Funny Soccer Referee Jokes

Here is Will and Guy’s collection of referee jokes, funny stories and
amusing picture.

• Watch the Game – Ref
• Some
  Refereeing Mistakes In Previous World Cups
• The Ref and the Funeral
  Procession
• Funny
  Reasons to Become a Soccer Referee
• Funny Soccer Referee Video
• World Cup Referee’s Influence
• The Offside Rule
  Explained for the Ladies

Watch the Game – Ref

A spectator at a local league match at
Bransbury Park, Portsmouth kept up a constant barrage of insults and derogatory remarks directed against the referee.

Finally the referee could stand it no longer. He marched over to the
sideline and, looking the noisy spectator squarely in the eye, shouted,
‘Look here – I’ve been watching you for the last twenty minutes
…………………….’

‘I thought so’, the spectator retorted loudly, ‘I knew you couldn’t
have been watching the game.’

Some
Refereeing Mistakes In Previous World Cups

These errors may make us cringe rather than laugh, perhaps a sign that
Will and Guy have seen about a dozen world cups before.

1. Geoff Hurst 1966 Cup Final.The second of Geoff Hurst’s 1966 Cup Final hat-trick which bounced
   off the crossbar is perhaps the most controversial goal of all time. The
   right footed strike put England 3-2 ahead in extra time but it is still
   argued to this day whether the whole of the ball crossed the line. Hurst
   secured England the World Cup by completing his hat-trick as West
   Germany poured men forward in search of an equaliser. To this day, he is
   the only player to score three goals in a World Cup Final.
2. Maradona Hand Of God Goal
   Maradona chased onto a looping miscued clearance from England midfielder
   Stephen Hodge and punched the ball past goalkeeper Peter Shilton into
   the net. The Tunisian referee failed to spot the blatant handball and
   Argentina eventually won the game 2-1. Maradona later described the goal
   as “The Hand Of God.” Argentina went on to win the trophy beating West
   Germany 3-2 in the final.
3. Ronald Koeman Winner Versus England
   David Platt was clean through on goal until he was unashamedly
   pulled down by Dutch defender Ronald Koeman in what was arguably one of
   the most blatant professional fouls in international football history.  Koeman unexplainably avoided a red card and went on to score the winner
   that all but destroyed England’s chances of qualifying for the 1994
   World Cup.
4. The Thierry Henry handball against the Republic of
   Ireland which led to France qualifying for the 2010 World Cup is just
   the latest of a string of high profile refereeing errors that have
   plagued the game and led to some huge injustices.
5. Remember World Cup 2006?  There was some
   questionable refereeing.  Not least of which was referee Graham Poll [GB]showing
   Croatia’s Josip Simunic three yellow cards in one game.

More Funny Soccer Referee
Jokes

The Ref and the Funeral Procession

In the middle of the game, the soccer referee suddenly blows his whistle to stop
play when he sees a long funeral procession on the road that runs alongside
the field.  He closes his eyes and bows his head in prayer.

‘Wow,’ said the yellow carded striker. ‘That is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I’ve ever seen. You truly are a kind man.  I’ll never think
badly of a referee again.’

The referee replies, ‘Thanks lad, we were married nearly 30 years.’

Five Funny Reasons
to Become a Soccer Referee

1. You love football, but can’t quite understand the
   rules.
2. You have the strange desire to run aimlessly around in
   the wind, rain, hail and snow.
3. You love the sound of verbal abuse.
4. You find it hard to make decisions, and whenever you
   do, you’re always wrong.
5. You enjoy changing your clothes in cattle
   sheds.

Funny True Story from Portsmouth, England

A match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the South
of England in the city of Portsmouth. It had been raining heavily all week
and the ground resembled a swamp. [Much of Portsmouth is at sea level or
below]
However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the
coin to determine ends.

The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment’s thought, said,
‘OK – we’ll take the shallow end.’

Referee In The Bar After the Game

A football referee walks into the bar after a game and orders a bottle of beer
and hands the barman a £20 note. [$30 USD] The barman decides to cheat the
referee, so he hands him back a five in change.

