Jokes for each day of the week



  1. Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?
  2. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  3. When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Map Reading

A Senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we booked for him. I asked for details of what was wrong with the hotel in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I am looking at the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!'

Unexpected Knowledge Gained From the Movies

  • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  • A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

Funny Notices seen in Hotel Bedrooms:

  1. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice.
  2. Please to bathe inside the tub.
  3. Please leave your values at the front desk.
  4. You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
  5. Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Marriage One-liners

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'.  Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Irish Doctors

The Doctor was puzzled,  'I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, O' Flaherty. I think it must be drink.'

'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.' said O' Flaherty.