Funny No Swimming Signs

Will and Guy have
a diverse collection of funny 'No Swimming' signs.  We also have
funny notices relating to animals.

• Funny No Swimming Signs
• We Have
  the 'Hat Trick' No Swimming, Bikes or Dogs
• Classic No Signs Allowed
• Funny Animal No Feeding
  Signs
• No Gorillas?
• If All Else
  Fails the Animals Eat the Sign!
• Warning! Alligators Can
  be Dangerous!

Swimming Notice - No Smoking Underwater!

Funny 'No Swimming' Signs

Which of this pair is the more ridiculous!

We Have
the 'Hat Trick' No Swimming, Bikes or Dogs

No Swimming - One for the Ducks

A Maritime Variation on the Funny No Parking Sign

No Spitting!  A Long Time Before You Could Launch That Boat!

Classic No Signs Allowed

No Swimming - Crocodiles

No Feeding What?

'No' Signs Featuring Other Animals

Will and Guy hope that amongst these 'No xyz permitted' there is something
for everyone.

Funny Animal No Feeding Signs

Don't Feed Fingers To The Animals
(How about toes?)

Keep Swimming: An Optimist's View

Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl. One was an optimistic soul.
But
the other took the gloomy view.
'We'll drown,' he lamented without much
ado,
and with a last despairing cry,
he flung up his legs and said
'Goodbye.'

Quote the other frog with a steadfast grin,
'I can't get out but I
won't give in,
I'll just swim around till my strength is spent,
then
I'll die the more content.'
Bravely he swam to work his scheme,
and
his struggles began to churn the cream.

The more he swam, his legs a flutter,
the more the cream turned into
butter.
On top of the butter at last he stopped,
and out of the bowl
he gaily hopped.

What is the moral?

It's easily found........If you
can't hop out, keep swimming around.

Author Unknown

Worst of the No Swimming Signs

If you see someone DROWNING lol.

Will and Guy think someone should think again about this sign.
Clearly laughing out loud (lol) is not appropriate here.

Warning! Alligators Can be Dangerous!

Feeding or Molesting Alligators is Prohibited .... as if you needed telling!

Swimming with Gators

Charlie, the Chief executive officer of Norton Group, throws a party and
takes the partygoers on a tour of his opulent mansion. At the rear of the
property, Charlie has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.

The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators.

Charlie speaks to his juniors, 'I think an executive should be measured
by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of
you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those
alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything
they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!'

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow Charlie on
the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns
around and sees Ben, the DF [Director of Finance] in the pool, swimming for
his life. Ben dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge
of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge
alligator snaps at his shoes.

Flabbergasted, Charlie approaches Ben and splutters, 'You are amazing.
I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure
and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.'

Ben, exhausted and panting for breath, looks up and says, 'You can tell
me who the hell pushed me in the pool!'

No Gorillas?

Please no smoking, food, drink, or gorillas?  What is permitted here?

A Funny Gorilla Joke

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer
eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the
jungle?' and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked
off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The
gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh,
you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is
the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the
gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay,
there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

Swimming With Lions

Zoologist keen to cool off in the recent South African heat was joined by
an unlikely swimming partner: a giant lioness.

Zoologist, Kevin Richardson, swims with Meg the lion in the Crocodile
River just south of the Magaliesburg mountains, close to Johannesburg in
South Africa.

Animal behaviourist Kevin Richardson raises and interacts some of the
most dangerous animals known to man. Using unusual methods, he has developed
some exceptionally personal bonds with his students, playing, sleeping and
even swimming with animals. Taking a well deserved swim in the Crocodile
River, just south of the Magaliesburg mountains, Mr Richardson, 34, was
joined by Meg the lioness. Weighing a staggering 185 kg this boisterous
tawny lioness playfully splashed around with the experienced behaviourist.

Footnote:
Please send us your funny 'No Swimming'
signs.