Will and Guy's Funy JokesWe dedicate this page to people, like Guy, who cannot spell funny properly.
Short Funy Joke Sections
- Twenty Five Funy One-liners
- Short Jokes - School Excuse Notes
- Short Jokes - Schoolboy Howlers
- Short Jokes - Milkman's notes
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
- A fool is a 27 story window-washer who steps back to admire his work.
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
- Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
- The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
- It was all so different before everything changed.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
- Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get
- A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
- 'stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand and ' lollipop' with your right.
- A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
- February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
- In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
- If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
- Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
- Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
- The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet.
- The words 'racecar', ' kayak' and 'level' are palindromes. They read the same whether you read them left to right or right to left.
- There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'
- Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
- My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
- Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
- Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
- Please excuse Pedro from
being absent yesterday. He had (
diahre) ( dyrea) ( direathe) the runs.
- Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
- Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
- No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.
- Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
- Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.
- Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.
- From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.
- Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
- My back door is open. Please put milk in ' fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
- Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
- Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.
- Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.
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