Here is Will and Guy's collection of amusing Christmas songs. Some lyrics are modern and other are traditional.
- We three kings of porridge and tar.
- On the first day of Christmas, my tulip gave to me.
- Sleep in heavenly peas.
- He's making a list, chicken and rice.
- You'll go down in Listerine.
- Noel, Noel, Barney's the King of Israel.
- Olive, the other reindeer...
- Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say.
- Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay.
- In the meadow we can build a snowman; then pretend that he is sparse and brown.
- Come, froggy faithful.
- Deck the halls with Buddy Holly.
- Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are ...
- Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?
- Amnesia - I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas.
- Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Us.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me.
- Borderline Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry, and I'll not Tell You Why.
- Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House.
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
- Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent night, Holy oooh look at the-it's snowing-can I have a chocolate-why is France so far away?
- Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
Funny Christmas Carol LyricsAll I want for Christmas is my two front teeth Every body stops and stares at me These two teeth are gone as you can see I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe! But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be! All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth, see my two front teeth! Grandma got run over by a reindeer Grandma got run over by a reindeer Walking home from our house Christmas eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe. She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog, And we'd begged her not to go. But she'd left her medication, So she stumbled out the door into the snow. When they found her Christmas mornin', At the scene of the attack. There were hoof prints on her forehead, And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back. I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus Best to use the tune: 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' by The Fibs Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus In my home town shopping mall last night. I knew it must be him Santa is a very slim. And his sideburns where much darker Than the whiskers on his chin. Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus Hiding under that beard of snowy white. Then I saw his whiskers slip, When he curled his lip. Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.
4 More Funny Christmas Carol Titles That Escaped From The Top 10
- Antisocial Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire
- Bipolar Disorder (Manic Episode) - Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And.......
- Alzheimer's Disease/Senile Dementia - Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
A Christmas CarolA Christmas Carol was written by Charles Dickens in 1834. It is perhaps the first time we see the idea of celebrating Christmas at home with the family. The story features such famous characters as Ebenezer Scrooge, Tiny Tim and Bob ratchit, and of course the Ghosts of Christmas, Past, Present and Future.
Scrooge is the world's most maligned character. How do we think of Ebenezer Scrooge? Firstly it's always Scrooge and never Ebenezer, secondly we always see him as hating children and being mean with money. If you find the time to read Charles Dickens novel 'A Christmas Carol', then you will discover a more complex personality. Indeed, the novel shows that Scrooge as a Jekyll and Hyde tendencies, where good overcomes evil. The name Scrooge has become synonymous with meanness, and nothing is likely to change that general perception. We must also remember that Scrooge is a product of his time - London in the 1840s.
The Original ScroogeThe original Scrooge (who pre-dated Ebenezer) was probably Oliver Cromwell and his Puritan Council, who, in December 1657 abolished all Christmas festivities. These were restored in 1660 when King Charles the second was returned to the throne. See a good account of Charles Dickens Christmas Carol Featuring Scrooge
A Parent's Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse. Instructions were studied and we were inspired, In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required." The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, While Dad and I faced the evening with dread: A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot! And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot! We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat.... Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete! Too late for last-minute returns or replacement; If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement! When what to my worrying eyes should appear, But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear, With each part numbered and every slot named, So if we failed, only we could be blamed. More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out, All over the carpet they were scattered about. "Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there! Slide on the seats, and staple the stair! Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand." "Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand." And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night With "assembly required" till morning's first light. We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work, Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt. The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin Before we attached the last rod and last pin. Then laying the tools away in the chest, We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest. But I said to my husband just before I passed out, "This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt. Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring, And not have to run to the store for a thing! We did it! We did it! The toys are all set For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!" Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went, Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded... I'd forgotten that batteries are never included! Author Unknown
More Amusing and Funny Christmas Songs
Health, Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note: permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered noise pollution.
While Shepherds WatchedWhile shepherds watched Their flocks by night All seated on the ground The angel of the Lord came down And glory shone around
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs must be made available. Shepherds have also requested that, due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year, they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
Rudolph the Red-nosed ReindeerRudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows.
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to thee ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
Little DonkeyLittle donkey, little donkey on the dusty road Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA have strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights
We Three KingsWe three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar Field and fountain, moor and mountain Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient's name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would advise that the traversing kings do not rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of AA Routefinder or GPS navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.
Away in a Manger No Crib for a Bed
Social Services will visit and may remove any child to a place of safety pending further action against parents, or other persons, who may be found to be guilty of neglect by not providing adequate bedding and shelter for a child in their care. Criminal proceedings may be instituted after a case study has been carried out and fully discussed at a full meeting of the appropriate Social Services Committee.Kindly sent in by Shirley Willis.