Jobsworth Tales and Funny Stories
- Jobsworth on the Road
- Jobsworth - Painting Yellow Line
- The Wall
- Media Jobsworths
- Jobsworth Silences Poets' Corner
- Jobsworth at the Supermarket
- Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die
- Worst Jobsworth Yet - Warden Clamps a Hearse
- Garden Birds Too Loud Says Council Jobsworth
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∇Jobsworth on the Road
Well, this is where the plan of the jobsworth says the pole must go, so here it where we will dig the hole - even if it is in the middle of the road.
Jobsworth Workmen Paint White Lines Around Dead Badger
Workmen painting white lines on a road left a gap for a dead badger because they said it was not their responsibility to move it. The animal had been killed about a week before on the A338 near Downton, on the Hampshire-Wiltshire border, England. Hampshire County Council said the workers did what they thought 'was best' because it is the district council's job to remove carcasses. Subsequently the dead badger has been removed and the lines will be painted.
Jobsworth - Painting Yellow Line
The 18-inch single yellow line
in Highbury Crescent in Highbury, London is just long enough to fit one wheel, reports the BBC.
Islington Council said no ticket has ever been issued on the line, which was put there 'to help drivers'.
Councillor Lucy Watt, of Islington Council, said the stretch of kerb was shared by residents' bays and pay and display bays. She added, 'In Islington we take a common sense approach to parking enforcement.
This means making sure signs and lines clearly identify the different parking bays we provide for residents and visitors.'
Will and Guy say: In the old days, a 'common sense approach' would have
meant extending the adjacent parking bays by 9 inches each.
Another Candidate for the World's Silliest Double Yellow Lines
As if the yellow lines in Highbury Crescent, London were not stupid enough, we have found another example of money wastage by a local council because of a 'jobsworth' attitude. This time the lines are in Islington, London, where a road, which is just over a metre wide, has been painted on both sides of the street to emphasise that parking there is prohibited. Once again Will and Guy say, 'You couldn't make it up.' See more funny yellow lines.Jobsworth In the Parking Lot
Essex Jobsworths Bungle Lettering on Road
The bungling crew became a laughing stock in Manningtree, Essex, England
when they ran out of space after painting on the first four letters of the
word.
Will and Guy suggest you look closely and find the first word, in front
of the red car, saying KEEP ....... the letters behind the red car are left
unfinished as the disorganised road painters ran out of space and road. It
should, of course read CLEAR.
Instead of burning the letters off and doing it again, the painters left
things as they were ........ quite ridiculous but amusing.
Jobsworth Update 2013
Health and Safety is often cited as an excuse for bad service or to put a stop to legitimate activities which are perfectly safe. The Health and Safety Executive now operates a Myth Busters Challenge Panel to draw attention to bogus claims. Employment Minister, Chris Grayling, said it was "hugely frustrating when excuses are being made in the name of health and safety" "The Myth Busters Challenge Panel is helping the man and woman on the street to fight back against the jobsworths."Here Are Some Recent Jobsworth 'Cases'
- In Derbyshire, an investigation revealed a restaurant which had refused a 42-year-old diner a toothpick on the grounds of health and safety. The diner told them that - as a grown-up - he was happy to take the risk of putting a toothpick in his mouth.
- A couple staying in a hotel were informed that the chambermaid could not make up a cot bed because it was a health and safety hazard.
- A woman was refused a blanket on a Monarch Airlines flight when returning from a holiday in Turkey. Zoe Hammond claimed she asked an attendant for a blanket because she was cold but was told she could not have one on grounds of health and safety. The attendant then said a blanket could be purchased for five pounds.
- A boot supplier claimed that it was banned from accepting dirty boots for return.
- A number of cafes and restaurants have refused to heat up baby food because the hot food might burn the baby's mouth.
- A golf club told players that golf buggies could not be used as they were not health and safety authorised.
- A campsite banned sleeping in a camper van.
