Funny Eye Jokes

Did you hear the joke about the optician who fell into the lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

• Customer Late
  for Appointment with Optician
• Unusual Short Sighted
  Problem
• Interesting Optical Illusion

Customer Late for
Appointment with Optician

Unusual Short Sighted
Problem

Kelvin kept going to the ophthalmist because his left eye hurt. The eye
specialist questioned Kelvin. ‘Your eye hurts only when you drink tea.
I suggest you can’t drink
tea.’

Kelvin stuttered, ‘But I love tea with two sugars.’

The opthalmist said, ‘Okay, then make sure you take the spoon out.’

Funny Eye Test

A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver’s
license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters.  On the bottom
row were these letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

‘Can you read this?’
the optician asked.

‘Read it?’
the Polish guy replied – ‘I know the fellow.’

Framed

An old gentleman, whose name was Sidney, thought his eyesight was
deteriorating, so he decided to go to see an optometrist and have them
tested.

Nelly, the optometrist, speaks to Sidney, saying, ‘All right, let’s check
you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your
right eye and read that chart on the wall over there.’

Sidney puts his left hand over his left eye. The optometrist says, ‘No, no,
no. Put your right hand over your right eye.’

Poor old Sidney puts both hands over both eyes.  Nelly is, by now, becoming annoyed.

Sidney continues to do things badly and Nelly becomes angry and says,
‘All right, I’ll fix you!’ she mutters.  She takes a paper bag out of the cupboard, cuts one hole in it, puts it
over Sidney’s head, and demands, ‘Now, read that chart!’

Sidney reads it perfectly. The optometrist takes the bag off, and Sidney
begins to cry like a baby. Nelly then barks, ‘Now, what’s the matter with
you?’

‘Well,’ sobbed Sidney, ‘when I first came in here, I had my heart set on
wire frames.’

Interesting Optical Illusion

Instruction

Focus on the
centre of one of the circles.  What happens is that circle stops,
but the rest of the swirls keep spinning.

Please note that the above image is not animated.  They are perfectly
still.

Ferris Wheel – Another Circle Optical Illusion

This reminds Will and Guy of the London Eye.  It’s truly mesmerising
the way that the blobs or pin-heads seem to rotate clockwise.  While
our brain tells us they are still, our eyes are telling us that there is a
circular motion.

Eye Specialist Definitions

Opthalmist: Someone who makes lenses and eyeglasses.

Optometrist: A qualified person who is trained to
examine the eyes for visual defects, diagnose problems or impairments, and
prescribe corrective lenses.

Ophthalmologist: An eye doctor who deals the eyes, the
brain, and the areas around the eye, such as eyelids.

Opticians: Can only fill a prescription for
lenses/glasses.

Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery

1. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
2. Better
   save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5. …and could you stop that thing from beating; it’s
   throwing my concentration off
6. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
7. Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.  However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
8. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
   See more doctor jokes

Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy if you have a funny
eye jokes.