- 7 Christmas One Liners for Starters
- Clean Christmas Funnies
- Christmas Wisecrack
- Crafty Cockney - Christmas Caper
- Christmas Store Problem
- 1 7 Christmas One Liners for Starters
- 2 12 More Clean Christmas Funnies
- 3 Christmas Wisecrack
- 4 Crafty Cockney - Christmas Caper
- 5 Christmas Store Problem
- 6 Christmas One-liner!
- 7 Three More Christmas One-liners
- 8 Scrooge's Christmas Tree
- 9 Please Don't Show This Picture of Santa to the Kids
- 10 Santa's Outfit
- 11 More Christmas Funnies
- 12 What A Girl Wants For Christmas
- 13 Saying a Prayer for His Christmas Meal
- 14 Santa Claus?
Q1: Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas: Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us. Q2: What's the most popular Christmas wine? Ans: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!' Q3: How do chickens dance at the Christmas party? Ans: Chick to chick! Q4: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party? Ans: He's a fun guy to be with. Q5: What did the Spanish fireman call his twin sons? Ans: Hose A, and Hose B. Q6: Where do sheep get their hair cut? Ans: At the baa baa shop. Q7: What happened when the snowman annoyed the snow-woman? Ans: She gave him the cold shoulder.
- Why are ghosts so bad at lying? You can see right through them.
- What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A palm tree.
- What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert? Lost.
- What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? Annette.
- On which side do chickens have most feathers? On the outside.
- What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.
- What's furry and minty? A polo bear.
- What's big, grey and wear glass slippers? Cinderelephant.
- How do snails keep their shells shiny? They use snail varnish.
- What must you know to be an auctioneer? Lots.
- Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop? It blew away.
- What is the vampire's favourite song? Fangs for the memory.
- What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze? Crisp Kringle.
Three More Christmas One-liners
- Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
- Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
- Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?
What Scrooge would buy is a Christmas tree like the above.
Please Don't Show This Picture of Santa to the Kids
How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.
- How does Jack Frost get to work? By icicle!
- If you want to hear "Merry Christmas," why not visit a church instead of a shop?
- Teacher: Where are the Andes? Pupil: At the end of my armies.
- Bernard Manning said that the three phrases that best sum up the Christmas season are: Peace on Earth. Goodwill to Men. And Batteries not included.
- Peter aged 7. 'Angels don't eat much, but they drink a lot of milk from Holy Cows.'