Clean Men Jokes and Stories | Funny Man Pictures


Clean Men Jokes

Blore's Razor: - Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is the funnier.

Jokes About Men

Funny Stories - Wash it Again

My mother had decided to trim the household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, 'Just think, Ivor, we are five pounds richer because I washed this dress by hand.'

'Good', my dad quickly replied. 'Wash it again.'

Fond Farewell for Father and Son

Clean Men Jokes

During the second Gulf War, Ben Ford was returning to active service.  As he was saying good-bye to his wife, his four-year-old son, Gerry, was holding on to his father's leg and pleading with him not to go away. 'No, Daddy, please don't go!' Gerry kept repeating.

They were beginning to make a scene when Yvonne, Ben's wife, desperate to calm her son, said, 'Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a
pizza, Gerry.'

At once, Gerry loosened his tight grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, 'Bye, Daddy.'

More Clean Men Jokes

Men Are Like..............

............. Men Are Like Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
............. Men Are Like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
............. Men Are Like Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
............. Men Are Like Government Bonds. They take way too long to mature.
............. Men Are Like Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
............. Men Are Like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
............. Men Are Like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
............. Men Are Like Weather. Nothing can be done to change either.

Gravely Funny Story

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?'

The first man approached him and said, 'Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've
ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?  A child?  A parent?'

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied........ 'My wife's first husband.'

Sale of a Wife

Sale of a Wife

A full and particular account of the sale of a woman named Mary
Mackintosh which took place on Wednesday Evening the 16th of July, 1828,
in the Grass Market of Edinburgh, accused by her husband of being a
notorious drunk.  With particulars of the bloody battle which took
place afterwards.


Wife for Sale

Men, Cars and Humour

Who's the Clever one?

A traffic policeman stops Maggie and asks to see her driving licence.

'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.'
'Well, Officer,' explains Maggie, 'I have contacts.'

'Lady, I don't care who you know, you're still going to get a ticket.'

Keep on Trucking

'Hello, this is Dave. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil.' [in the background there are noises - a drawer opens and there is shuffling around.]

'Right, what would you like me to tell me?'

Moira, young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was working in her husband's trucking line office.  She answered a phone call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal.

After a short conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. 'I just know you are small, blonde with blue eyes,' he said.

'No,' Moira replied, 'I'm tall, brunette and have brown eyes.'

'Close enough!' said the trucker.

Girls Can Also Have.....

Men are like....

The Perfect Woman

The Perfect Woman

Sound Advice
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Old Gentleman or Newborn Baby?

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, 'Earl, I'm 81 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Earl replies, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

Really, how are you like a newborn baby?'

'Well, I have no hair, no teeth, and please excuse me, I am too much of a gentleman to mention my other problem.'

See more gentlemen jokes ».

Will and Guy's Philosophy on Jokes About Men

Collecting 'Clean Men Jokes' is not easy.  In addition to avoiding smutty humour we also have to combat objections from the 'sexist' camp.
We have stuck with our simple philosophy of collecting a mixture of funny, yet clean jokes, mixed in with thought provoking pictures and the odd story.