims to superior intelligence backed up by  Professor Coren’s research.
Researchers have found that dogs are capable of understanding up to 250 words and gestures, can count up to five, and can perform simple mathematical calculations. Using tests originally designed to demonstrate the development of language, pre-language, and basic arithmetic in human children, the researchers were able to show that the average dog is far more intelligent then they are given credit for.

‘The average dog is about as bright linguistically as a human two-year-old,’ said Professor Stanley Coren, a leading expert on canine intelligence at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver who has carried out the work. This fact has become a basis of dog jokes that celebrate their intelligence.

Which Dogs Are the Cleverest Ask Will and Guy.

The researchers have also compiled a list of the most intelligent and least intelligent breeds using information from obedience classes. Based on this information, today you can find plenty of dog jokes, stories, and interesting tales.

The ten most intelligent breeds

  1. Border Collie
  2. Poodle
  3. German Shepherd
  4. Golden Retriever
  5. Doberman Pinscher
  6. Shetland Sheepdog
  7. Labrador Retriever
  8. Papillon
  9. Rottweiler
  10. Australian Cattle Dog

Least intelligent breeds

  1. Afghan Hound
  2. Basenji
  3. Bulldog
  4. Chow Chow
  5. Borzoi
  6. Bloodhound
  7. Pekinese
  8. Beagle
  9. Mastiff
  10. Basset Hound

Not surprisingly, these 10 least intelligent dog breeds often inspire popular dog jokes. Here’s one of such dog jokes below:

Will and Guy admit to being unsure of the accuracy of these assertions. Guy had a dog when he was a child and Will has only experience with cats. You may have your own thoughts about the lists, please send them to us.

Funny Dog Jokes on Pictures

Where Do Dogs Come From?

puppy children sign

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.  What will attended children get?

  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

What Dogs Do When You Get Them Home

naughty dog

Consequences For Naughty Dogs

naughty dog 2

It’s a Dog’s Life  – Even the Dog House Is Not Sacred

dog in cat flap
cat in dog house

Is it a dog’s Life Anymore?

There was a time when dogs weren’t allowed in the house.  Dogs were fed scraps and if they were lucky they had kennels.  Thus a whole family of sayings arose around ‘It’s a dog’s life’.  For example, going to the dogs, dog tired,  dog’s dinner, dogsbody and dog eat dog.

However, nowadays, dogs have it cushy, they live indoors are pampered with dog food, and even get their dog basket.  In consequence, the young generation is perplexed by the saying, ‘It’s a dog’s life’.

  • No Dogs Allowed

Hen Pecked?

dog and chick

Brandy and Coke

dog and coke can

Brandy the Chihuahua, the world’s smallest dog, has finished growing and is just a little taller than a Coca-Cola can has been named the world’s smallest doggy by the Guinness Book of Records.  Four-year-old Brandy weighs only 2lbs and cannot bark as her lungs are too small. Owner Paulette Keller, of Largo, Florida, told reporters, ‘When I saw her I just fell in love with her. With a dog like this, you have to be careful. She can’t even jump on or off anything because her legs are so tiny.’

Brandy is proving massively popular on TV in the USA, so watch out for her. As dog’s lives go, this has to be one of the best.

Sherman – Just A Lovely Dog

sherman dog

Sherman belongs to Tina, he’s just the sort of dog we would all like to own.

Happy Dogs – Having a Great Life on the Beach

two dogs in sea

More Funny dog Jokes & pictures

Here is a bumper page of our free, funny dog jokes on pictures.  Our specialty is variety, we are confident that you will find a funny picture for any occasion or any mood.  Updated with dog jokes and dog signs.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.  Sue Murphy

Little and Large

Good to see that cats and dogs can get on well together. At least, that’s what some cat and dog jokes claim.

dog licks cat


attention dog sign

Especially those dogs with a reading age greater than 10.

dog sign

Lost Dog Story

‘I’ve lost my dog.’
‘Why don’t you put an advertisement in the paper?’
‘Don’t be silly, he can’t read.’

