Polish jokes.

Q: Why can’t they use the new football stadium in Warsaw?
A: No matter
where you sit, you were behind a Pole.

• Janek Warszawski
  Marries a Welsh Girl
• Bad Polish Driver – Mr
  Prawo Jazdy
• Eye Test for Driving Licence
• 
  Unfortunate Polish Husband
  Banished
  to the Dog House
• Polish One-liners

Janek Warszawski Marries a
Welsh Girl

Janek was born and raised in Poland, last year he decided to follow his
sister Krystyna to the United Kingdom.

Shortly after Janek obtained his official UK registration certificate he
fell in love with Sian Hopkins of Cardiff, and following a whirl-wind
romance they were married.  Although Janek’s English was not perfect,
and Sian’s first language was Welsh, they got along very well.

One day the Janek rushed into Cardiff Law Firm’s office and asked Jones
the solicitor to arrange a divorce from his Welsh wife Sian.  Mr Jones said that
getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked the Pole the
following questions:

Janek, have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre of land and nice little
home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
Most of my relations still in
Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Sian has a hi-fidelity
stereo and I have a DVD player.

Does Sian beat you up?
No, I always get up first.

Is your wife a nagger?
Certainly not, she’s Celtic.

Why then, do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at chemist and put on my shelf in bathroom.
I can
read English pretty good, and it say:-

More Classic Polish Jokes

Bad Polish Driver – Mr
Prawo Jazdy

Prawo Jazdy is like the Scarlet Pimpernel, he keeps cropping up all over
the place.  He’s wanted
for over 40 driving offences all over Ireland.  Now, Prawo is clever
because every each time the *Garda arrest him, his driving licence has a different address.
Every man in the *Garda has a different theory about how this
Will-o’-the-Wisp escapes the clutches of the law.  Finally, the penny
dropped, Prawo Jardy is not a person’s name, but the Polish words for
Driving Licence.

The Garda had caught 47 different Polish drivers, but thought they were
dealing with the same man.  Naturally, the Polish community in Ireland are having a good
laugh about Mr Prawo Jazdy.

*Garda are the Irish Police force.

 Eye Test
for Driving Licence

A Polish immigrant, called Eryk Kowalski, went to the DVLA to apply for a driving
licence.

One of the first tasks was to take a sight test.

The
optician showed him a card with the letters.  On the bottom row were
these letters: ‘W A L C Z A K’

‘Can you read this?’  Asked the tester.

‘Read it?’  Eryk said
with glee – ‘I know that man.’

Unfortunate
Polish Husband Banished to the Dog House

Last February, Zdzislaw Bukarowcz, a seventy-seven year old Polish man from
Scinawa, lived in a dog’s kennel for two weeks.  It was all the work of his zona*, Mrs Bukarowcz, her reason for dishing out this punishment was because
Zdzislaw repeatedly
came home drunk.

She chained him to the kennel and fed him on dog food;  Zdzislaw was given water from a dog bowl.  At night the temperatures often dropped to minus 20 degrees Celsius.

Pani Bukarowcz told reporters that she was sick of him wasting all their money
on vodka. His drinking companions, worried by his non-attendance in the pub, eventually freed him from his imprisonment in the dog house and called the police.

* Zona is Polish for wife.  Pani means Mrs in Polish.
(We would like to know the Polish for ‘Dog house’)

Polish One-liners

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the
merry-go-round.

Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
A: He
varnished into thin air!

Q: ‘Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?’
A: ‘No I’m German, but how did
you know my name is Walter?’

Polish Man Working

Bloke from Poland!

Picture kindly sent in by Alistair.

Footnote:
Please write to Guy if you have a funny Polish joke.