Valentine’s Day Jokes

Valentine's Day Jokes

As ever, Will and Guy have a mixture.
For Valentine's day we have jokes, funny pictures, strange but stories and even poems for romantics.

'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all'.  Samuel Butler

  • Valentine's
    Day Cards
  • Valentine's Day Chocolates
  • St Valentine's History and Customs
  • Valentine's Day for Cynics
  • Valentine's
    Day Jokes
  • Kids Valentine Jokes
  • Valentine's Day Kiss
  • Valentine's
    Day Locations
  • Valentine's Day True Love Stories
  • Valentine's Day Love Token
  • Valentine's Day Ideas for a Boy
  • Funny Pictures of
    Valentine's Hearts
  • Valentine's Day Food
  • Funny Valentine Pics
  • Romantic Valentine
    Poems
  • Valentine's
    Quotes for February 14th
  • Valentine's Trivia
  • Valentine True Love Stories
  • Valentines Sayings
  • Valentine's Day Monday 14th
    February 201
  • Chinese
    Valentine's Day - 7th Day, 7th Month of Calendar
  • Love in the Animal Kingdom

The Perfect Lovers' Island Discovered
Valentine's Island

A tiny heart-shaped island in the Adriatic Sea has become a holiday hit
for St Valentine's Day after being discovered on Google Earth. Even the
uninhabited island's owner didn't realise how perfectly heart-shaped the
island off the Croatian coast was until he was swamped with requests from
lovers to stay there.

'It has been incredible. We think it is the most perfect heart-shaped
island in the world,' said Vlado Juresko, whose family owns the 130,000
square yard islet of Galesnjak, hastily renamed "Lovers' Island". 'Nobody
lives there so if lovers really do want to spend time alone it's the perfect
desert island. We always thought it looked a bit like a heart but since it's
been on Google Earth everyone else has seen it too and the whole world seems
to want to stay here.'

Valentine Quotes

'Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.'
Mae West.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentine's cards signed, 'guess who'?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Q: What is the difference
between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
A: One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

Valentine Poem - My Own Sweet Valentine

Like the sweetly budding rose,
Old Valentine's Day Card
Freshened
by the gentle rain
Like the Evening Star that glows,
Brightest of the starry train

Like a well arranged Bouquet,
Where the fairest flowers combine,
Odours rich and colours gay,
Is my own
Sweet Valentine

My Love

1st time I saw u I was scared 2 touch u.
1st time I touched u I
was scared 2 kiss u.
1st time I kiss u I was scared 2 love u,
But
now dat I love u im scared 2 lose u.

Romantic Valentine's Day Quotes for February 14th

One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never a mistake to have loved.
Romain Rolland

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

Thomas Robert Dewar

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Aristotle

Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Sarah Bernhardt

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry

Oscar Wilde's
Take on Marriage

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.   See more of Oscar Wilde's

Quotes

Can we come back tomorrow?

A couple were having marital problems. They decided together to do the right thing and they contacted a marriage guidance counsellor.

Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of
listening carried out. Eventually the the counsellor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the women and asking her to stand up he gave her a huge cuddle.

He turned to the
husband man and said, 'This is what your wife needs, at least once every day.'

The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, 'Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back
tomorrow?'

Valentine Shock

St Valentine 'Not the saint of love'

Britain's Roman Catholic Church is advising lovelorn singles to
direct their 14 February requests for love to St Raphael, rather than St
Valentine.  Over the years St Valentine has come incorrectly to be
associated with finding love, the Church says.  He is the patron
saint for those who have already found their soul mate.  St Raphael
is the patron saint for happy encounters and it is to him those fearing
the Valentine's post should properly direct their prayers.

A
True 'Valentine' Story - Michael YoungA true valentine story

A man who fell in love with a fellow passenger onboard a flight got the airline to help him track her down. Michael Young fell for Juliet Lever on a Flybe flight from Belfast to Newcastle. Juliet, who was in
seat 2B, and Michael, who was in 2C, hit it off instantly. Sadly, Michael was too shy to ask Juliet for her number. He confirmed this on the Victoria Derbyshire show on BBC Radio 5 Live today. [October 2006]

He pined for her so much after they parted that he contacted the airline and begged bosses to ask her to get in touch. They obliged and Juliet, 29, phoned him and they agreed to go out to dinner. A
whirlwind romance followed and they are to get married next month.

Juliet, who now lives with Michael in Manchester, said, 'Every girl dreams of a fairytale romance and you couldn't
get better than
this.'

Flybe's
Head of Customer Relations, Ella Jones commented, 'Michael's
tale pulled heart strings so we played cupid.'

Valentine Day Limerick - The Old Man of Lyme

There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked, 'Why a third?'
He replied, 'One's absurd!
And bigamy, Sir,
is a crime.'

Thoughtful Valentine's PresentValentine's day jokes

Peter, who was in his early 20's, was buying an expensive bracelet, to
surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop
in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on
it?'

Peter thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave
'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how
very romantic of you.'

Peter retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very
practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

Valentine's Day of the Week

On which day of the week will 14th of February fall?

  • 2012 - Tuesday
  • 2013 - Thursday
  • 2014 - Friday
  • 2015 - Saturday

See more Valentine's day jokes

Footnote:
Please send us your funny Valentine
stories.

See more free funny pictures and amusing jokes for special occasions:


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