Funny Shaggy Dog Stories

A shaggy dog story conjures up different thoughts for different people; on
this page Will and Guy’s concentrate on the humorous side of shaggy dog
stories.  This is our collection of funny yarns and amusing picture
featuring our canine friends.

• Classic Shaggy
  Dog Story from Nottingham, England
• True Shaggy Dog
  Story from Australia
• A Shaggy Dog
  Story from the Atlanta Daily
• Funny Shaggy Dog Joke
  from New York
• Dog Ice-cream
• Which Dogs
  Are the Cleverest?
• More Funny Yet
  True Shaggy Dog Stories

After Cat Fish – We Bring You Dog Fish!

Classic Shaggy Dog Story
from Nottingham, England

The RSPCA is looking for dog-lovers to tame abandoned mutts by reading to
them.  Ella Herring who works at the Nottingham dog shelter said, ‘Some
people might feel uncomfortable reading big novels to dogs so they might
prefer a story book’.

True Shaggy Dog Story
from Australia

In 2000 a terrier-cross called Muffy disappeared from Chloe Lampard’s
house in Brisbane Australia.  While the Lampard’s got on with their
life, even getting a new dog – a Rottweiler called Jack whom sadly yet
coincidentally died a few months ago – Muffy was embarking on an epic voyage
south down Australia’s east coast.

Amazingly, nine years later the dog was found
over 1,250 miles away in Melbourne. Two pieces of luck combined to reunite Muffy with her owner Chloe.
Firstly, a big thank you to a good Samaritan who found Muffy sleeping on a
cardboard box and tipped of the RSPCA.  Secondly, Mr Lampard had the
foresight to insert a microchip into Muffy this meant that the RSPCA could
trace the owner.

“I’m sure she’s been through some incredible adventures over the years,”
said Ms Coulter of the RSPCA. “If only she could talk, she’d have a great
story to tell.”

A marvellous end to a heart-warming tale think Will and Guy.

A Shaggy Dog Story from the Atlanta Daily

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your
pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front
door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (404) 874-7421 and ask for
Petra.

Over 10,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society
about an 6-week old black Labrador puppy.

Men are so easy….

Funny Shaggy Dog Joke
from New York

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he
sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.  He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s
life.

A policeman who was watching the scene
walks over and says, ‘You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, ‘Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl’.

The man says, ‘But I am not a New Yorker!’

‘Oh ,then it will
say in newspapers in the morning, “Brave American saves life of little girl”,’ the policeman answers.

‘But I am not an American!’
says the man.

‘Oh, what are you then?’

‘The man says: – ‘I
am a Saudi!’

The next day the newspapers says, ‘Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.’

Dog Ice-cream

Will and Guy thought that ice-cream for dogs was just another shaggy dog
story; we should have known better, there are numerous real products for
this growing market.  Indeed, this is another example of role reversal
where the pets control their owners!

Ice Cream Van Opens in London ……. For dogs

An ice cream van for pampered pooches is opening in London, with bizarre
icy flavours including gammon and chicken. Scientists created the ice cream
treats to be ideal for doggy tastes by finding the perfect combination of
temperature, texture and taste for them Will and Guy can reveal.

See more about ice cream for dogs – Is it
true or false?

World’s Oldest Dog Turns 26

Max, the world’s most amazing pooch has celebrated his 26th birthday.

Max, (picture to the right), has a veterinary birth certificate to prove
his age and is awaiting official confirmation from Guinness World Records.
In dog years the terrier-cross is 182, the equivalent of being born in 1827
which Will and Guy find absolutely amazing. He lives in Louisiana, USA.

Max is still in fine health and only suffers from mild arthritis and some
cataracts. Janelle and Billy, his owners, bought Max from a local sugar cane
farmer in 1983.

‘He was the only one in the litter that was brown and I liked the colour
so I took him home,’ Janelle informed this site.

Dogs as Intelligent as Two-year-old Children Claims Professor

My IQ is bigger than yours.  A shaggy dog story put about by
collies?  No; border collies such as Sampson have their claims to
superior intelligence backed up by  Professor Coren’s research.
Here is a picture of Sampson, winner of Britain’s Most Talented Pet:

Researchers have found that dogs are capable of understanding up to 250
words and gestures, can count up to five and can perform simple mathematical
calculations. Using tests originally designed to demonstrate the development
of language, pre-language and basic arithmetic in human children, the
researchers were able to show that the average dog is far more intelligent
than they are given credit for.

‘The average dog is about as bright linguistically as a human
two-year-old,’ said Professor Stanley Coren, a leading expert on canine
intelligence at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver who has
carried out the work.

Classic Shaggy Dog Story – No Dogs Involved!

Take a good look at this man’s mug shot then read the paragraph underneath.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless man (see above) who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy
some beer with it instead of dinner?’
No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ‘the homeless man replied.

‘Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?’
the man asked.’
No, I don’t
waste time
fishing, ‘the homeless man said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?’
the man asked.  ‘Are you NUTS!’
replied the
homeless man. ‘I haven’t played golf in 20 years!’

‘Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?’
the man asked.’
What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?’
exclaimed the homeless man.

‘Well, ‘said the man, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.’
The homeless man was astounded.’
Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

The man replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and
women.’