- Bubbles were banned at a child's party.
Will has been doing more Jobsworth research - his findings are hard to believe:
The Wall
Here is a sign on the wall at Douglas, Isle of Man. The wall separates the promenade from the sunken gardens,
and it's only about 3 feet high.
Fishy?
There is a tale, reported on the BBC, about a woman who was caught out by 'fishing inspectors' because she was holding her husband's fishing rod while he was putting a maggot on the hook. She was holding the
rod, but it was her husband who held the licence to fish, and inspectors caught her. [Will thinks that since she was not fishing she had done nothing wrong]
Incredulous
Another story, also heard on the BBC, tells of
American officials who suspended a pub's licence for three days, because they said topless male dancers broke a law against the showing of bare breasts.
See more tales of American
Jobsworths
Ode to Jobsworths by Jeremy Taylor
Jobsworth, Jobsworth, It's more than me job's worth, I don't care, rain or snow, whatever you want the answer's no, I can keep you waiting for hours in the queue, and if you don't like it you know what you can do.Media Jobsworths
The BBC was once famous for a particular breed of Jobsworth. One of these is supposed to have been on duty at Broadcasting House when King Haakon of Norway appeared at the security desk, gave the Jobsworth his name and told him that he was due to participate in a programme in studio 6. The Jobsworth went to ring the studio. A moment later he put his hand over the phone and called out, 'Excuse me, Sir, where was it you said you was King of?' Another Jobsworth story tells how Agatha Christie was the guest of honour at a Foyle's literary luncheon. The doorman asked her for her invitation and refused to admit her when she couldn't produce it. She didn't make any fuss but just went home. I would have loved to have seen the resulting panic as the literati looked for their guest of honour and realised the important role played by the doorman.Jobsworth Defined
The true 'Jobsworth' is one who knows the rules backwards, if there is any flexibility with a rule he will ignore choose not to use it. It's important to distinguish jobsworths from someone who really has no flexibility and really would lose their job. Will and Guy first heard the term Jobsworth in the 1970s when Esther Rantzen in the TV programme That's Life! introduced a 'Jobsworth of the Week'. The compound word comes from the phrase 'I can't do that, because it's more than my job's worth.' Guy and Will have researched the following examples which we hope will amuse you:Funny Jobsworths - Can You Believe It?
A woman has been accused of littering, after sweeping leaves into a pile. Street sweepers refused to remove the leaves at the end of Sandra Pote's drive because some were in her garden. Sandra, 61, thought she was doing the cleaning truck crew a favour as they drove down the road in Torquay, Devon, but she was accused of fly-tipping by the council, reports BBC news. Torbay council insisted the couple should have taken the leaves to a tip. A spokesman said, 'Householders have a responsibility to deal with leaves on their property'.Keep of the Grass
This silly sign has been spotted in Raynes Park, a suburb of Merton,
London, England report Will and Guy.
The verge measures only 3ft by 2ft but has its own 'Keep off the Grass'
sign. This jobsworth warning has appeared as officials plan £70 million of
cuts because of the ongoing recession.
We concur with the residents of the borough who told us, ... not only is
the "grass" mostly weeds [dandelions] but that it is an enormous waste of
public money.
Please send us your stupid signs.
You will rarely hear anything quite so stupid: [except on our 'jobsworth' pages]
A Lincolnshire pensioner was fined £75 [$150.50 USD] for putting a bag of rubbish [wait for it] in a bin. John Richards, 84, a retired journalist, left a neatly parcelled carrier bag in a lamp-post bin rather than wait ten days for his fortnightly waste collection. Council officials tracked him down and accused him of fly-tipping. They said he faced a fine of up to £2,500 if he went to court so Mr Richards, of Boston, handed over nearly three-quarters of his weekly pension to pay the £75 penalty. He remarked, 'It's just ludicrous. I've never thrown litter in my life. It's only a small house and it would be intolerable to keep rotting food waste indoors until the next collection.' A council jobsworth opined, 'Public bins are there for everyone to use. If one is repeatedly filled by an individual it creates a problem.'Council Jobsworth and
the Pirate Flag
A seven-year-old boy who was told to take down his pirate flag by a
Lincolnshire council has received a letter of apology. The young lad, who
has Asperger's syndrome, was told his Jolly Roger breached planning
regulations.
