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∇Will and Guy's Humor
Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery
- Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
- Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
- Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Schoolboy Howlers - A Rich Source of Jokes
Solomon had three hundred
wives and seven hundred porcupines Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.Funny Signs and Notices
SIGN IN A LAUNDROMAT:Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
IN AN OFFICE:After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
Whacked
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Tales from Travel Agents
Fastest Jet in America An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!Another good source of humour is the newspaper small ads.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.