Funny Elephant Jokes

Elephants remind me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and
for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. WC Fields

• Baby Elephant picture -
  Calf having fun
• Elephant keeping dry?
• Elephant playing football
• Funny Elephant Pictures
• Elephant's Nest
• 
  Naughty elephant
• The story of elephant painting
• Differences between African and Indian Elephants
• Best Elephant joke
• Cringing Elephant joke

Baby Elephant picture - Calf having fun

What joy.  Wouldn't you love to be that baby elephant playing in the
water?  Incidentally adult elephants can hold up to 10 litres of water in their trunks.

Rare Picture of an Elephant Swimming

Elephant keeping dry?

Elephant playing football

The baby elephant brings an extra dimension to football - his trunk.  Will he play better when his tusks arrive?  Or would they puncture the football?

Judging by the large ears, this footballer is an African elephant.  The baby elephant playing in the water (top of page) maybe an Indian elephant, however I find it difficult to be sure because of the
angle of the ears.

Elephants Keeping Fit

The old tricks are the best

Even though we have fabulous special effects in the cinema and on DVD, we don't have the old big top circus with a dozen elephants all able to tricks like the above.  All we have of the old 'Three ring
circus' is the saying, and for those of us fortunate to have seen Billy Smart's circus in the 1950s, wonderful memories.  My American cousins say that Barnum and Bailey had bigger and better elephants,
however, they blew their cred with the claim that America invented the Elephant.

As we say - the old tricks are the best, this baby elephant still has a lot
to learn!  See the funny elephant picture below.

Elephant's Nest

Logic says that elephants just don't nest in trees.  Close inspection
reveals that the 'Elephant's nest' is some way off the ground, thus the elephant
could not have just sat on bundle of sticks just off the ground.

When we magnified the picture it looks as though the tree is in sharp focus, but
the elephant is slightly blurred.  Could it be that someone transposed a
clear jpeg file of an elephant over another image of a very large nest?

However, when all is said and done, it would make a great picture to go with a
pub called: 'The Elephant's Nest'

The Story of Elephant Painting

Firstly, Five is an unusual name, especially for
an African Elephant.  Secondly Five has come up with an unusual use for her trunk - she uses it to paint!

With help from her keeper, Five has painted more than 50 works of art.  Painting experts
even think that
her unique contemporary style is worthy of an exhibition exhibition.  Even better, her masterpieces are in demand and you could buy one at the West Midland Safari Park in Bewdley, Worcestershire.

Back to that strange name, Five was one of three African Elephants that were brought to England from an elephant orphanage in South Africa - when she was five years old.  That was back in 1998, thus she is
14 going on 15 in 2007.  Elephant ages and maturity are not unlike humans, thus Five would now be considered a teenager in the elephant world.

Polo elephant forgets what he's meant
to be doing - From Thailand

It's easy to forget how
strong elephants are.  Here a polo elephant pushes over a 4x4 vehicle with a playful nudge.

Another Naughty Elephant Picks Up a Bike

Maybe these drivers should have obeyed the sign:  Danger elephants crossing:

Naughty Elephants have a Snack

Meanwhile:  Keepers have re-captured one of the elephants!

Is this an amusing picture of an elephant statue?  Or a worrying
picture of an elephant in transit?

Elephants Story - Prevent Democracy in Sri Lanka

The Sri Lankan Daily News has informed Will and Guy that a herd of wild
elephants blocked the access road for voters heading to vote in polling booths
in Wellaveli, eastern Sri Lanka. Security forces had to use loud hailers to
drive away the wild elephants after the villagers, in Wellaveli, complained that
they were unable to vote. The police and army were able to draw away the herd
after a few hours and said the roads have now apparently been cleared.

Elephants
Get Their Boots

Two Asian elephants been fitted with breathable waterproof boots to relieve chronic foot lesions.  Keepers a the at Singapore zoo tried acupuncture and compresses, but the were not as effective as the
boots.  Vets fitted the female elephants Jamilah and Tun with the special boots.  Tun, 20, has one front leg longer than the other.  Her problems started when a male elephant mounted her and
caused her to buckle.

More Elephant Care

Mocha, a female Indian elephant, lost her right front leg when she stood on a
landmine on the Thai-Myanmar border.  Mocha was severely injured and
might have had to be put down.

Experts at the Friends of the Asian Elephant Hospital in northern Thailand's
Lampang province have come to her aid and manufactured and fitted a false leg.

The artificial limb is made from canvas the vets are  hoping she can soon
be set safely free on her own four feet again.  Will and Guy hope that when
she is released Mocha will have a full and happy life, safe from poachers.

