Here is a selection of NFL humor that you can modify by changing the names of the players to suit your fancied team. Super Bowl XLV is on February 6th 2011 at the Cowboy's Stadium, Texas.
- Perfect Woman Competition
- Next Super Bowl Contenders?
- Stupid Football Players
- The Football Star
- Ross Knows His Tables
- Superbowl Packages
- Amusing Quotations About the NFL
- Back a trailer load of hay.
- Change a truck tyre.
- Clear a pool table.
- Darn a sock.
- Wrangle and brand a steer.
Running Back or Lineman?Marvin Ventner, the football coach was asked his secret of evaluating his new recruits. 'Well,' he answered, 'It's easy. I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that run round the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run straight into the trees, I turn into linemen.' 'Hey, lady, 'yells Tebow, 'Throw me the cat.' 'No, 'she cries, 'It's too far.' 'I play football, I can catch him.' The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Tebow, kisses her cat goodbye, and then tosses the moggy down onto the street. Tebow keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline, bounces off an awning and Tebow runs into the street and catches the cat. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire, breaks into cheers. Tebow does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then Tebow ' spikes' the cat into the pavement.
Super Bowl JokesYou have probably spotted by now that most of these NFL yarns can be improved by modifying the people or place to suit those teams still in this year's NFL playoffs.
Will and Guy Present Their Favourite Funny NFL JokesThe Bears The Chicago Bears took the field for their first play-off practice. Not long after the practice started a Bear offensive player noticed a white, powdery substance on the field. Practice was immediately stopped and experts were called in to examine the substance. With recent scares about anthrax, officials worried that terrorists had somehow gained access to the field. A group of nervous Chicago players stood and watched as the substance was examined. Finally the tests were completed and the experts revealed that the powder was just the chalk dust from the goal line. It was an understandable mistake considering the Bears' offense seldom got near that area of the field.
New York JetsWhat's the difference between the New York Jets and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar. Quarterback Why can't Mark Sanchez use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
Strange NFL Lunches"At a press confernce a Viking player, a Bills player, and a Packers player were eating their lunch together. The Viking player said, "If I have meatballs for lunch again ill jump from the top of this stadium!" The Bills player said the same about his pizza, and the Packer said the same about the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his lunchbox. The next day the Viking player got meatballs and jumped to his death. Then the Bills player got pizza and jumped to his death. Then the Colts player got peanut butter and jelly sandwich and jumped as well. At the funeral, the Viking and Bills wives were crying and said, "If only we had known this I wouldn't have packed them that lunch!" The Colts wife said, "That's strange, my husband always packs his own lunch!"
Baltimore Ravens FanMiss Marie Collins, a first-grade teacher, explains to her class that she is an Pittsburg Steelers fan. She asks her pupils to raise their hands if they are Steelers fans too. Not really knowing what a Steelers fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. Paula has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. 'Because I'm not a Steelers fan,' she answers. 'Then," asks Miss Collins, 'what are you?' 'I'm a Baltimore Ravens fan,' boasts Paula proudly. The teacher asks Paula why she is a Ravens fan. 'Well, my Dad and Mum are Ravens fans, so I'm a Ravens fan too, Paula responds. 'That's no reason,' Miss Collins retorts. 'What if your mum was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?' Paula smiles and says, 'Then I'd be a Steelers fan.'
- I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. - President Gerald Ford
- I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel 'em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep. - DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique
- He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. - Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski
- I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. - Saints RB, George Rogers
- I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat. - Art Donovan
- The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller
- Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. - Doug Plank, former-Chicago Bears
- Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can?' - QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice
- We're as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody. - Nate Newton
- I always enjoy animal acts. - President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears
Spare Seat in The Stand?Jim Lewis was thrilled to get a ticket for the Super Bowl. The big day came and he took his seat in the stand. After the pre-game show he noticed the seat in front of him was still vacent. Even after the kick-off nobody was sitting there, so he asked the guy next to the empty seat why nobody was sitting there. The guy replied it would have been my wife's seat but she just died." "Well," said Jim man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Classic Superbowl joke that could be made funnier by subsituting other teams such as the Vikings or the Lions.