Here is Will and Guy's collection of jokes, funny stories and videos on the subject of ducks and chickens.
Ann Martin, 63, of Portesham, Dorset taught ducks to follow her from a nearby pond, and then to cross the road. Ann's idea is to slow speeding drivers, especially during the rush hour. Ann Martin, who is a local postmistress, said that drivers heading into Weymouth 'use the village as a rat-run'.
Mother Duck's Pride
Good Duck Joke
Billy, the travelling circus owner, walked into a bar to see everyone
crowded around a table watching a show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. Billy
was so impressed that he offered immediately to buy the duck from its owner.
After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $20,000 for the duck
and the pot.
Four days later the circus owner, Billy, runs back to the bar in anger
and shouts, 'Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole
audience, and he didn't dance a single step.'
'So?' asked the ducks
former owner calmly, 'did you remember to light the candle under the pot?'
Funny Duck Humour
A duck goes into a bar and says, 'I would like a drink. I am old enough.'
The bartender replies, 'You need to be able to prove who you are.'
The duck pulls out a mirror. He looks in it, nods his head, and says,
'Yep, that's me.'
Duck or Chicken?
Alice and Emile went for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and they order the 'Chicken Surprise.' The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded
cast iron pot. Just as Alice is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. n.
'Good grief, did you see
that?' she asks her husband, Emile. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.
Emile reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather
perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' stammers the waiter, 'what you order?'
Emile replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'
'Ah! So sorry, is mistake' says the attendant, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'
Marian Morris from Arkadelphia, Arkansas, resuscitated her brother's pet
chicken Boo Boo, and saved it's life, after it was found floating face down in
the family's pond.
Mrs Morris, a retired nurse, said, 'I breathed into its
beak, and its eyes popped open. I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes
popped open again.
'I said, 'I think this chicken's alive now. Keep
Boo Boo got her name because she is easily frightened. It is thought she
flopped into the pond after being startled.
She made a fully recovery
reports The Sun online.
Alan is driving a pick-up truck along the road with a flock of ducks in the
back. He is stopped by a zealous police officer who informs Alan that he is
speeding and then asks him where he's going with all the ducks. Alan replies
that he is not sure what to do with them. The policeman tells him helpfully,
'Look, Marwell Zoo is not far from here and that's a good place as any to take
them.' Alan thanks the police officer and drives off with his ducks.
The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck hurtling down the
road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are wearing sunglasses. The
officer pulls Alan over again and growls, 'I thought I told you to take those
ducks to the zoo.'
'I did,' responded Alan happily, 'but now they want to go to Southsea beach.'
Indian Runner Ducks
- Male ducks are called drakes, female ducks are called hens, while
their hatchlings are called ducklings.
- Ducks have three eyelids.
- Contrary to some beliefs, when ducks quack they do have an echo,
often too quiet to be heard.
- Some ducks are able to fly about 332 miles a day.
- A duck can live for between 2-12 years, depending on the species.
- Ducks have webbed feet, which act like paddles.
- Geese and swans are related to the duck.
- Ducks never have cold feet since they do not have nerves or blood
vessels in their feet.
- Ducks line their nests with feathers they pluck from their chest
- A ducks feathers are waterproof.
Duck Places and Landmarks
- Duck, is a town in Dare County, North Carolina, USA
- Duck Creek is a township in Madison County Indiana, USA.
- Duck Creek is a township in Adams County North Dakota, USA.
- Duck Creek is a township in Stoddard County Missouri, USA .
- Duck Creek is a township in Wilson County Kansas, USA.
- Duck Creek is in Ohio, USA.
- Duck Creek, can be found in Utah, USA.
The fluffy new family had to be escorted to safety by shop staff after
the ducklings hatched on a wall in the backyard of the Kidney Research UK
charity store in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, England. Their journey
involved a 100-yard waddle through the store, across pavements and over a
busy road to the River Great Ouse quayside, where they plopped three feet
down into the water.
Dozens of shoppers stopped and watched in amazement as the mallard and
her ducklings ignored the bustle on the street and set off for a dip. Shop
manager Carol Andrews informed Will and Guy that she has been chaperoning
ducks through the store each Spring since it opened seven years ago.
Every year Mrs Andrews makes a ramp so the mother duck and her brood
can get out of the yard and into the storeroom. She then helps them make
their first journey to the river, guiding them through traffic and
pedestrians. She believes it is the same mother duck who returns to have
her ducklings in the safety of the enclosed back yard.
The *RSPB said it was unusual for ducks to nest in such a way but
commended the shop's staff for accommodating the mallard's curious choice.
A spokesperson told us, 'Ducks tend to nest on the ground, so it's quite
unusual for one to nest on top of a high wall but it does happen. We have
records of ducks nesting on balconies, especially if there is a lot of
pressure for space. If this duck knows it is has been safe on the wall in
the yard in the past then she will go back.'
*Royal Society for the Protection of Birds [UK]
- A duck is a short legged water bird with webbed feet. Any of a
variety of species of wild or domestic web-footed birds. Broilers and
fryers are under 8 weeks; roasters are no more than 16 weeks old. Duck
is generally higher in fat than other domestic birds.
- A closely woven, plain-weave cloth, usually made from cotton or
linen yarns, similar to canvas. The terms canvas and duck have become
almost generic and are usually qualified by terms that indicate the use
of the cloth - e.g. in the Royal Navy, UK.
- Duck: A pet, a darling, colloquial name in northern England -
- Duck: To go under the surface of water and immediately reappear; to
dive; to plunge the head in water or other liquid.
- To move the head or body quickly downwards or away; 'Before he could
duck, another stone struck him.'
- In the game cricket = a score of nothing by a batsman. Other ducks
in cricket are:
- Golden Duck: When a player is dismissed for
the first ball he faced, it is called a Golden Duck.
- Diamond Duck:
When a player is dismissed without facing a ball (usually run out) is
called a Diamond Duck
- Pair: When a player is dismissed for nought
in both innings of the same two-innings match is called a Pair.
King Pair: If a player is dismissed first ball in both innings is called
a King Pair.
- Lame duck = A person or thing that isn't properly able to function,
especially one that was previously proficient.
Cockney Meaning of Duck
Duck and Dive is cockney* rhyming slang for "Hide".
*Cockney rhyming slang is not a language but a collection of phrases used
by "Cockneys" and other Londoners. A true "Cockney" is someone born within
the sound of Bow Bells. [St Mary-le-Bow Church in Cheapside, London,
England]. Examples include:
Plates of meat
Loaf of bread
North and south
North and south