Funny Chinese Jokes

Here is Will and Guy’s collection of short Chinese jokes to reflect the humour of this ancient culture.

• Chinese Jokes and Funny Stories
• Chinese Humour, Parables and Tall Stories
• Traditional Chinese Sense of Humour
• More Funny Chinese Jokes and Amusing Pictures
• How Many Faces Are There in This Chinese Tree?
• Chinese New Year Stories
  
• Chinese Short Stories
• More Chinese Short Jokes
• Chinese New Year 2015 February 19th in

Never Judge By Appearance: A Salutary Chinese Tale

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American
delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to
the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, ‘Likee soupee?’
The
Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was ‘Likee
fishee?’ and ‘Likee meatee?’ and ‘Likee fruitee?’ and always the
response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced
the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman
who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much
to the astonishment of his American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and
with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, ‘Likee speechee?’

The Story of Chen and The Cakes

Chen was extremely hungry, so he left work and went to a local snack
bar where he bought a cake.  When Chen had eaten the cake, he found
that he was still famished, and so he ate a second one.

Even then he was not full up and promptly ate six cakes in
succession, but he hadn’t satisfied his hunger.  Not until Chen had eaten
the seventh cake did he feel satisfied.

Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret. ‘Ah, if I had known this
before, I would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have
been enough and there would not have been any need to eat those six
others.’

Huang Fu and the Bottle of Wine Parable

Huang Fu was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his
farmhand, Hop. Huang Fu gave Hop a bottle and said, ‘Buy me a bottle of
wine.’

Hop, the poor farmhand enquired, ‘How can I buy you wine with no
money at all?’
Huang Fu replied disdainfully, ‘Anyone can buy wine
with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money.’

Time elapsed and Hop eventually returned farmhand returned with the
empty bottle. He handed the bottle to Huang Fu and murmured, ‘Enjoy the
wine, please.’

Staring at the empty bottle with some dismay, Huang asked, ‘There is
no wine, how can I enjoy this?’

Hop replied to Huang Fu, with a straight face, ‘Anyone can enjoy wine
if there is some.  It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is
none.’

Huang Fu made a choking sound but was unable to utter a word.

More Chinese Jokes

Lok and the Pair of Shoes Saga

Lok owned two pairs of boots, one with thick soles and the other with
thin soles.

He climbed out of bed one morning and he made the
mistake of putting one of each of the boots on, which made walking very
uncomfortable. ‘How strange! How is it that my legs aren’t the same
length today?’ Lok asked himself in surprise.

A friend passing by told him, ‘Oy, Lok, your boots aren’t a pair.’

Hearing this Lok hurried home to change his boots.  However, when
he got home and saw the other boots, Lok thought for a moment and said
to himself, ‘There’s no need to change.  These other two are not a
pair either. One is thick and the other thin.’

Shanyuan and the Lie or Always Tell the Truth

Park was a rogue, a charlatan and a rascal, but he a hard life and
barely managed to keep body and soul together. He often was close to
starving. So one day Park happened to pass a household that was holding
the funeral of one of its family members.

Quickly, Park slipped into
the house and cried bitterly in front of the memorial tablet of the
dead. Nobody knew him, so, surprised, people asked him why he cried.

‘I was best friends with the dead. We hadn’t seen each other for
months. Now he has passed away, how could I not feel sad? Since I just
happened to be passing, I wasn’t prepared for this. All I can do now is
to cry for my best friend, which is an expression of our friendship.’

The
family was deeply moved  by Park’s comments and promptly asked him to
stay to dinner.  On his way home Park met an old friend, Shanyuan,
whose life was equally precarious.  ‘Where did you manage to eat and
drink today?’ Shanyuan asked the roguish Park, who told him the story
from beginning to end.

The next day Shanyuan also found a family
that was holding a funeral and cried likewise.  When they asked him the
reason, he replied that he was a best friend of the dead.  Before he had
finished, however, Shanyuan received a storm of punches and kicks.

It transpired that the deceased of the family was a young housewife.

Chinese Humour, Parables and Tall Stories

10 of the Best Chinese Proverbs

1. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
2. A life with love is happy; a life for love is foolish.
3. War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.
4. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a
   song.
5. Three humble shoemakers brainstorming make a great statesman.
6. Visiting monks give better sermons.
7. He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains
   a fool forever.
8. An ambitious horse will never return to its old stable.
9. A conversation with a wise person is worth of ten years’ study
   of books.
10. Chinese ‘Cracked Pot’ Parable

Chinese Restaurants are Always
Good for a Laugh

How much does a Chinese restaurant weigh? ………… Won Ton

More Funny Chinese Jokes and Amusing Pictures

It’s a Dog’s Life

One evening, Bill and Jackson’s wives decided to dine out a new Chinese
Restaurant.  Jackson’s wife Julie was inseparable from her Pekingese dog
called ‘Pepe’.  So Took took Pepe along with them to the restaurant.
Whenever they went to their usual restaurant the manager’s wife looked after
Pepe while they ate, and they thought it would be no different this new
restaurant.

Julie and her friend Rachel, gave Pepe to the owner and went to their seats.
They ordered their meal, had a few drinks and eventually their meal arrived.
They were mortified when it turned out to be their beloved Pepe surrounded by
Chop Suey.

As the owner explained the next day to Bill and Jackson, they thought that
Julie and Rachel wanted the chef to cook the dog, not look after it while the
women dined.

Funny Signs in a Chinese Lift

Traditional Sense of Humour
– More Chinese Yarns

Prime Minister Chang was happy enough to write, but he didn’t put in a lot of
care into his brush strokes. Everybody sneered at his bad handwriting, and the
Prime Minister himself really didn’t care.

One day Chang thought of a beautiful sentence and at once wielded his writing
brush to write it down, indeed, there were dragons flying and snakes dancing all
over the paper. Then he ordered his secretary to write it out neatly.

When beginning to copy, his secretary stared tongue-tied and did not know
where to start. The young man had to take the manuscript back to the Prime
Minister.

‘Prime Minister Chang, I can’t read your handwriting, please tell me what
words they are.’

The Prime Minister read his cursive hand a long time, and did not know what
Chinese characters they were, either. He then turned to blame his secretary.
‘Why didn’t you come earlier to ask me? I myself have forgotten the words which
I’ve written.’

20 Number 6
– Classic Chinese English Joke

It was Chinese New Year.  Bill and Jackson had just staggered back home
from a hard night’s drinking when they noticed that a menu from the new
restaurant next door had come through the letter box.  On a whim they decided to celebrate the Chinese New Year with a take-away.
Jackson, was just off out of the door to fetch their meal when Bill turned to
him and said, ‘Please get me 20 number 6 while you’re at the take-away.

Jackson returned with their chicken Chou Mein, sweet and sour pork and 20 portions of egg
fried rice.  Bill said, ‘Where’s me cigs’. Jackson said, ‘What cigarettes,
you asked for 20 number 6 and that’s what you’ve got, enough egg fried rice to
feed a Chinese Junk from Shanghai to Hong Kong’.

Bill said, ‘When I was last in England Embassy No 6 was a packet of cigs.’

How To Speak Chinese Funny

• I thought you were on a diet……………… Wai Yu Mun Ching?
• This is a tow-away zone…………………… No Pah King
• Our meeting is scheduled for next week…. Wai Yu Kam Nao?
• Staying out of sight………………………… Lei Ying Lo
• See more funny Chinese
  speak

Footnote
Please send us your funny Chinese New
Year jokes.