Lose weight and have a laugh.
- Will's Funny Fitness Workout
- An Effective Workout
- Amusing and Funny Fitness Tales and Jokes
- A Diet is a Weigh of Life
- Funny Diet Quotes
- When you know it's time to diet
- 10. He insists a bag of Doritos is necessary for doing crunches.
- 9. After you explain your fitness goals, exclaims, "Oh, you meant physical fitness!"
- 8.Has designed a special resistance machine to train your "love muscle."
- 7. His business card states he works for "Belly Total Fatness," and those aren't typos.
- 6. He can't seem to compliment your progress without adding "...for a fat guy."
- 5. Occasionally says something like, "What do you say we cut this set short and you help me polish off this box of jelly-filleds?"
- 4. His stamina training involves you jogging to the package store and toting back a case of Bud Light.
- 3. Uses a McDonald's cheeseburger wrapper as a bookmark in the training manual.
- 2. Makes a beeping noise like a truck backing up every time you walk across the room.
- 1. Has a workout regimen that involves you pushing him and his out-of-gas car around town so he can run errands.
Ten Excellent and Funny Thoughts About Walking
- Walking 20 minutes can add hours to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $8000 per month.
- My grandfather started walking five miles a day when he was 60.........................Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
- I joined a health club last year, spent about 450 dollars. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
- Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
- I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a very small country.
- I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years....................just getting over the hill.
- Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a "Happy Hour" and by the time I leave, I think I look just fine.
You realise how your body has changed when your children look through your wedding photos and want to know who mum's first husband was.
A Hilarious and Funny Story About JoggersPaula had been driving all night and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost ten o'clock in the morning and she was extremely fatigued. After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull into a lay-by and rest. Paula switched off the engine and closed her eyes and drifted off, gratefully, to sleep. As she did an old man in a bright yellow jogging tracksuit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death. 'Sorry to wake you, ma'am,' he huffed, jogging on the spot, 'But can you tell me what time it is?' Paula glanced at her watch. '10:00,' she answered through the window. The old man thanked her, then left. 'Just my luck,' she muttered. 'I'm parked on someone's jogging route.' With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried again to fall asleep. Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been so dead tired, she may have found them attractive. Now, they were just annoying. 'Hi,' said the first. 'Do you have the time?' his fair-haired friend asked. Paula let out a big sigh and said, looking at her watch. '10:08.' 'Thanks,' they smiled as they jogged off. Paula looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Now irritated, she found a pen from the glove box and scrawled: 'I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME' on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep. Soon a thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she had started dozing off. Paula pointed at the sign and shouted, 'For goodness sake, can't you read?' To which he replied, 'Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's 10:15.'
- It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
- The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
- The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
- An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping ... snacks and dessert.
- See more about 'Diet a Weigh of Life'
Some Thought Provoking Quotes: Funny Diet Quotes
- Oh! that this too solid flesh would melt. William Shakespeare
- Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Alexander Woollcott
- Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a 90 ft Redwood. Erma Bombeck
- All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. John Gunther
- Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. Voltaire
- Food is an important part of a balanced diet. Fran Lebowitz
- We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. Epicurus
- The more you eat, the less flavour; the less you eat, the more flavour. Chinese Proverb
- Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis
- Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. Polish Proverb
- See more funny quotes.