Missing Dog Saga

My brother and his wife named their dog after a character in the book “The Hobbit”. He got lost one day but was wearing his collar with his name and phone number that rang to their live answering service. Later their phone rang and when my sister-in-law answered the caller asked “Mrs Boffin?” “No” was the reply, “but I think you’ve got my dog, Mr Boffin!”

Kindly sent in by Pauline Taylor

There is no joke when your favorite dog suffers from a flea attack, but the 60mg Revolution for Dogs tube can handle it easily.

Barking Mad – Another Dog Sign

dog vet light
no barking sign

A Dog’s Diary 2

  • 7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
  • 8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
  • 9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
  • Noon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
  • 2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
  • 3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
  • 4 pm – Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
  • 6 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home, Mom! My favorite!
  • 7 pm – Oh boy! Welcome home, Dad! My favorite!
  • 8 pm – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
  • 9 pm – Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
  • 11 pm – Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!

N.B. A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Robert Benchley

Fancy Dress – More Funny Dog Pictures

Pure Dog Theatre

The dog looks like a pug or is it a bulldog, we are not sure.  Good picture.

clown dog

Pollsters say that 40% of dog owners carry pictures of their pets in their wallets.

Dog Wedding Story

This one is one of our favorite dog jokes:

Timmy walked his bride Muffin down the aisle for their marriage ceremony in front of guests at Harrods store in, London. The couple shared a kiss and their own wedding cake before being whisked off by horse-drawn carriage. The unique dog wedding was part of Harrods ‘Anything is Possible’ season

dog wedding
dog wedding car

Pictures of Timmy and Muffin leaving Harrods in a horse-drawn carriage after yesterday’s ‘wedding’.

  • What do you call a poodle with extra short legs?
  • A sponge.

Calendar Dogs

dog yoga

After Calendar Girls, we now have funny pictures of calendar dogs.  Dan and Alejandra Boris have used computer graphics to create a Yoga Dogs Calendar.

At first, Guy thought that Yoga Dogs were a new breed, while Will thought this was a wacky new piece of merchandise designed for kennels.  The truth is this is a Christmas present for dog owners.

Alejandra, who is a yoga teacher, reassures readers that no dogs were hurt in making the calendars, the funny but unnatural positions were down to computer manipulation of genuine pictures.

It’s a dog’s life.

Dog Weddings in Delhi

Abhijit Das, a manager for Ansal Plaza Delhi has organized mass weddings for dogs.  On 30th of September 2008 over 100 dogs will be united in wedlock.  Surprisingly, animal rights activists who have organized the event.

Before the marriage ceremony, it won’t be the dogs and bitches who seek out their prospective partner, the match-making will be left to their owners. The event, which is scheduled to take place at the Amphitheatre in Ansal Plaza, will also feature speed-dating for pooches.

Shailee Seth, a housewife with a Great Dane, is searching for the perfect veil. ‘I have never attended such an event before and I don’t know what to expect,’ she said. ‘But I definitely want my pooch to look the best.’

Dog Knows Best?  Listen to Your Nose!

dog bone wall
dog nose

Bakery for Dogs Opens in Paris (True Story)

An award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery that caters only to dogs in Paris.  Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras reports the BBC.

The owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog Sophie-Marie.  Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her biggest enthusiasms – pastries, and pets.

‘Everything is made in the back of the boutique, ‘said Ms Sternstein, ‘Every day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits, and special orders are taken on a daily basis.

‘The Parisians come to the bakery and for the first time, they think it’s very funny and they look at it and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs come back and choose which flavors they like the best.

‘I change flavors, based on what’s going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for Valentine’s

Dog’s breakfast?

Dog Bakery in Germany

A canine-only bakery selling a range of handmade dog biscuits and meaty cakes has opened in Germany. The Dog’s Goodies bakery in the city of Wiesbaden, near Frankfurt, is a barking success, according to local dog owners. Former florist turned canine chef Janine Saraniti-Lagerin offers her doggy customers treats such as minty biscuits, muesli bars, tuna cakes, and garlic cookies. She said, ‘Vets tell me what is healthy and my Labrador Ronja tells me what is tasty.’

