Will and Guy's collection of amusing items featuring cows and few bulls.
What do you call cattle with a sense of humour? Laughing stock!
- Cow Wash - Texas v England
- Funny Cow Stories
- Funny Bull Stories
- Mad Cow Disease
- Funny Cow Joke
- More Funny Cow Pictures
- Farming Jokes
- Used Cows! - Cow for Sale?
Cow Wash in England
Amusing True Cow StoryEnglish dairy farmers keep their cows happy and productive by giving them regular brush-ups in the cow wash. They fit the over-sized brush to their milking sheds, thus keeping the cows clean and content. A DeLeval spokesman claimed that brushing improved the cows' blood circulation, which in turn boosted milk production by 3.5%. 'Daisy 153' looks to be purring with pleasure!
Oh Dear, Cow Stuck in a Pylon
Short Cow JokeWhat was the male calf doing in the corner of the field with his eyes closed? Practicing his bull-dozin'
The Last Word From Spinner: I used to like all farm vehicles but now I am an extractor fan!
Short Cow Jokes
- Two farmers are talking to each other over a 5-bar gate when one turns to the others and asks:'Do your cows smoke?No, answered the first one, surprised. Well then your cowshed must be burning!
- What do you get if you milk a forgetful Frisian cow? Milk of Amnesia.
- Why did the Daisy the cow wear a bell around her neck? Because her horn didn't work.
True Life Cow HumourMy husband and I were watching the western movie: "Chisholm". The evil lawmen are shooting innocent men, instead of bringing them to trial; Chisholm arrives, to prevent a massacre; he brings men on horseback and a herd of cattle, which ploughs through the town, causing dust, the sound of pounding hooves and loud mooing .... I ask my husband: "Are they providing a diversion?" "Yes. But they are COW ACTORS. They GET PAID." I start to visualise the audition process. "Can you run fast, and moo loudly? Sorry, you are not mooing loud enough Cow No. 44. Next ..."
Short Cow Jokes
- Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder!
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the milkmaid's hands were cold.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
BSE Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE) is commonly known as Mad Cow Disease. It is believed, but not proven, that the disease may be transmitted to human beings who eat infected meat. An alternative explanation is that BSE is inhaled by coming into contact with the dust from products made from infected animals.
More Cow Humour
- Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes them both, and then gives you some sour milk.
- Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
- British democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
- Naziism: You have two cows. The Government shoots you and takes the cows.
- See more political cows.
A Double LessonA carload of hunters, on holiday, were looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard in County Waterford, Ireland. The driver, Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's land. The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a favour? That old donkey standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?' Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled back to the car. While walking back, however, Brannagh decided to play a trick on his hunting friends. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said if it was alright, he said, 'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.' With that, the Irishman rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and shot the donkey. As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,' a second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting mates yelled, 'And me, begorrah, I got the cow.'
- Cows really do give more milk when they listen to music in the milking parlour. Ask your government for a grant to study the effect of music on milk production. Then make your fortune by inventing an iPod for cows so they can listen to music as they graze!
- In the Indian language, the literal translation of the Sanskrit word for 'War' is, 'we want more cows'
- It would take a huge herd of around 2,500 cows to supply the 20,000 Wilson footballs that the NFL needs for each season's games. However, no cows die when the English soccer season kicks off. The reason is that soccer footballs are made from synthetic materials.
- Bamboozle the innumerate. Tell them that it takes 20 pints of milk to make one pint of butter. Then ask them how many gallons of milk would it take to make a gallon of butter? (Naturally, the answer is 20 gallons.)