Ideas to amuse kids and bemuse parents

It's a dark December day and it's your job to amuse your

nephews, nieces or friends children.  Here are some ideas to have fun with the kids.

• Ingenuity Test
• Toy Test
• Supermarket Test
• Dressing Test
• Feeding Test
• Night Test
• Car Test
• Messiness Test
• Final Assignment

Toy Test:

Obtain large box of tin tacks. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

Ingenuity Test:

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Supermarket Test:

Borrow one or two small animals [goats are excellent] and take them with you as
you shop.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug, half fill with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Car Test:

Forget the BMW and buy an estate car. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a 10p piece. Stick it
into the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

Messiness Test:

Smear
peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with a quantity of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm
begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pmGet up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too
until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful all the time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who
already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasise to them that they
should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Quotes About Kids

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield

At the End-of-term Party and Disco

'Isn't the head teacher a bit of a twit?' said a boy to a girl.

'Well, do you know who I am?' inquired the girl.
'No.' replied the
boy.

'I'm the head teacher's daughter.' replied the girl.
'And
do you know who I am?' asked the boy.

'No,' she uttered.

'Thank
goodness!' said the boy with a sigh of relief.

Footnote:
Please send us your ideas to amuse kids