Beware Guard Dog – Sequel

life after death sign
dog warning sign

You see so many banal signs, it makes a change to see a sign that engages the brain.  Moreover, this sign makes the point, that I would not go over that fence, even if I could not see the dog in the picture’s background.

Call for backup

dog with gun

If all else fails – send for ‘Super Dog’

dog dressed as superman

Amazing Dog Tricks in 重慶 [Chongqing City]

dog on wire

An amazingly talented Tibetan mastiff called Tiger [Hu Hu] dog has performed a breathtaking high-wire stunt in front of thousands of spectators in his home city in China. Will and Guy have found this dog photo and we can report that this acrobatic creature performed the trick in Chongqing City, China.

Tiger was some 4 meters above the ground and walked across a 10-meter gap on two thin steel wires: a remarkable feat by any standards. We suggest that you do not try this stunt with your dog at home.

Dog and Horse – Partnership

A Jack Russell dog is stunning visitors to a farm by showing off his horse riding skills.

Freddie leaps on the back of his neighbor’s Shetland pony Daisy for a trot around the paddock of Peglars Farm, in Flaxley, Gloucestershire. Owner Patricia Swinley said the dog was a ‘ natural’
jockey whose equestrian skills have blossomed.

‘When he first saw Daisy he rushed across the yard and just jumped straight on her back, ‘she said.

Freddie, who has been nicknamed the Flaxley Flier, is often to be seen riding around the 25-acre farm and Daisy, who stands at just 37 inches tall provides the perfect taxi, for her pal.

‘The children love to come and see him, ‘Mrs Swinley said.  ‘I guess it is a rather peculiar sight.’

Someone Loves Me

I would not like to meet the dog in the photo below, but I bet it’s someone’s beloved pet.

dog tongue

Couldn’t Spit It Out

Damien walks into a bar one day and stammers,
‘Does anyone here own that South African ridgeback outside?’
‘Yeah, I do,’ a tattooed biker says, standing up.
‘What about it?’

“Well, I think my shiatsu just killed him.’
‘What are you talkin’ about?’ the biker says, disbelievingly.
‘How could your little runt kill my ridgeback?’

‘Well,’ mumbled Damien,
‘it appears that he got stuck in your dog’s throat.’

Blessed Dogs

Liz took her litter of cocker spaniel puppies to the veterinary clinic for their inoculations and deworming.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the vet realized it
would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. The veterinarian turned on the tap over the sink, wet her fingers, and moistened each dog’s head when she had finished.

After the fourth puppy, the vet noticed the usually talkative Liz had grown silent. As the vet sprinkled the last pup’s head, Liz leaned forward and whispered, ‘I hadn’t realized that they had to be baptized.’

Dog’s Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep, The king-sized bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove,
My human beings can hardly move.
I’ve trapped their legs, they’re tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.

No one disturbs me or dares intrude,
Til morning comes and “I want food!”
I sneak up slowly to begin,
And nibble on my human’s chin.
For morning’s here, it’s time to play,
I always seem to get my way.

So thank you, Lord, for giving me,
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs me and holds me tight,
And share their bed with me at night.


You Either Love or Hate this Dog Picture

dog in jeans

Picture of Dogs Exercising – Two Friends?

two dogs with ball

Will and Guy’s Top Ten Funny Reasons Why It’s Good to be a Dog

dog inbreeding cartoon
  1. If it itches, you can reach it; and no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.
  2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.
  3. Personal hygiene is a blast: no one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don’t even have to comb your own hair.
  4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.
  5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might think you’re cute.
  6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.
  7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.
  8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.
  9. It doesn’t take much to make you happy. You’re always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.
  10. Every rubbish bin looks like a cold buffet to you.

Funny Dog video clip – 4th of July Rockets

You don’t often hear the words, ‘funny dog video’ and, ‘4th of July rockets’ in the same sentence; let us show you the connection.  The situation is it’s party time, and a group of people are celebrating the 4th of July in a big field.