A Clever, Funny, Shaggy Doggy Wedding Story

Once upon a time, Clara and Jenny were talking when Clara asks Jenny how
many times she’s been married, and the reply was 4.

‘Four times!’ exclaims Clara, ‘why so many?’

So Jenny replies, ‘Well, I first got married when I was very young, and I
married this wonderful man who was a banker.  However, one day just a
few weeks after we were married, his bank was robbed and he was shot and
killed.’

‘Oh my word, that’s terrible,’ Clara said.

‘Well, it wasn’t that tragic. Soon after that, I started seeing another
man who performed in the circus.  He was really a great guy, but he
lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a
net. Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and
suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was
killed.’

‘Your second husband was killed too? That’s horrible.’

‘Yes, it was terrible, but at the funeral I fell in love with the
minister and we got married soon after that.  Unfortunately, one Sunday
while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed.’

‘Three? Three husbands of yours were killed?  How could you live
through all that?’

‘It was pretty tough, but then I met my present husband. And he’s a
wonderful man. I think we’ll live a long happy life together.’

‘And what does your present husband do for a living?’ Clara enquires.

‘He’s a mortician,’ responds Jenny.

‘A mortician? I don’t understand something here.  First you marry a
banker, then a circus performer, then a minister, and now a mortician?
Can you explain such a diverse grouping of husbands?’

‘Well, if you think about it it’s not too hard to
understand……….Well it’s

One for the money…
Two for the show…
Three to get ready…
And four to go ……..

Which Dogs Are
the Cleverest Ask Will and Guy?

The researchers have also compiled a list of the most intelligent and
least intelligent breeds using information from obedience classes:

Ten most intelligent breeds

1. Border Collie
2. Poodle
3. German Shepherd
4. Golden Retriever
5. Doberman Pinscher
6. Shetland Sheepdog
7. Labrador Retriever
8. Papillon
9. Rottweiler
10. Australian Cattle Dog

Least intelligent breeds

1. Afghan Hound
2. Basenji
3. Bulldog
4. Chow Chow
5. Borzoi
6. Bloodhound
7. Pekinese
8. Beagle
9. Mastiff
10. Basset Hound

Will and Guy admit to being unsure of the accuracy of these assertions.
Guy had a dog when he was a child and Will has only experience of cats. You
may have your own thought about the lists, please send them to us.

Ten Witty Shaggy Dog Quotations that We Like

1. Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; inside of a
   dog, it’s too dark to read. Groucho Marx
2. No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as
   the dog does. Christopher Morley
3. When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
   Edward Abbey
4. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
   that’s how dogs spend their lives. Sue Murphy
5. If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where
   they went. Will Rogers
6. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
   Andrew A. Rooney
7. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird
   religious cult. Rita Rudner
8. I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the
   guts to bite people themselves. August Strindberg
9. If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I
   have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. James
   Thurber
10. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not
    bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.  Mark
    Twain

Two More Funny Yet True
Shaggy Dog Stories

Shaggy dog stories are often rambling tales with unnecessary detail
culminating in a cringing punch-line.  We prefer these crisp, funny
true tales of canine adventure.

1. Dog and Otter Become Unlikely Best Friends

In one of the strangest relationships in the animal kingdom, a pair of
dogs and an otter have become best friends after the otter was hit by a car
in Pine Harbour, USA. Enjoying rough and tumble in these heart-warming
picture, the trio became inseparable after the little black otter, known as,
believe it or not, Ottie, was hit by a car. The wounded 18-month old male
was taken to the Sanctuary on the Sapelo in Pine Harbour, Georgia, USA; a
wildlife sanctuary caring for injured animals, where he made a full
recovery.

During his rehabilitation, which took several weeks, he became friends
with Donor, an 11-month-old female bloodhound and Chelsea, a 13-month-old
female Golden Retriever. Both dogs are residents at the independent wildlife
reserve, where the animals forged their unusual friendship.

2. Dog Who Believes he is a Cat

Chippy, a dog who developed an identity crisis after sharing a home with
40 cats, is being offered for adoption by the Cats Protection League as an
“honorary” feline.

Vets believe that Chippy, a Jack Russell terrier, is aged between 13 and
15 years old and that he never learned how to be a dog after spending his
life around cats, the charity in Stroud, Gloucestershire, England, believes.
Will and Guy have been informed that he sleeps beside his best friend, a
black female cat called Annie, and uses the litter tray. He also rarely
barks. Apparently, Annie is extremely protective towards Chippy. He now eats
dog food but carers are unsure what he ate prior to this.

In looking for a home in which to place Chippy, we have been told a quiet
abode is being sought because of Chippy’s age.

3. Squirrel Who Thinks He Is A Cat

Tita the Cat Adopts a Baby Squirrel

A baby squirrel has been adopted by a cat and become best friends with
her kitten. The unlikely pals cuddle up together with “mum”, Tita in
Envigado, near Medellin, Colombia.

The two baby animals suckle on Tita’s
milk, scamper about the house and even share a cuddle from time to time.

The squirrel was rescued by Ruben Gaviria who found him injured in a local
park. He has been nursing the little rodent back to health with the help of
his feline companions.

Further photos of Tita

Footnote:
Please send us your funny shaggy dog story.