- Crazy Japanese Toilet
- Quotes from the Newspapers
- Funny Toilet Humour - Room with a View!
- Cultural Sign
- No Thought For The Disabled
- A Loo with a View
- Stolen Urinal Returned to Pub
- A Bride Marries in a Dress Made from Toilet Rolls
- Toilet Myths
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∇Crazy Japanese Toilet


Toilet Humour
Many cultures regard toilet humour as taboo. Will and Guy think that
laughing at toilet humour is an act of rebellion to such repressed thinking.
We were surprised to learn that Japanese toilet humour is so popular.Quotes from the Newspapers
- Visitors to Longforth Road public toilets might be interested to know they are now being powered by wind. (Wellington Weekly News)
- June 10-16: Open Bowels Tournament Teignmouth. (Events Leaflet for South Devon)
- If Tesco, BHS, ASDA and others can supervise toilets effectively, it's time our council got to the bottom of the matter. (Wrexham Leader)
- In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
A Priest Runs out of Petrol
After a Sunday service, the priest ran out of petrol on his way home. Fortunately, the village garage was only about half a mile away. Amazingly, the garage did not have any petrol containers. The priest pleaded that the garage owner must have a container that would hold half a gallon of petrol. After much searching the proprietor came up with a chamber pot. Although it was not strictly legal, they filled the chamber pot with petrol and the priest set off happily back to his car. Just as the priest was decanting the petrol from the chamber pot into his tank a lorry driver stopped, wound down his window and said: 'Father, I have heard of the miracle of changing water into wine, but I think you're pushing your luck with that chamber pot'.Funny Toilet Humour
- Theme Room with a
View!
Here are a collection of funny pictures of toilets in unusual locations.Chinese Proverb
Journey of 100,000 steps must begin with trip to rest room.Cultural Sign
It seems to me that all cultures have variations of this Chinese Great wall sign. To digress slightly, do you find that when you are in a pub listening to jokes, how one joke reminds you of another? Well here is an example. In English the loos are labelled 'Ladies' and 'Gents', but in my homeland, Wales, the word for 'Ladies' is Merched. Well a group of visiting Japanese tourists were heard to say.' All day we see everywhere sign posts to this place Merched, but we no find it. Is it nice place? Could you direct us to Merched please?'An Inside Leak
Yan Dabin, a former director of transport for Wushan County, Chongqing, China, was sentenced to death for taking bribes totalling 22.3 million Yuan ($3.5 million). Apparently he had been in the pay of road building companies to ensure they got lucrative construction contracts. It was a leaky WC that caused Yan's downfall. Following a complaint that water was trickling through the ceiling of the vacant apartment above. When an official investigated they found not only a leaking toilet, but eight waterlogged cardboard boxes containing 9.4 million Yuan. (Over $1 million).
Top Quality Loo with a View

Montezuma's Revenge?
One Russian soldier calls another on morning, their conversation goes like this: Listen, did we drink beer yesterday? Yes. And vodka? Yes. And missile fuel? Yes. Have you already visited the toilet? No. Better you don't go! I call you now from America!The Funny Story of the Lady and The Lavatory or Water Closet (WC)

The Hilarious Reply
Will and Guy are able to share with you the schoolmaster's reply - it could cause paroxysms of mirth. Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost! a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster. Will and Guy believe the lady fainted on receipt of the letter and cancelled her holiday to India immediately.Lavatory With No View Goes
for $250,000
In London England, house prices are dropping rapidly, but not so the public
lavatory sector. In October 2008 a loo in Fulham Broadway, London was
sold yesterday for £403,000, [$250,000] with developers claiming that it
would make a great club, school or 'bog-standard cafe'. Incidentally, this not the first time that someone has paid big money for
a public convenience. In 2007 a one-storey lavatory in the St Andrews,
Scotland fetched £195,000, [$125,000] these loos are selling for three
times more than the guide price.A Romantic Moment?
It was Valentine’s Day. Diana was feeling romantic but her husband, Harvey, was away from home at a business conference, so she sent him a text message: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!" Harvey, a typical down-to-earth, non -romantic male, replied, "I am on the toilet. Please advise."Stuck In a Superloo