1. Observe an ordinary 4th of July rocket

dog rocket

2. Is the dog afraid of the 4th of July rocket?

dog rocket 2

3. Note the way the dog grips the rocket between his teeth

dog rocket 3

4. The dog acts as a mobile rocket launcher!

dog rocket 4

5. The dog’s owner has a narrow escape from a rocket blast

dog rocket 5

4th of July Rocket

Free Download of Dog Video Clip (Right-click, and Save Target As)

 4th of July One-liner

  • How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
  • The hot dogs were bad and the brats were wurst!

More 4th of July Dog Jokes

  • What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
  • A revolutionary warthog!
  • Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?
  • Because they lived in colonies.
  • Which ghost haunted King George III?
  • The spirit of ’76!
  • What would you get if you crossed a colonial toupee with a tepee?
  • A powdered wigwam!
  • More about the 4th of July
  • No Dogs Allowed

More Funny Dogs Jokes & Stories

Buddy the Alsatian Saves His Owner Joe

dog with phone

Chris Trott was on duty answering the emergency phone line when a call came through from a dog.  Nobody would have blamed her for hanging up, but something about the urgency of the barking and the whimpering made Chris stay on the line.   On checking the incoming phone number Chris realised that the line belonged to Joe Stalnaker, who is known to be susceptible to

The background to this phone rescue was that Joe had pre-programmed the buttons on his phone to dial 911, so all his dog Buddy had to do was pick up the phone in his mouth.  One of his teeth was almost certain to hold down one of the keys for 3 seconds and thus trigger the dialing. 

The very same thing had happened twice before, unfortunately, Joe is prone to seizures as a result of suffering a brain injury while serving in the army. Buddy arrived aged 8 weeks courtesy of ‘Paws With A Cause’, which trains miracle dogs like Buddy to help people like Joe.

Surprisingly, Will and Guy learn that there have been other similar cases of miracle dog rescues, for example, Leana Beasley’s Rottweiler called Faith summoned help by pressing a speed-dial button with her nose.  Then when the operator answered, Faith barked down the phone so that the emergency services operator realized Leana needed medical assistance.

Funny Hot Dogs Jokes – Dachshund Races

Dachshund dogs take part in the John Morrell ‘Running of the Wieners**’  This race over a distance of 50 feet is held in Cincinnati, USA.

** A Wiener is made of smooth-textured sausage of minced beef or pork.  The Wiener is usually smoked and served in a bread roll and thus becomes a ‘Hot dog’.

John Morrell’s Weiner No 1

dog in hot dog costume

Dachshund Events:

The dachshunds compete in 3 groups:

  • Little Smokies [younger than a year]
  • Frankfurters [ages 1-5]
  • Senior Sausages [more than 5 years old]

They’re Off and Running – Hot Dogs!

dogs in hot dog costumes

Interested Dachshund Spectator

dog dressed as hot dog

Hot Dog Fan Club?

little and large dogs

Hot dog meets cold dog?

Dachshund – Finger-licking Update

hot dog and mustard costume

Another Funny Dog Picture

dog bandit

Funny No Dogs Allowed Signs

no dogs sign

Will and Guy have a diverse collection of ‘No dogs allowed’ signs.  We also have funny notices relating to various other animals.

Funny ‘No Dogs Allowed’ Sign

dog with sign in mouth

No Dogs Allowed – BOW WOW, WOOF, RUFF RUFF

no dogs barking sign

The sign, above right, was spotted in the Church Fields Recreation Ground, Chessington, Surrey,

Dogs Allowed?

no dogs allowed sign

Guy thinks that this means that dogs are permitted.  Will thinks that really, this sign says ‘No Dogs Allowed’, but the spaniel is sitting on the ‘No’.  What do you think?

No Dogs And Chinese Allowed

no dogs allowed Chinese sign

In fact, this matter is no joke because these ‘No Dogs and Chinese Allowed’ signs date back to the pre-World War II period when various European (particularly British) and American districts were established in Shanghai, and these foreigners did not want their parks fouled by dogs and Chinese (not that the latter left any deposits, just that their presence was not desired in these exclusive parks). Kindly sent in by T S A Quan.

No Dogs & No Bicycles

dog atm sign

This ‘No Dogs Allowed Sign’ set Will and Guy wondering – Does the above sign mean: No
dogs; no bicycles; or no dogs on bicycles?  Once you have worked that out, what part does the ATM machine play?   What IS permitted here?

