Funny School Jokes: Topics on This Page
- Out of the Mouths of School Children
- Teacher's Magnetism
- What Happened to Jonah?
- Dylan at the Supermarket
More Funny School Jokes on Other Pages
- Back to School Jokes
- Funny Excuse Notes
- History Jokes
- Resumés- Funny Job Applications
- Schoolboy Howlers
- April Fool's Day Jokes
- School Answering Phone
- Teachers' Stories
- More Teacher's Tales
- Collection of Funny Children's Stories
Maths LessonThe math teacher saw that Daphne wasn't paying attention in class. She called on her and said, 'Daphne! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Daphne quickly replied, 'ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'
A Question of PhysicsA college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. 'Why do we have to learn this stuff?' one young man blurted out. 'To save lives,' the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. 'So how does physics save lives?' The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor concluded, 'Physics saves lives,' he said, 'because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.'
MathematicsA rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Frog in His Throat?Miss Hewitt, was one of the teachers at Northern Infants, Normanton, [kindergarten] when Philip came up to her and say that he had found a frog. Miss Hewitt asked if the frog was alive or dead. Philip, aged 6, declared that it was dead. Miss Hewitt enquired as to how he could be so sure that it was dead. Philip replied, 'I pissed in its ear.' Flabbergasted, Miss Hewitt demanded, 'You what, Philip Brown?' Philip added, 'You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead.'
Stand up and be CountedA new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Examples of Funny School Jokes from Other Pages
Most WantedLittle Ronnie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Little Ronnie asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'
Caught with an Axe in His HandMr Harris, the 3rd grade teacher asked, 'George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Iris, do you know why his father didn't punish him?' Iris replied, 'Because George still had the axe in his hand?' See More Funny Teachers' Stories
Slap-it-onOne day before school, Little Susie watched, fascinated, as her mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' she asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said her mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Susie. 'Are you giving up?'
Moira was struggling to get the tomato ketchup out of the bottle. As she was trying the phone rang and her 4 year old daughter, Louise, answered it saying, 'Sorry, mummy can't come to the phone at the moment because she's hitting the bottle.'
Funny School Excuses
- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
- Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels.
- Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
- See more funny school excuses
Teachers' TalesMaggie, [Will's sister] was an infant school teacher, and on her first day with the reception class [1st graders] at Northern Primary, Portchester, a little girl gave her a note which said: 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of her parents.' Paul, while working for 'meals-on-wheels', an organisation that delivers lunches to the elderly, Paul used to take his 4-year-old daughter, Lois, with him on his afternoon rounds. Lois was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the walking sticks, triangular walkers and the wheelchairs. One day Paul found Lois staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As he prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Lois merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.'
- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.
- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.
- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
- A monsoon is a French gentleman.
- The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
- To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
- See more Schoolboy Howlers