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I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to
be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't
agonize over those
things for long
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend. I don't
chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't
need, but looks so avante-garde on my patio. I am
entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging
Whose business is it if I
choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am, and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old!
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten, and I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart
break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a
beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength
and understanding and compassion. A heart
never broken is pristine and
sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to
have my youthful laughs be forever
etched into deep grooves on my face. So
many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn
silver. I can say '
no, 'and mean it. I can say '
yes, 'and mean it
As you get older,
it is easier to be positive. You care less about what
other people think. I don't
question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has
set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat
dessert every single day
Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.
Kindly send by my sister Alicia.