- Christmas Tale from the Inn At Bethlehem
- Funny Religious Jokes from Christmas Crackers
- More Religious Christmas Jokes
- The Meaning of 12 Days of Christmas
Another Christmas Nativity JokePlace: The Middle School nativity play. Scene: The Inn at Bethlehem on Christmas Eve. Joseph: Do you have any room at the inn? Inn Keeper: (Over-playing his role) Yes, plenty, come on in. Joseph: [Jaw drops, speechless]
Footnote: In the nativity play, the inn keeper is supposed to say 'There is no room in the inn', and this is how the baby Jesus came to be born in a stable.
Father John and His Young ParishionerIt was the Sunday after Christmas at St Peter and Saint Paul's Church in Borden, Kent, England. Father John was looking at the nativity scene prior to packing away the figures when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the scene. Immediately, Father John turned towards the vicarage in order to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Harry with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Father John walked up to Harry and said, 'Well, Harry, where did you get the little infant?' Harry replied honestly, 'I took him from the church, Father John.' 'And why did you take him?' With a sheepish smile, Harry said, 'Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.' Footnote: This funny religious joke is an ideal yarn to spin at any Christmas party.
- Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson because he brought the house down.
- Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice.
- Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Remember the Christmas cleaning of the Parish Hall this Saturday We need lots volunteers to join the work crew. There is a long list of items to be cleaned. The widows will need extra attention.
A Tree for ChristmasAdmiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbour's windows, Nathan asks his father, 'Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?' 'What? No, of course not.' says his father. 'Why not?' asks Nathan again. Bewildered, his father replies, 'Well, Nathan, because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness.' See more Hanukkah jokes.
Remarkable ServiceYoung Eddie was spending Christmas with his grand parents. On Christmas morning the family went to church. While they were waiting to go in Eddie checked all the announcements, and pictures along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby verger, 'Who are all those men in the pictures?' The verger replied, 'Why, those are our boys who died in the service'. Dumbfounded, the Jonathan asked, 'Was that the carol service or the Christmas Day service?'
Out Of The Mouths.... Special PrayerJust after Christmas Father Michael, was walking along the pavement in front of his church when he heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. Rory, the minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
Charity Begins at ChristmasAfter the Advent church service, eight year old Lee said to the preacher: 'When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money.' 'Well, thank you, 'the preacher replied, 'but why?' 'Because my father says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had.'
Christmas EvangelistA man says to evangelist lady who is preaching in the street just before Christmas: "I know what YOU are! You're a 'happy clapper'". "Oh no I'm not!" she said. "I'm a Walkie Talkie!"
Check out Kwanzaa, the fastest growing festival.
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, 'What is this, a joke?'
- The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked 'Am I my brother's son?'
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the 'Magna Carta'.
- One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan
- Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
- Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
- In my maths class I told the kids that we were going to investigate Even and Odd. One boy blurted out, 'I know that Bible story!' When I stopped laughing I said, 'I think you mean Adam and Eve.'
- The 'Blood of Christ' would be switched from red wine to beer in a keg.
- The Last Supper would have cold leftovers for the next morning.
- The Ten Commandments would be only five, double-spaced, and written in large font.
- A New edition would be written every two years in order to limit reselling.
- The Forbidden Fruit would have been eaten not because it was forbidden but because it wasn't dorm food.
- Paul's Letter to the Romans would be Paul's E-Mail addressed to [email protected]
- The reason Cain killed Abel would be because they were roommates.
- The place where the end of the world occurs would be Finals, not Armageddon.
- Instead of mules, the preferred mode of transportation would be mountain bikes.
- The reason why Moses and his followers walked in the desert for 40 years would be because they didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
- The Tower of Babel would be blamed for the Foreign Language requirement.
- Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
- The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
- Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
- Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
- The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
- The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
- The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
- Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
- The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
- Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
- The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
- The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
- The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.