Funny Cow Jokes

Cow and Bull Jokes

Will and Guy's collection of amusing items featuring cows and few bulls.
What do you call cattle with a sense of humour?  Laughing stock!

Cow Wash in Texas

Texas Car Wash

Cow Wash in England

Amusing True Cow Story

English dairy farmers keep their cows happy and productive by giving them regular brush-ups in the cow wash.  They fit the over-sized brush to their milking sheds, thus keeping the cows clean and content. A DeLeval spokesman claimed that brushing improved the cows' blood circulation, which in turn boosted milk production by 3.5%. 'Daisy 153' looks to be purring with pleasure!
Funny Cow Pictures

Funny Cow Stories

Oh Dear, Cow Stuck in a Pylon

Short Cow Joke

What was the male calf doing in the corner of the field with his eyes closed? Practicing his bull-dozin'
Cow's head stuck in pylon

Worse - Cow Stuck in a Washing MachineCow Stuck in a washing machine

The RSPCA was called to rescue the heifer called 'Spinner' from a field at Higher Fraddon, St Columb, Cornwall, England.  The cow had to be freed after getting her head stuck in a fly-tipped washing machine drum. The lucky cow escaped injury after her ordeal; but the animal charity warned today that fly tipping can cause animals harm. 'It is one of the more unusual things we had had to rescue an animal from,' said RSPCA spokeswoman Jo Barr. 'Young cows are quite curious, and she probably thought there was some food inside the drum,' she added. A member of the public spotted the frustrated 'Spinner' trying to free herself from the metal drum. RSPCA inspector David Hobbs rescued the heifer, and she has since returned to her herd unharmed. Lesson: Keep your nose out of things that do not concern you.Basket case
The Last Word From Spinner: I used to like all farm vehicles but now I am an extractor fan!

Another Bovine Head CaseCow Ladder

Members of the public spotted the bullock with its head in the ladder. An animal charity has rescued an animal in South Ayrshire, Scotland, which had got its head stuck in a ladder Will and Guy can reveal. Members of the public called the Scottish SPCA [Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] after spotting the bewildered beast in a field beside the Troon to Barassie road recently. An inspector contacted the farmer who owned the Belgian Blue bullock and helped return it to the herd unharmed.  The farmer, who owns the bull, told Will and Guy that he had no idea how the ladder came to be in the field.

Frisky CowsBasket case

A Sussex policeman has been hospitalised after being attacked by a herd of young tearaways.  In this case, the violent gang consisted of 50 cows. Inspector Chris Poole received four broken ribs and a punctured lung after the normally docile animals butted and stamped on him when he was out walking his dog on the South Downs.  One angry cow charged him in the back, forcing him to the ground, before the others members of the herd joined in. Mr Poole said he only managed to escape when Zak, his faithful golden retriever, ran away and the cows chased after it.  Inspector Poole then managed to attract the attention of another dog walker, who called for an air ambulance. The RSPCA said cows could become protective of their young to the point of becoming aggressive, especially if a large dog was nearby.  There are no plans to place an ASBO on the herd. Bull in a China Shop

Short Cow Jokes

  • Two farmers are talking to each other over a 5-bar gate when one turns to the others and asks:'Do your cows smoke?No, answered the first one, surprised. Well then your cowshed must be burning!
  • What do you get if you milk a forgetful Frisian cow? Milk of Amnesia.
  • Why did the Daisy the cow wear a bell around her neck? Because her horn didn't work.

True Life Cow Humour

My husband and I were watching the western movie: "Chisholm". The evil lawmen are shooting innocent men, instead of bringing them to trial; Chisholm arrives, to prevent a massacre; he brings men on horseback and a herd of cattle, which ploughs through the town, causing dust, the sound of pounding hooves and loud mooing .... I ask my husband: "Are they providing a diversion?" "Yes. But they are COW ACTORS. They GET PAID." I start to visualise the audition process. "Can you run fast, and moo loudly? Sorry, you are not mooing loud enough Cow No. 44. Next ..."

Cow Awards

Bovine Actor of the Year: MOOOLON BRANDO Bovine Actress of the year: MARILYN MOOOOOONROE. Incidentally, she was better than all the udders. [Kindly sent in by June Faulding]

Funny Cow Joke

Have You Heard This One?Cow licking with big tongue

Two west country yokels were on the train heading homewards through Somerset, England when one of them noticed some cows. 'What a lovely bunch of cows.' he remarked. 'Not a bunch, herd,' his mate replied. 'Heard of what?' 'Herd of cows.' 'Of course I've heard of cows.' 'No, a cow herd.' 'What do I care what a cow heard.  I have no secrets to keep from a cow.'

More Funny Cow Pictures

Funny FarmBasket case

Cow's head stuck in pylon

Short Cow Jokes

  • Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder!
  • Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the milkmaid's hands were cold.
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

Mad Cow Disease

BSE - Mad cow funny storyTwo cows, Daisy and Ermintrude were chatting over the fence between their fields. Daisy speaks first, 'I tell you, this mad cow disease is really pretty scary.  They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Thomas's Farm.' Funny story - mad cow disease Ermintrude looks up and replies, 'I'm not worried in the slightest, it doesn't affect us chickens.'
BSE Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE) is commonly known as Mad Cow Disease. It is believed, but not proven, that the disease may be transmitted to human beings who eat infected meat.  An alternative explanation is that BSE is inhaled by coming into contact with the dust from products made from infected animals.
Cows bse funny story

More Cow Humour

Political Cows

  • Communism: You have two cows.  The government seizes them both, and then gives you some sour milk.
  • Capitalism: You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.
  • British democracy:  You have two cows.  You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
  • Naziism: You have two cows. The Government shoots you and takes the cows.
  • See more political cows.

Used Cows!

Used CowsCow in transit How to get your cow to market.  And they say that dogs look like their owners.....

A Double LessonEarth Day Jokes

A carload of hunters, on holiday, were looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard in County Waterford, Ireland. The driver, Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's land. The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a favour? That old donkey standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?' Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled back to the car. While walking back, however, Brannagh decided to play a trick on his hunting friends.  He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said if it was alright, he said, 'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.' With that, the Irishman rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and shot the donkey. As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,' a second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting mates yelled, 'And me, begorrah, I got the cow.'

Interesting Facts About Cows

  • Cows really do give more milk when they listen to music in the milking parlour.  Ask your government for a grant to study the effect of music on milk production.  Then make your fortune by inventing an iPod for cows so they can listen to music as they graze!
  • In the Indian language, the literal translation of the Sanskrit word for 'War' is, 'we want more cows'
  • It would take a huge herd of around 2,500 cows to supply the 20,000 Wilson footballs that the NFL needs for each season's games.  However, no cows die when the English soccer season kicks off.  The reason is that soccer footballs are made from synthetic materials.
  • Bamboozle the innumerate.  Tell them that it takes 20 pints of milk to make one pint of butter.  Then ask them how many gallons of milk would it take to make a gallon of butter?  (Naturally, the answer is 20 gallons.)

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