Presidents Day Jokes
Mount Rushmore

The third Monday in February is when America celebrates Presidents’ Day.

‘This telephone is an amazing invention but who would want to use one of them?’  American President, Rutherford Hayes 1876.

Amusing President Jokes

  • ‘I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting’.Ronald Reagan
  • Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: ‘Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed’.’OH NO!’ President Bush exclaims. ‘That’s terrible!’ His staff are stunned at this display of emotion, they watch nervously as the President sits, head in hand. Finally, the President looks up and asks, ‘How many is a brazillion?’
  • Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Meet the President: A True Funny Tale

When Will Rogers was being taken to the White House to meet President Calvin Coolidge, Vice President Dawes cautioned him not to try to be funny because the President had no sense of humor whatsoever.

Undaunted, Rogers bet Dawes that he could have Coolidge laughing within 20 seconds.

When the formal introduction was made, Dawes began by saying, ‘Mr. President, may I introduce my friend, Mr Will Rogers.’

Rogers held out his hand with a questioning look and said, ‘Pardon me, I didn’t quite get the name.’

Coolidge roared with laughter, and Rogers won the wager.

More Presidents’ Day Jokes – Thanks To George W. Bush

George Bush Cartoon
  • Rarely is the question asked: are our children learning?
  • They misunderstood me.
  • I think war is a dangerous place.
  • We must focus on building an Iran that is capable of resisting Iranian influence.
  • The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the – the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.
  • You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
  • I understand small business growth. I was one.
  • Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs [Obstetrician/Gynaecologist] aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.
  • Will the highways on the internet become more few?
  • Information is moving. You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internet.
  • I know human beings and fish can coexist peacefully.
  • That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three – three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?
  • All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone.
  • I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.

Will and Guy would like to thank the Guardian newspaper and BBC online for help in compiling this list of funny Bush moments.

One More President Joke

‘You should be ashamed,’ the father told his son, Andy, ‘When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.’

‘Really?’ Andy responded. ‘Well, when he was your age, he was president.’

President’s an Idiot – Official Label

Idiot label

Presidents Day

Presidents Day was formerly known as Washington Day.  The observance of Presidents’ Day on the Third Monday of February is reminiscent of the Indian fable of the 6 blind men and the elephant in the sense that the holiday seems to mean something different to everybody you meet.

How the Reagan Administration Changed a Light Bulb

How many members of the Reagan administration did it take to change a light

  1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
  2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
  3. One to blame President Carter for burning out the light bulb;
  4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
  5. One to give a billion-dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
  6. One to arrange a photograph of the president, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb. Change Accomplished;
  7. One administration insider resigned and wrote a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
  8. One to viciously smear #7;
  9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how President Reagan has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
  10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Librarians Uncover A Surprising Book Thief: George Washington

  • The first president of the United States of America borrowed two books from the New York Society Library in 1789 but failed to return them.
  • Adjusted for inflation, he has since racked up $300,000 [£195,000] in fines for being some 220 years late.
  • The New York Society Library says it will not pursue the fine. It would simply like the books back.
  • On 5 October 1789, the first president borrowed two books from what was then the only library in Manhattan – “Law of Nations,” a dissertation on international relations, and a volume of debate transcripts from Britain’s House of Commons.
  • George Washington did not even bother to sign his name in the borrower’s ledger. An aide simply scrawled “president” next to the title to show who had taken them out.
  • The two tomes were due back a month later but were never returned and have been accruing late fees ever since. Librarians uncovered the misdemeanor as they were digitizing the library’s ledger from that time.

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