Jokes for Bastille Day 14th of July


Bastille Day Humour

Will and Guy's collection of jokes to celebrate:
La Fête Nationale
(Bastille Day).


French Humour

Will and Guy have no intention of joining those people who wish to vilify
and verbally attack France and the French because of perceived slights on
the world stage. Some Americans and British seem to enjoy belittling the

This site does not support nor reflect this attitude but would seek
merely to amuse and present readers with an opportunity to smile and laugh.
In fact, Will believes the Jefferson quote [below] reflects his Francophile
position and, indeed, the feelings of many:

Thomas Jefferson [1743 - 1826] was the third President of the United
States [1801-1809]. He was also the principal author of the Declaration of
Independence [1776] famously said, 'Every man has two countries, his own and

Ten Witty, Outrageous and Light Hearted Quotations
About France

  1. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?  One.  He holds the
    bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
  2. The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed
    any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit
    outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
    stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't
    know. - P.J O'Rourke
  3. France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.  Apart from these
    drawbacks it is a fine country.  France has usually been governed by
    prostitutes." - Mark Twain
  4. I would rather have a German division in front
    of me than a French one behind me. - General George S. Patton
  5. Going to
    war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. -
    Norman Schwartzkopf
  6. We can stand here like the French, or we can do
    something about it. - Marge Simpson
  7. The only way the French are
    going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. - Dennis Miller
  8. The only time France wants us to go
    to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee. - Regis
  9. As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure. - Jacques Chirac, former
    President of France. Rush Limbaugh: As far as France is concerned, you're
  10. You know, the French remind me a little bit of an
    aging actress of the 1940's who was still trying to dine out on her looks
    but doesn't have the face for it. - John McCain, US Senator from Arizona.

Bon Mots that almost got away:

  • An old saying: Raise your right hand
    if you like the French.  Raise both hands if you are French.
  • Next time
    there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
  • See more funny French
    jokesBastille Day 14th of July

Will and
Guy's Ten Good Things about France and the French

  1. French is the language
    of romance and love
  2. The Paris Metro is superb
  3. The Louvre is possibly
    the best museum in the world. Will also loves the Musée D'Orsay
  4. French
    architecture is magnificent: chateaux, churches, historic buildings
  5. French roads are good
  6. French cuisine and food: bread, cheese, coffee and
    patisseries are delicious
  7. Good quality wine is relatively cheap in France
    and Pastis is lovely
  8. A certain laissez-faire and je ne sais quoi attitude
  9. French restaurants for the "man in the street".
  10. The French railway
    system: possibly the best in the worldBastille Day 14th of July

Not forgetting the way in which the French play Rugby Union [le rugby]:
with strength, panache and Gallic flair.

Bastille Day JoyBastille Day Humour

Bastille day military parade

More Stereotypical, Silly, Comedy Shorts for Bastille Day

[Thanks to BBC Radio4 "Loose Ends" programme]

In retaliation against the
US House of Representatives changing the names of French fries and French
toast to Freedom fries and Freedom toast in their cafeteria, the French
government has announced that they will NOT change the name of American

A group of British paratroopers were firing their weapons for
practice near the Kuwait/Iraq border. A group of Iraqi soldiers, fearing the
war had started, crossed the border and promptly surrendered to the
paratroopers. My immediate thought was, 'Finally, French culture has spread
to the Middle East.'

What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?  A

Did you hear about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day? The description included: Never shot.  Dropped once.

What do you get when a grenade is thrown into a French
kitchen?  Linoleum Blownapart.

How Many Frenchman Does It Take To Change a
Light Bulb?French onion man

  • Well, first, there has to be a UN security resolution
    demanding a change; but only if the light bulb can be proved to be burned
    out and not just in a quantum state of flux.
  • Second, there should be an
    increase in the number and frequency of inspectors and inspections to
    determine that the light bulb is not just burned out, but a genuine threat
    to the rest of the world. There has to be a "smoking filament" or else the
    changing of the bulb would be considered unnecessary since the light bulb
    poses no threat to world stability, let alone in breach of said resolution
    by illuminating anything other than its own space.
  • Third, there should be
    endless debate about the ramifications of light bulb change. How do we know
    the next light bulb will be a more co operative light bulb and illuminate
    our lives?
  • Fourth, France will in no way support a violent action in
    changing the light bulb. There must be a peaceful solution to this light
    bulb change; violent action is unacceptable.
  • Fifth, without a broad
    coalition that supports light bulb change, any action to change the bulb
    will be consider
    ed a breach of the "spirit" of the UN resolution regarding
    the light bulb.

Liberty, Equality, Fraternity

One of the famous mottos from the French Revolution is Liberty, Equality,
Fraternity.  Yet the official declaration was encapsulated in the 'The
Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen'.  One of it's main
principles was:

'Men are born and remain free and equal in rights. Social distinctions can be
founded only on the common utility.'

'La Marseillaise' - The song of the revolution

Claude-Joseph Rouget de Lisle composed 'La Marseillaise' in 1792.
It became the chant of the revolution. The first verse is:

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé.
Contre nous de la tyrannie

L'étendard sanglant est levé.

Bastille Day Fly-pastBastille Day Fly-pastBastille day military parade

Jets of the Patrouille de France [the precision aerobatic demonstration team for the French Air Force].

Widely regarded as one of the world's most skilled teams, flying over the Arc de Triomphe
in Paris as part of France's annual Bastille Day celebrations.

Flag bearers
of the EU nations parade down the Champs Elysees on Bastille Day.

Bastille day military parade

Liberty, Equality, Fraternity.

Bastille Day (La Fête Nationale) - A Little HistoryBastille Day 14th of July

One of the defining rallying points of the French Revolution was the storming
of the Bastille on 14 July 1789.  Briefly, the French people, led by Danton
and others, rose up and overthrew the  monarchy of Louis XVI (and

As an incident, the storming of the Bastille was of symbolic value than a
crucial military victory.  While the Bastille had in its time housed
political prisoners, there were fewer than 10 inmates at the time of the attack
on 14th July 1789.  Moreover, none of the prisoners was noteworthy and it
was the guns and other arms that was more valuable to the revolutionaries.

Taking of the Bastille 14th July

Please send us your Bastille Day jokes.

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