Only The Best Toilet Humour
Byron, a young man visited his sister who was married to a farmer in a poor district of the country. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep in the same room as his young nephew, Petey. When Byron came into the bedroom, he saw the little boy kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the Petey's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and knelt at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Petey looked up and said, 'Whatcha doin'?' 'Why, the same thing you're doing,' replied the uncle Byron. 'Ma's gonna be mad,' said Petey. 'The pot's on this side.' Advice from Children
- Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, 13.
- Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9.
- Don't squat with your spurs on. - Elisabeth, 12.
- See more funny advice from children.
Toilet Humour at Christmas
Sometimes what happens on Santa's lap, should stay on Santa's lap. Unfortunately, parents won't always let that happen One little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, was telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas when something unfortunate happened. 'Santa, I farted,' the boy whispered. 'I know, it's OK,' Santa said to him. Unfortunately, the boy's mother was listening in on the conversation because she wanted to know what her son wanted. But since the boy whispered that part, she had to ask the question out loud. 'What? What did he say he wanted for Christmas?' she asked. The little boy chimed back as loud as he could, 'No mother, I farted!' Mum immediately began looking for a crack in the floor to crawl in. See more on Santa and children.No Pee Sign
Nick Seddon was tired with thoughtless youths urinating in an alleyway
near his estate agency business. So Nick ordered a sign from Japan and
has fixed it to a wall of the passageway in Fore Street, in the centre of
Tiverton, Devon. Nick Seddon said: "I went online and saw these signs that are used in
Tokyo. I thought they were appropriate, so I got a couple made. I can't say
I have noticed anybody have a pee there since." Sergeant Paul Roberts, of Tiverton, said urinating in public was an act
of indecency. "Now that we are aware there is an issue, it will be an area
we will look at and patrol more often," he said. Will and Guy hope this sign cures the problem.Stolen Urinal Returned to Pub
A man who was caught on CCTV carrying a urinal out a pub in Hampshire has given himself up to police.
A Bride Marries in a Dress Made Out of Toilet Rolls

Toilet Humour - Myths
Thomas Crapper The name of Thomas Crapper appears in any review of toilet myths. In a
nutshell there really was a man of that name; he was a plumber cum toilet
maker. Furthermore, many of his water closets survive to this today,
no doubt to rekindle a new bout of toilet humour. Where the embellishment arises is when people want to credit Crapper with
inventing the toilet. It was probably invented at least 100 years
before he created his porcelain masterpieces. Manure "S.H.I.T" In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship
and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large
shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when
wet, but once water [at sea] hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the
process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of
course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what
could [and did] happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came
below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in
this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the
instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to
stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the
hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of
methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T", [Stow High In Transit] which has come
down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. Footnote:
Sadly, this explaination, while plausible, is
in fact one of the early internet myths circa 1998. We thank Maggie
Nutt for this toilet story. Sound Princess in Japan

Remember That Crazy Japanese Toilet?

Toto Washlet - Not So Crazy Japanese Toilet
Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction. Kunio Harimoto sells Japan's all-singing, all-dancing latrines around the world. He says, foreigners are right to identify the Toto Washlet toilet as representative of the country, but they pick on entirely the wrong aspects. The Washlet is not the Japan of pointless whimsy and hygiene obsession but the Japan of green politics, emerging-market exposure and global ambition. With heated seat and self-raising lid. Toto's progress has been significant. With each generation of Washlet, Toto has enhanced the flushing mechanism so that each use requires less water. In the 1980s, the average flush used 20 litres. A top-of-the-line "twin tornado" Washlet will perform the same task in 2010 with 3.8 litres. In countries such as China and India - fast growing, but with almighty water-supply issues - this is flush technology with a political angle.
- Automated proximity lid opener with optional music function that plays your favourite tunes for the duration of your visit.
- Self-illuminating bowl for night-time toilet visits, including flush sound suppression technology.
- Hands-free automatic flush with built-in air purifier and self-cleaning water jet.
- Remote-controlled bottom-washing nozzle for "oscillating and pulsating" comfort, remote-controlled bottom dryer.
- Adjustable temperature seat warmer.
Snappy Urinals - The Last Word in Funny Toilet Humour
