Labor Day Jokes

Labor Day jokes reflect the the mood of this day being a quiet,
relaxing holiday, rather than a razzmatazz celebration of 4th of July.
However, here are amusing items that Will and Guy have unearthed for
this September Holiday.

• Funny Labor Day Cartoon
• Labor Day Funny Story
• Labor Day
  One-liners
• Funny Labor Day
  Cartoons
• Labor Day Dates

Labor Day Funny Story – The Elevator

In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a poor country farmer won
$480,000 in the Lottery.  As a treat he took his wife and their four children
to see the Labor Day parade in New York.

They booked into the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle
and Central Park North.  Having never been further than their local town,
Benton in Arkansas they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the “Big
Apple”.

Eli and his son Clem were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with
silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart,
and then automatically come back together again.  Neither had seen an
elevator [lift] before.  Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady
entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall
flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young
woman.

Eli turned to his son Clem and said, ‘Son, go get your mother.’

Labor Day Jokes If You Are Staying in a Hotel

• Amusing Notice in New Mexico Reception:
  The elevator
  is being fixed for the next day.
  During that time we regret that you
  will be unbearable.
• Please leave your values at the front desk.
• Notice in the Bar:
  Special cocktails: For the ladies
  with nuts.
• Notice in the Hotel Shop:
  Teeth extracted by the
  latest methodists.
• Take one of our horse-driven tours – we guarantee no
  miscarriages.
  Or, would you like to ride on your own
  ass?

[Funny how one cartoon reminds you of another …]

Funny Labor Day Cartoon If You Are Staying At Home

More Labor Day Jokes
and One-liners

• Father: Do you know, most people don’t
  have to work today, because it’s Labour Day.Son: If people
  are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labour Day?’ 
• Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
  It works for me!
• One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.  However, the only person
  to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
• If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is
  where the bus stops, what is a work station?
• If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it
  would probably be Labor Day Weekend.  Doug Larson
• ‘It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it’s a
  depression when you lose your own.’ Harry S. Truman

Footnote: We are struggling to find good Labor day
jokes, so if you find any, please write and lest us know.  Meanwhile
….

Finding the Right Job

In honor of Labor Day, here’s a first person report of someone who was
not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:

As a young man

• My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t
  concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack
  it, so they gave me the axe.
• After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of
  the hole business.
• I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
• I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly
  because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
• I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

In my prime

• Next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was
  exhausting.
• I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
• Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the
  right altitude.
• I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for
  the job.
• I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
• I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my
  racket. I was too high strung.
• I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make
  enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
• I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
  but the work was just too draining.

Later in life

• Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t
  fit for the job.
• I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in
  it.
• Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and
  revolting, so they discharged me.
• I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties,
  and my class.
• I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
• I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs,
  and I got the shaft.
• I sold origami, but the business folded.

Finally:

• I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.
• I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
• I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally
  withdrew from the job.
• I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net
  income.
• I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They
  thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
• I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the
  same old grind.
• So I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job!

Something Different To Chew Over on Labor Day

Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices?  Will and Guy
Explain

According to a snack food study discovered by Will and Guy: The average
American will have three to five careers, 10 to 12 jobs and will hold each
job for an average of 3.5 years throughout his or her lifetime. These
figures we have collected from the U.S. Department of Labor.

After a positive response to his 1999 study linking snack foods to
distinct personality traits, Dr. Hirsch extended his study to reveal that
savoury snacks can also help determine an appropriate career. More than
18,000 adult volunteers across thirty-five occupations were surveyed to
determine the correlation between their occupation and their favourite snack
food.

Chip lovers are ambitious and successful: If you crave
potato chips, you should be a lawyer, tennis pro, police officer, CEO; they
are competitive and have high expectations, not only of themselves, but of
those around them. Competitive in business, sports and social situations.

Pretzels: fire-fighter, journalist, flight attendant,
veterinarian or paediatrician. Lively and energetic, those who crave
pretzels seek novelty and easily become bored by routine. They make
decisions based on intuition and emotion, especially in romantic
relationships.

Tortilla Chips: farmer, travel agent, chef, clergy or
news reader; they are perfectionists who are also humanitarians. Sticklers
for punctuality, you will rarely see a tortilla eater late for an
appointment.

Cheese Curls: real estate agent, psychiatrist or
producer. Formal, always proper, conscientious and principled, people who
crave this have a highly developed sense of integrity and maintain the moral
high ground with their family, co-workers and romantic partners. They plan
ahead for any possible catastrophe. With elastoplasts and batteries, the
cheese curl lover’s house is always stocked and ready.

