Imagine that the new academic year is about to started; here is collection of back to school jokes, howlers and funny stories to get you in the mood!
- Back to School Jokes
- Ten of The Best
- The Golden Rule of Teaching - Know your Pupils
- A Funny Poem for Your First Day
- Returning to School? - What the Experts Say
Back to School Jokes
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Head teacher!'
Back to School:- Ten of The Best Funny, Clean Jokes and Thoughts
- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
- My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past
twenty-five years. - Paul Merton
- I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. - Woody Allen
- My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section. - Norm Crosby
- Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
- I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopaedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra
- In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to the tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? - Warren Hutcherson
- You learn something every day if you pay attention. - Ray LeBlond
- In youth we learn; in age we understand - Von Ebner-Eschenbach
- If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
- Edgar W. Howe
Funny Back to School Stories and Jokes
Holidays Are Over
The summer holiday was over and young Jack returned to Wicor school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving.
'Wait a minute,' mother said. 'I had Jack with me for six weeks and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
Nathan comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, 'What did you learn today?' He replies, 'Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.'
Mum: How did you find school today?
Youngster: I simply hopped off the bus - and there it was.
Mia: I think we need a new teacher.
Mum: Why is that?
Mia: Our teacher doesn't know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers.
Doing Their Homework!
When Dad came home he was astonished to see Vic sitting on a horse, writing something. 'What on earth are you doing there?' he asked.
'Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal.' Answered Vic, 'That's why I'm here and that's why Sara's sitting in the
No Homework - Best Excuse 2010
Best Homework Excuse 1963 - The dog ate my essay.
Next term the ninth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement on Saturday at 7:30 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Free Bus To School for Granny
A 106-year-old Norwegian woman received an offer from local authorities for free bus rides to the school where she is supposed to attend next autumn Will and Guy have learned. Ingeborg Thuen, born in 1897 when the Klondyke gold rush was going strong, actually started school just before she turned six in 1903. Computers in the Os township near Bergen, Norway, read the '97 of her birth year as 1997, meaning she would be starting the first grade the next autumn.
She welcomed the free ride, saying that the last time she started school, she had to walk for an hour every morning. The letter from the township also encouraged Ingeborg's parents to list the children she would like to have in her class.
'Since I can already read, maybe I should skip a couple grades,' she joked to us.
I'm Late For School
I got up late for school today,
And nearly missed the bus!
I hurried down the stairs,
Wolfed my toast, and caused a fuss!
I quickly threw books in my bag,
My pens, my lunch and shorts.
Grabbed my coat from out the cupboard,
Took my bat and ball for sports.
I slid across the kitchen floor,
And hopped around the cat!
Then expertly rolled over,
Jumped back up and grabbed my hat!
I belted out of our front door,
Spun round and swung it shut.
Saw the bus was waiting for me,
I felt I had time to strut!
I climbed aboard and then froze still,
And knew that things weren't right!
My friends fell down in fits of fun,
And pointed with delight!
My face went red, I couldn't breathe,
For in my haste I knew!
I'd forgotten to wear trousers,
Jumper, shirt, my socks and shoes!
Written in 2003 by Gareth Lancaster
A head teacher is making his rounds of the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise.
He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the head teacher restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behaviour.
'Now,' he says, 'are there any questions?'
One girl stands up timidly. 'Please sir,' she asks, 'may we have our teacher back?'
Know Your Pupils - Back at School?
- Please excuse Susie, she has been sick and under the doctor.
- Please excuse Barry for being. It was his father'sfault.
- Cedric will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Excuse: Why Pupil Failed Exam
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'
Two Stories from the Music Department
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. In fact, he was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster, which he kept up in his attic.
- Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. Norman Douglas
- Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. Stephen Vizinczey
- Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. BF Skinner
- America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. Evan Esar
- Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world. Nelson Mandela
- Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself. John Dewey
- If little else, the brain is an educational toy. Tom Robbins
Teacher: Brett, your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's. Did you copy her?
Brett: No miss; it's the same dog.
September is here
And so is fall.
So welcome children
I hope vacation
Was real fun.
And that you're glad
School has begun.
Footnote: Please send Will and Guy your 'Back to school jokes'.