Differences between African and Indian
Elephants

The African elephants (Loxodonta africana) are the ones with the bigger ears.  In fact, African elephants are also taller and heavier than their Indian cousins (Elephas maximus).  A large African
elephant could be 12ft at the shoulder and weigh 8 tons.  Mostly elephants amble serenely at human walking speed, but in a stampede they could reach 25 mph, which is faster than an Olympic sprinter.

They
say an elephant never forgets.  This is also good news for other elephants and they care for members of their family if they become ill or injured by poachers.

In African elephants, both male and females have enlarged incisors which develop into the famous tusks.  Whereas, in Indian elephants, tusks development is much greater in males than females.
Confusingly, some Indian male elephants don't develop tusks, thus you cannot rely on the presence of tusks to determine the gender of an Indian elephant.

Another difference is in the shape of the back, the
African elephants dips, and you could imaging a gigantic saddle fitting on their back.  The Indian elephant on the other hand has a level or slightly convex back, saddling would be more difficult.

If you
get a close look at the trunk, the Indian elephant has only one 'finger' at the end of its trunk, whereas the African elephant has two lips or fingers.  The picture to the right also illustrates how the
trunk is really an extension of the nose.  While you cannot see the tips of the trunks in our pictures, you should be able to see from the ears that 'Polo elephant' is Indian, while 'Five' the painting
elephant has to be African.

It's also worth checking the toes on the hind
feet.  Both African and Indian elephants have five toes on the forelegs, so
that does not help discriminate.  However, the hind legs may reveal a
difference.  Only three toes is a strong indicator of an African elephant,
while five toes would almost certainly mean an Indian elephant.

That leaves the situation where you see four toes on the hind legs, most
likely this is an Asian elephant.

Best Elephant Joke

Nick is standing at the customs desk at the ferry
port with a large crate.

'Anything to declare, jewellery, alcohol, livestock?' barks the Customs officer. 'Nothing', replies Nick.

The Customs officer opens the crate, and there inside is an
elephant between two slices of bread. 'I thought you said no livestock?' explodes the customs officer.

Nick looks at him with surprise and answers mildly, 'What's it to you what I have in my
sandwiches?'

Cringing Elephant Joke

The town's bank manager called the police station to report a robbery.

'You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my
bank, the doors opened. Out comes these robbers and they lead an elephant out of the truck. The elephant then breaks through my plate glass window, sticks his trunk in, sucks up all the money. Then the gang lead
the elephant back into the truck. The robbers close the truck doors and the truck pulled away.'

The desk sergeant said, 'Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an African
elephant or an Indian elephant?'

'How can you tell the difference?' asked the bank manager.

'Well,' said the sergeant, 'The African elephant has great big ears whereas the Indian elephant
has little ears. So which kind of elephant was used in the robbery?'

'How should I know? I couldn't see his ears,' said the bank manager. 'He had a stocking over his head.'

Interesting Facts About
Elephants

• A group of elephants can be called a 'memory of elephants', although a
  herd is a more common collective noun.  On a related theme, elephants
  follow cattle in that the females, males and offspring are called, cows,
  bulls and calves respectively.
• The elephant's memory is legendary, what is not so well known is they
  have a special ceremony for greeting a long lost member of the herd.  In this
  greeting ceremony both elephants flap their ears, trumpet and generally
  express joy.
• It would be easy to be fooled into thinking that elephants drank through
  their trunks; in fact they use the trunk as a funnel to collect water, but
  then pour it into their mouth.  Sometimes elephants choose to spray
  themselves with the water rather than drinking it.  Incidentally, there
  are no bones in an elephant's trunk.
• An elephant detective could track an elephant by following their individual
  footprints.  What would help such stalking is the elephant's habit of
  using the same paths as their ancestors.
• Elephants display 'right-handedness', not in their limbs, but in the
  tusks.  Close examination of an elephant's tusks will reveal that one
  tusk has a blunter tip and is thicker than its less favoured counterpart.  The
  reason for this difference is that in their natural habitat elephants use their tusk(s) for
  gathering food, and digging for water.  Consequently the tusk on their favourite becomes more developed, but blunter.
• Elephant's ivory poses a terrible dilemma, it's a wonderful and
  versatile material, but the fact that tusks are so valuable encourages
  poaching.  It seems particularly obscene to think of such a noble,
  sensitive, joyous animal suffering at the hands of barbaric poachers.
  All that Will and Guy can do about it is not to buy anything made of ivory.
• The gestation period of mammals is in proportion to their size.
  Thus, pregnancy in mice lasts about 21 days, whereas in elephants it takes
  over 21 months.

Footnote:
Please send us your elephant jokes, and funny elephant
pictures.  Meanwhile, check out our Elephant
Escapes video.