Here are interesting and funny tales about sea dogs, mariners, navy escapades and even pirates.
- The Shipwrecked Barrel
- Short Sailor Yarns
- Tales of Infamous Pirates
- Trafalgar Day
- True Seafaring Stories
Will and Guy's Humorous Stories an Jokes About Sailors
Don't Tell Anyone!Rear Admiral Craig fell overboard and was rescued by Solly, a deckhand. The officer asked the sailor how he could reward him. 'The best way, sir,' replied the *bluejacket, 'is to say nothing about it. If the other blokes knew I'd pulled you out, they'd throw me in.' *bluejacket = a term for an enlisted sailor in the US or Royal Navy
The RN PhysicalHaving passed the enlistment physical, Foley was asked by the doctor, 'Why do you want to join the Navy, son?' 'My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir.' Oh, and what does your father do?' 'He's a Brigadier in the Army, Sir.'
When I Die'Well,' snarled the tough old Royal Navy Chief to the bewildered able seaman. 'I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and dance on my grave.' 'Not me, Chief,' the seaman replied. 'Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again.'
The First Mate's TaleLieutenant Hardy, First Mate, was in a rare mood as he finished drilling the crew. He barked out a final order, 'All right, you idiots fall out.' The men fell out, but one sailor stood firm. The sailor stared at the First Mate and smiled, 'There were a lot of them weren't there sir?'
Captain's Report This petty officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - Always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
Good LookingA rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser. All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker-light message to the Aussies, 'You are beautiful.' Less than 10 seconds later, the Aussie ship blinkered back, 'I'll bet you say that to all the ships.'
Sailor's EmailCharlie, a Petty Officer in the Royal Navy, sent an email to his wife, informing her that HMS York would be returning from deployment a day early. Arriving home in Portsmouth, he found his wife with another man. Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the "Home Club" in Queen Street, Portsea to decide what to do next. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from Jane, his mother-in-law. 'Charlie,' Jane crooned, 'I checked with my daughter, Ellen, and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode.' 'This I've got to hear,' Charlie muttered. 'It was an honest mistake,' the mother-in-law, continued unabashed, 'she never got your email.'
Rabbits at SeaA rabbit's foot has been a symbol of good luck for a very long time. Even early sailors would carry one to keep them safe as they sailed. However, whole rabbit was a different story. Even when ships carried live chickens and other small animals for food on long journeys, rabbits were not ever brought. A live rabbit aboard a ship was sure to bring tragedy and death to all aboard.
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A Remarkable and True StoryA pensioner has had a lucky escape after a freak wave flung him off his small yacht in the Atlantic we have heard. 71-year-old Gerry Beard was washed overboard off the Butt of Lewis, in the Outer Hebrides, Scotland, before being sensationally flung back onto the vessel by the next wave. Mr Beard from Torridon on the west coast of Scotland had been washed off his yacht by a freak 30ft-wave into the Atlantic and the sailor was left clinging to a piece of rigging, until the next wave pushed the boat underneath him and he collapsed back into the cockpit. He said he was lucky to be alive After landing back in his yacht Mr Beard managed to activate his personal locator beacon which scrambled the Stornoway Coastguard helicopter and lifeboat to the scene 50 miles north of the Butt of Lewis. Mr Beard had been sailing solo from Reykjavik in Iceland to his home, before 40-knot winds started battering his 35ft-long boat 'Meris', damaging his radio equipment and leaving him with no chance to attach his safety lifeline. Despite the terrifying ordeal Mr Beard said he has no plans to give up sailing.
The Ship's CaptainIt was a dark, stormy, night. PJ was on his first ever task, and it was guard duty. Captain Murdoch strolled by taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young able seaman snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out, 'Good Evening, Sir.' Captain Murdoch, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said, 'Good evening seaman, nice night, isn't it?' Well it wasn't a nice night, but PJ wasn't going to disagree with the Captain, so the he saluted again and replied, 'Yes Sir.' Captain Murdoch continued, 'You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree? Naturally, the seaman didn't agree, but then PJ was just a seaman, and responded, 'Yes Sir.' Then, Captain Murdoch, pointing at the dog said, 'This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.' PJ glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said, 'Yes Sir.' The Captain continued, 'I got this dog for my wife.' PJ, with a glint in his eye responded simply, 'Good trade, Sir.'
See a similar good wife trade »