The Referee accepts the £5 change, takes his bottle and goes and sits
down.

After a while the barman wanders over and starts talking to the referee
and says, ‘You know, we don’t get many refs coming in here after the match.’

‘I’m not flipping surprised,’ splutters the ref, ‘with the beer at £15 a
bottle.’

Soccer Referee Fights Back –
Football Video Clip

Check out our funny football video clip.

More Funny Referee Jokes

World Cup Referee’s Influence

It was the World Cup Final dinner and dance held in the evening, after
the final.  The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers
arrived without tickets. ‘It’s all right,’ said one, ‘we’re friends of the
referee.’

‘Whoever heard of a referee with three friends?’, said the
bouncer, as he threw them out.

Take His Name Referee!

An Italian football team has been founded by former *Serie A player,
Maurizio De Feo. Their claim to fame so far has not been on the football
pitch.

The club’s founder, coach, secretary, doctor and all 12 sponsors of the
“Team De Feo” club, in Serino, southern Italy, have the same name: De Feo.
Everyone in the playing squad also has the same name: De Feo. Their home
ground can be found on……………..wait for it: Raffaele De Feo street in the
town.

Will and Guy think that you couldn’t make it up. We also wonder if a team
named “Jones” might be established in Guy’s home country of Wales.

*Italian Football Association Premier Division.

The Offside Rule Explained for the
Ladies

Picture this: you’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.

Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has
seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The
shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so,
you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other
shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to push in front of the other shopper.

The Laws of Football

At one point during a football (soccer) match in America, the coach said to one of his young players, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’
The little boy nodded in the affirmative. ‘
Do you
understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?’
The little boy nodded yes.

‘So, ‘the coach continued, ‘When offside is given, or a foul is not seen, you don’t
argue or swear or attack the
referee. Do you understand all that?’  Again the little boy nodded.

‘Good, ‘said the coach, ‘Now go over there and explain it to your mother.’

Linesmen (Referees Assistants) Interpreting The Offside Laws

Changes in the Soccer Offside Law

1923 – Offside Changed from 3 players to 2.

1990 – Level
is now
onside – broadly speaking.

Offside means that any part of his head, body or feet is nearer to his opponents’
goal line than both the ball and the second last opponent.  Confusingly,
the arms are not included in this definition.

Players ‘Not actively involved
in the play’.  During the World Cup at least one Goal will be allowed with a player in an offside position,
because he is deemed ‘not interfering’ with play.  Not interfering?
If he’s not disrupting the opposition, then what’s he doing on the pitch?

Referees and the South Africa World Cup 2010

The World Cup is the biggest test a referee will ever face, both
professionally and personally Will and Guy think.

The 30 referees taking charge of the 64 games in South Africa have been
selected already a couple of years ago.
They come from all over the
world. Ten come from Europe, six from South America, four each from the
Asian, African and CONCACAF [North, Central America, Caribbean] regions, and
two from New Zealand. Each official has his team of two assistants who have
worked with him consistently over the last two years.

The referees at the World Cup will be on their own, unlike the millions
of critics on the sidelines and in front of television screens who will
savage their performances after viewing replays and slow motion from dozens
of TV cameras.

At previous tournaments, fans have issued death threats toward referees
who make calls against their teams. Some refs have even quit the game as a
result.  Once they are at the tournament, referees and their assistants
will be swathed in a protective blanket of security. They will be locked
away from the world’s prying eyes at a luxury hotel and provided with sports
psychologists to boost fragile confidence, and with technological tools that
allow them to study the strengths, weaknesses and favourite tricks of the
teams they will be officiating.

Cheating has become widespread in modern soccer and players are
essentially too good at it to be spotted with the naked eye. Players are
shown a yellow card for simulation, but often they get away with it, winning
penalties and earning a red card for the alleged fouler. Ironically, players
tend to escape mass condemnation for their cheating behaviour while the
referees are pilloried.

Will and Guy wish all the referees involved in the World Cup finals the
best of luck.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny soccer referee
story.