'I have left orders to be awakened at any
time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting'.Ronald Reagan
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
by saying: 'Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed'.'OH NO!'
President Bush exclaims. 'That's terrible!' His staff are stunned at this
display of emotion, they watch nervously as the President sits, head in
hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, 'How many is a brazillion?'
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?
Meet the President: A True Funny Tale
When Will Rogers was being taken to the White House to meet President
Calvin Coolidge, Vice President Dawes cautioned him not to try to be funny
because the President had no sense of humour whatsoever.
Undaunted, Rogers bet Dawes that he could have Coolidge laughing within
When the formal introduction was made, Dawes began by saying, 'Mr.
President, may I introduce my friend, Mr Will Rogers.'
Rogers held out his hand with a questioning look and said, 'Pardon me, I
didn't quite get the name.'
Coolidge roared with laughter, and Rogers won the wager.
Presidents' Day Jokes - Thanks To George W. Bush
Rarely is the question
asked: is our children learning?
They misunderestimated me.
I think war is a dangerous place.
must focus on building an Iran that is capable of resisting Iranian
The ambassador and
the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want
to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we
will bring them to justice.
You know, one of the
hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
understand small business growth. I was one.
Too many good docs are
getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's
[Obstetrician/Gynaecologist] aren't able to practice their love with
women all across the country.
Will the highways on the internet
become more few?
Information is moving. You know, nightly news is
one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and
through the Internets.
I know the human being and fish can coexist
That's George Washington, the first president, of
course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three - three or
four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting.
All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I
answer his phone.
I'll be long gone before some smart person ever
figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.
Will and Guy would
like to thank the Guardian newspaper and BBC online for help in
compiling this list of funny Bush moments.
One More President Joke
'You should be ashamed,' the father told his son, Andy, 'When Abraham
Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.'
'Really?' Andy responded. 'Well, when he was your age, he was president.'
President's an Idiot - Official Label
Presidents day was formerly known as Washington Day. The observance
of Presidents' Day on the Third Monday of February is reminiscent of the
Indian fable of the 6 blind men
and the elephant in the sense that the holiday seems to mean something
different to everybody you meet.
See more Special Day Today
Reagan Administration Changed a Light Bulb
How many members of the Reagan administration did it take to change a light
One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed;
One to blame President Carter for burning out the light bulb;
One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret
stockpile of light bulbs;
One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new light bulb;
One to arrange a photograph of the president, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb. Change Accomplished;
One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
One to viciously smear #7;
One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how President
has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
Librarians Uncover A Surprising Book Thief: George Washington
The first president of the United States of America borrowed two
books from the New York Society Library in 1789 but failed to return
Adjusted for inflation, he has since racked up $300,000 USD
[£195,000 GBP] in fines for being some 220 years late.
The New York Society Library says it will not pursue the fine. It
would simply like the books back.
On 5 October 1789, the first president borrowed two books from what
was then the only library in Manhattan - "Law of Nations," a
dissertation on international relations, and a volume of debate
transcripts from Britain's House of Commons.
George Washington did not even bother to sign his name in the
borrower's ledger. An aide simply scrawled "president" next to the title
to show who had taken them out.
The two tomes were due back a month later but were never returned
and have been accruing late fees ever since. Librarians uncovered the
misdemeanour as they were digitising the library's ledger from that time.
Please send us your funny Presidents' Day jokes.