Funny Cow Jokes

Will and Guy's collection of amusing items featuring cows and few bulls.

• Cow Wash - Texas v England
• Funny Cow Stories
• Funny Bull Stories
• Mad Cow Disease
• Funny Cow Joke
• More Funny Cow Pictures
• Farming Jokes
• Used Cows! - Cow for Sale?

Cow Wash in Texas

Cow Wash in England

Funny Cow Stories

Oh Dear, Cow Stuck in a Pylon

Worse - Cow Stuck in a
Washing Machine

The RSPCA was called to rescue the heifer called 'Spinner' from a field
at Higher Fraddon, St Columb, Cornwall, England.  The cow had to be freed
after getting her head stuck in a fly-tipped washing machine drum.

The lucky cow escaped injury after her ordeal; but the animal charity
warned today that fly tipping can cause animals harm. 'It is one of the more
unusual things we had had to rescue an animal from,' said RSPCA spokeswoman
Jo Barr. 'Young cows are quite curious, and she probably thought there was
some food inside the drum,' she added.

A member of the public spotted the frustrated 'Spinner' trying to free
herself from the metal drum. RSPCA inspector David Hobbs rescued the heifer,
and she has since returned to her herd unharmed.

Lesson: Keep your nose out of things that do not concern you.

Another Bovine Head Case

Members of the public spotted the bullock with its head in the ladder. An
animal charity has rescued an animal in South Ayrshire, Scotland, which had
got its head stuck in a ladder Will and Guy can reveal.

Members of the public called the Scottish SPCA [Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] after spotting the bewildered beast in a
field beside the Troon to Barassie road recently.

An inspector contacted the farmer who owned the Belgian Blue bullock and
helped return it to the herd unharmed.  The farmer, who owns the bull,
told Will and Guy that he had no idea how the ladder came to be in the
field.

Frisky Cows

A Sussex policeman has been hospitalised after being attacked by a herd
of young tearaways.  In this case, the violent gang consisted of 50 cows.
Inspector Chris Poole received four broken ribs and a punctured lung after
the normally docile animals butted and stamped on him when he was out
walking his dog on the South Downs.  One angry cow charged him in the back,
forcing him to the ground, before the others members of the herd joined in.

Mr Poole said he only managed to escape when Zak, his faithful golden
retriever, ran away and the cows chased after it.  Inspector Poole then
managed to attract the attention of another dog walker, who called for an
air ambulance.

The RSPCA said cows could become protective of their young to the point
of becoming aggressive, especially if a large dog was nearby.  There are no
plans to place an ASBO on the herd.

True Life Cow Humour

My husband and I were watching the western movie: "Chisholm".

The evil lawmen are shooting innocent men, instead of bringing them to
trial; Chisholm arrives, to prevent a massacre; he brings men on horseback
and a herd of cattle, which ploughs through the town, causing dust, the
sound of pounding hooves and loud mooing ....

I ask my husband: "Are they providing a diversion?"

"Yes. But they are COW ACTORS. They GET PAID."

I start to visualise the audition process. "Can you run fast, and moo
loudly? Sorry, you are not mooing loud enough Cow No. 44. Next ..."

Cow Awards

Bovine Actor of the Year:
MOOOLON BRANDO

Bovine Actress of the year:
MARILYN MOOOOOONROE.

Incidentally, she was better than all the udders.

[Kindly sent in by June Faulding]

Funny Cow Joke

Have You Heard This One?

Two west country yokels were on the train heading homewards through
Somerset, England when one of them noticed some cows.

'What a lovely bunch of cows.' he remarked.
'Not a bunch, herd,' his
mate replied.

'Heard of what?'
'Herd of cows.'

'Of course I've heard of cows.'

'No, a cow herd.'

'What do I care what a cow heard.  I have no secrets to keep from a cow.'

More Funny Cow Pictures

Funny Farm

Mad Cow Disease

Two
cows, Daisy and Ermintrude were chatting over the fence between their
fields. Daisy speaks first, 'I tell you, this mad cow disease is really
pretty scary.  They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down
on the Thomas's Farm.'

Ermintrude looks up and replies, 'I'm not worried in the slightest, it
doesn't affect us chickens.'

More Cow Humour

Political Cows

• Communism: You have two cows.  The government
  seizes them both, and then gives you some sour milk.
• Capitalism: You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a
  bull.
• British democracy:  You have two cows.  You feed
  them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
• Naziism: You have two cows. The Government shoots you
  and takes the cows.
• 
  See more political cows.

Used Cows!

How to get your cow to market.  And they say that dogs look like their
owners.....

A Double Lesson

A carload of hunters, on holiday, were looking for a place to hunt,
pulled into a farmer's yard in County Waterford, Ireland. The driver,
Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's
land.

The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a
favour? That old donkey standing over there is 20 years old and sick with
cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?'

Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled back to the car.

While walking back, however, Brannagh decided to play a trick on his
hunting friends.  He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer
had said if it was alright, he said, 'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going
to teach that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.'

With that, the Irishman rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and
shot the donkey. As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,' a second
shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting mates yelled,
'And me, begorrah, I got the cow.'

Interesting Facts About Cows

• Cows really do give more milk when they listen to music in the milking
  parlour.  Ask your government for a grant to study the effect of music on
  milk production.  Then make your fortune by inventing an iPod for cows so
  they can listen to music as they graze!
• In the Indian language, the literal translation of the Sanskrit word for
  'War' is, 'we want more cows'
• It would take a huge herd of around 2,500 cows to supply the 20,000 Wilson
  footballs that the NFL needs for each season's games.  However, no cows die
  when the English soccer season kicks off.  The reason is that soccer
  footballs are made from synthetic materials.
• Bamboozle the innumerate.  Tell them that it takes 20 pints of milk to
  make one pint of butter.  Then ask them how many gallons of milk would it
  take to make a gallon of butter?  (Naturally, the answer is 20 gallons.)

See our chicken
jokes »

Footnote:
Please send us your funny cow pictures and
amusing stories.