East Lindsey District Council said it had acted after a complaint was
made about the flag. However, it has now sent the family an official apology
saying no further action would be taken.
In a letter, the authority said it wanted to 'take the opportunity to
apologise to you formally for the severity of the letter you received in
relation to the pirate flag you were flying in the garden for your son,
Anthony. When we receive a planning related complaint, the council has a
duty to write to make those concerned aware, but accept on this occasion our
letter was over the top.'
A good thing too, say Will and Guy.
Jobsworth Silences Poets'
Corner
Bureaucratic Council Bans Poetry Readings in Local Hostelry
This is a photograph of The Royal Standard Pub in the charming and
historic market city of Ely, Cambridgeshire, England.
Will and Guy have not visited this particular hostelry but we have
learned that it is a popular local pub which has a license for
entertainment. That means it is licensed for music and for singing.
This is quite normal in pubs throughout the UK.
However, to our horror, we can establish that the landlord of the pub, Mr
Richard Whitmore, has been threatened with a £5,000 [$80000 USD] fine on
health and safety grounds because he hasn't a licence for speaking.
What? I hear you cry: however, it is true. East Cambridgeshire District
Council has called time on the 'Turning Point' poetry group which had been
attracting customers to the Royal Standard on quiet Tuesday evenings. It is
this type of 'jobsworth' attitude which amuses and sometimes infuriates Will
and Guy.
In response to the Council's threat Mr Whitmore is reported to have said,
'It's trivial and pathetic. We've got a licence for 200 burly men to bounce
around to whatever music they want, but not for a small number of quiet
people to have a talk. When they give recitals it's not even amplified. They
just get up and speak.'
Jobsworth Fines Dead Woman for Late Library Book
...(vidFL2)
Elizabeth Schaper was stunned by
the librarian's 50-cent demand when she returned her late mother's book to a library in Westchester County, New York, USA. 'I told him that maybe he didn't hear me right, that my mother had just died, otherwise
I'm sure that she would have returned it on time,' she said. 'His only reply was: 'That will be 50 cents.' reports the Metro newspaper.
She had only found the book, 'The Price of Silence by Camilla
Trinchieri', a few days after her mother's death. 'My mother was an avid reader - she read an average of two books a week,' Ms Schaper added. 'She was a frequent patron of the library.'
Connie Perrotta,
a secretary for the director of the Harrison Public Library, confirmed the incident occurred but said the library would have no comment.
It gets worse..... Here follows an account of
another jobsworth, this time in bank.
Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die
An elderly lady died in January 2007 and a world renowned bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, and it became somewhere around $60.00USD [£30 sterling]. A family member telephoned Citibank [the Jobsworth in the tale] and here is the supposed verbatim transcript of the conversation. It may make you smile at the inefficiency and intransigence of the employees at the bank or on the other hand it will probably make you cringe.
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you that she
died in January.' Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it
already has been.'
Family Member: 'So what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Bank: 'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family
Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Bank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?' Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor comes to the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.' Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you
want to collect from her estate?' Bank: 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer information given)
Bank: 'Could you fax us a death certificate?' Family Member: 'Sure.'
(fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Bank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could
just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'
Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Bank: 'That might help.' Family
Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet?'
Worst Jobsworth Yet - Warden Clamps a Hearse
An overzealous traffic warden removed the hearse for a supposed parking
violation, just as the deceased's coffin leaves the church. You can see the
distraught funeral party on the bottom left. Well done
another jobsworth!
