Kelvin kept going to the ophthalmist because his left eye hurt. The eye
specialist questioned Kelvin. 'Your eye hurts only when you drink tea.
I suggest you can't drink
Kelvin stuttered, 'But I love tea with two sugars.'
The opthalmist said, 'Okay, then make sure you take the spoon out.'
Funny Eye Test
A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters. On the bottom
row were these letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?'
the optician asked.
the Polish guy replied - 'I know the fellow.'
John went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and was prescribed
glasses. He asked the doctor if these will I be able to read the
newspaper after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be," said the John with joy, "I have been
illiterate all my life so far."
An old gentleman, whose name was Sidney, thought his eyesight was
deteriorating, so he decided to go to see an optometrist and have them
Nelly, the optometrist, speaks to Sidney, saying, 'All right, let's check
you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your
right eye and read that chart on the wall over there.'
Sidney puts his left hand over his left eye. The optometrist says, 'No, no,
no. Put your right hand over your right eye.'
Poor old Sidney puts both hands over both eyes. Nelly is, by now, becoming annoyed.
Sidney continues to do things badly and Nelly becomes angry and says,
'All right, I'll fix you!' she mutters. She takes a paper bag out of the cupboard, cuts one hole in it, puts it
over Sidney's head, and demands, 'Now, read that chart!'
Sidney reads it perfectly. The optometrist takes the bag off, and Sidney
begins to cry like a baby. Nelly then barks, 'Now, what's the matter with
'Well,' sobbed Sidney, 'when I first came in here, I had my heart set on
Interesting Optical Illusion
Focus on the
centre of one of the circles. What happens is that circle stops,
but the rest of the swirls keep spinning.
Please note that the above image is not animated. They are perfectly
Ferris Wheel - Another Circle Optical Illusion
This reminds Will and Guy of the London Eye. It's truly mesmerising
the way that the blobs or pin-heads seem to rotate clockwise. While
our brain tells us they are still, our eyes are telling us that there is a
New Wonder Glasses
Patient: I am seeing spots before my eyes.
Optometrist: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
Eye Specialist Definitions
Opthalmist: Someone who makes lenses and eyeglasses.
Optometrist: A qualified person who is trained to
examine the eyes for visual defects, diagnose problems or impairments, and
prescribe corrective lenses.
Ophthalmologist: An eye doctor who deals the eyes, the
brain, and the areas around the eye, such as eyelids.
Opticians: Can only fill a prescription for
Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's
throwing my concentration off
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
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