No Dogs Allowed – All pets must be on a leash.

no pets leash signs
pet restraint sign

Dogs – Please Shut The Gate

Guide dogs only sign
please shut the gate sign

Guide Dogs

The above funny dog signs remind me of a malapropism I heard when teaching.  The head-of-year had a brand new charity project.  In assembly, he proudly announced: ‘We are going to have a collection for blind dogs for the guides’.

No Dogs Allowed in Parks Throughout Newark, England

A council in Newark and Sherwood District Council in Nottinghamshire, England has banned dogs from almost all of its park areas.  It has put dog control orders (DCOs) in 72 park areas to make sure people look after their pets in public places.

The orders issued in April 2010 ban dogs completely from play areas, fields, and open spaces.
Furthermore, council jobsworths, park rangers, and police community support officers can
issue on-the-spot fines of £75 for breaches of the orders.

dog sign

Naturally, dog owners are up in arms, Clarissa Baldwin, the Dogs Trust chief executive said: ‘A total ban on all dogs is a complete overreaction to the problem of a small minority of owners failing to clean up after their pets.’

She said they were concerned the elderly, disabled, or those on low incomes would struggle to travel to other areas to exercise their pets. Clarissa also pointed out that it is a requirement of the Animal Welfare Act that dogs are allowed to express their natural behavior, which includes
free exercise.

The Kennel Club also added weight to the criticism. Communications director Caroline Kisko said: ‘Dog control orders are becoming more common as councils attempt to find ways to control dog fouling and reign in irresponsible dog owners.  ‘While the Kennel Club does not object to the council’s less severe orders of imposing fines for dog walkers who do not pick up after their dogs, and introducing “dogs on lead by direction” orders, we feel that the exclusion zones are far too restrictive.

‘No’ Signs Featuring Other Animals

Will and Guy hope that amongst these ‘No xyz permitted’ there is something for everyone.

Funny Animal No Feeding Signs

don't feed fingers to animals sign

Don’t Feed Fingers To The Animals  (How about Toes?)

Another Funny ‘No Feeding Sign’

please be safe sign

Warning! Alligators Can be Dangerous!

alligator sign

Feeding or Molesting Alligators is Prohibited …. as if you needed telling!

Poor Starving Animals – No Diving and No Food

penguin sign

If All Else Fails the Animals Eat the Sign!

no feeding sign

What breed of animal is this little beast who is eating the ‘No Feeding’ sign?  A hedgehog?  Some type of rodent?

No Gorillas?

no gorillas sign

Please no smoking, food, drink, or gorillas?  What is permitted here?

No Smoking Dogs!

no smoking dogs sign

Whichever way I punctuate the notice, it cracks me up.

  • No smoking dogs (allowed)
  • No smoking (of) dogs
  • No smoking dogs (extinguish them!)

We thank Dean Peck for this picture, please send us your funny ‘No Dogs Allowed’ sign.

Funny Pictures – Dodgy Doggy Drivers

Doggy Driver?

What intrigues us with this picture is whether the dog is coming out of the driver’s door or the passenger’s door.

Dog Door on car
dog door on car 1

A further complication is whether you or your dog drives on the left or the right. Whatever, the picture tells the story.  Words only confuse.

Car After 6 Months of Dodgy Dog Travel

car for sale sign

Dodgy Driver A Strange But True Funny Story:

To all those who smirked at this week’s news that male drivers waste six million hours a year by
refusing to admit they are lost, we reply with the salutary tale of Michael Chapman, arrested and charged with stealing a car after stopping to ask for directions at the house of the car owner’s

Chapman, 54, allegedly stole the motor in Hopedale, some 130 miles from Columbus, Ohio, and drove it for three miles before stopping randomly to ask the way at the house of Thomas Eltringham, who instantly recognized the gold Buick as his daughter Norma’s.

See where admitting your ignorance gets you?

Footnote: I am from a town very near Columbus, Ohio. We often said Columbus was the only town where you could buy a baby grand piano and the seller would throw in a shotgun.   Joy S. (Website

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