Popcorn: teacher, artist, truck driver, nurse, judge or
neurosurgeon. They are self-assured and confident, those who prefer popcorn
are best described as “take charge sort of people.” A popcorn enthusiast
will not hesitate to assume extra work on the job or take on extra duties at
social gatherings. Even though they are self-confident, popcorn lovers are
modest and humble, and would never be considered show-offs.

Nuts: plumber, architect, sanitation worker,
cardiologist or politician. Those who prefer nuts tend to be easygoing,
empathic and understanding. When confronted with an emotionally charged
situation, they can be counted on to keep calm and not join the fray,
allowing time for the emotional upheaval to pass. Their even handed nature
makes them well suited for dealing with the public during emergency
situations. While nut aficionados may not always be leaders, it is their
demeanour and assistance that allows the family or workplace to succeed.

Snack Crackers: stockbroker or professional race car
driver. Snack cracker devotees tend to be contemplative and thoughtful, and
base their decisions on solid reasoning instead of their emotions. They
value their private time and are most creative when allowed to be alone,
free from daily responsibilities and interruptions.

Meat Snacks: dentist or bartender. Those who crave a
satisfying stick of beef jerky or a mouth-watering bag of pork rinds are the
life of the party. Gregarious and social, meant snack lovers are at their
best amidst the company of others. They are loyal and true friends who can
always be trusted, and will make extraordinary self-sacrifices to please
others.

Summary: Do Snack Food Preferences Affect Job Choices?

‘A person’s job selection reflects his essential essence and his
personality,’ writes Dr. Hirsch. ‘Food choices, selection of clothing,
movies and spouses can provide insight into personality and character
structure. Thus the typical personality traits associated with savoury snack
preferences can be used to help predict occupational choices, because a
person’s job selection also reflects his essential essence and his
personality,’ says Dr. Hirsch.

Five Funny, Honest, Thought-provoking and Famous Quotes About Work

1. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
    Edgar Bergen
2. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of
   the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.  Robert Orben
3. Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em,
   “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.’
    Theodore
   Roosevelt
4. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
   is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.  Bertrand Russell
5. Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be
   violent and original in your work. Gustave Flaubert

Plus one more: Going to work for a large company is like getting on a
train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles
an hour and you’re just sitting still?  J. Paul Getty

More
Classic Labor Day Jokes

Unreasonable Labor?
‘I’m never going to work for that
man again.’
‘Why, what did he say?’

‘You’re fired.’

The Final Payment
Roland, a businessman, is on his
deathbed so he calls his friend and says, ‘Eli, I want you to promise me
that when I die you will have my remains cremated.’

‘And what,’ Eli asks, ‘do you want me to do with your ashes?’

Roland replies, ‘Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have
everything.’

The Worker
The Castle Rock, Colorado, Wage and Hours
Government Department claimed Mickey was not paying proper wages to his help
and sent an agent out to interview him.

‘I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the
agent.

‘Well,’ replied old Mickey, ‘There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for
3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been
here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then
there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90%
of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room
and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.’

‘That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,’ says the agent.

‘That would be me,’ replied old rancher Mickey.

A Brief History
of Labor Day in USA

Compared with other celebrations, Labor Day is the quiet day.
There maybe a few students using this as an opportunity for a last fling
before knuckling down to the Fall term, but for most people, Labor day
is just a welcome day off work.

America has celebrated Labor Day on the first Monday in September since
the 1882.  The original idea was to have a street parade to show off ‘The
strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations’.
When Labor Day was first proposed people worked 12hr days.

Later, Labor day featured speeches by prominent men, it’s true to say
that these had a mixed reception, compared with the enthusiasm for a day off
work.  In the 21st century politicians never miss the chance to plug
their policies, especially in Presidential election years.

While the first Labor day was originally held on a Tuesday, it was soon realized that
the first Monday was a better day for this day of relaxation.
Principally because we get a long weekend.

Labor Day Dates

In any given year there is never much doubt about the date for Labor day,
because it’s always
first Monday in September, nevertheless, here are the specific dates.
One reason for noting these dates is that the NFL season kicks off on
the Thursday following Labor day.  This explains why
sometimes the games start on the first Thursday in September, while in
other years we have to wait for the second Thursday before we see the
first grid-iron action of the season.

• Labor Day is on September 5th in 2011
• Labor Day is on September 3rd in 2012  (Leap Year)
• Labor Day is on September 2nd in 2013

Grandparents Day

The Sunday following Labor Day is
designated Grandparents Day.

Other Country’s Celebrations

While not many other countries celebrate Labor Day as such, most
nationalities have a public holiday to celebrate the end of summer.
For example the UK has a bank holiday on the last Monday in August.