School Pun List


Back to school stories

Will and Guy each have considerable experience of classroom teaching.
Will says a little humour makes it easy to control a class.  Guy says
collecting pupil's unintentional puns was what kept him sane.

  • Will's School Pun List
  • Guy's School Pun List
  • Golden
    Rule of Teaching - Know your Pupils
  • Modern Homework Excuse

Will's School Pun List

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
    He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
    out to be an optical Aleutian
  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  4. Will confiscated a rubber band pistol from his algebra class pistol,
    because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
  6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
  7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  9. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
    the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
  10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Guy's School Pun List

  1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
  2. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
    the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
    have your kayak and heat it too.
  3. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
    other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
  4. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  5. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the
  6. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
    at large.
  7. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
    seasoned veteran.
  8. A backward poet writes inverse.
  9. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
    count that votes.
  10. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
    stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
    allowed per passenger.'

Will's Golden Rule of Teaching - Know your PupilsBack to school jokes

A head teacher is making his rounds of the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most

He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the head teacher restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the
importance of good behaviour.

'Now,' he says, 'are there any questions?'

One girl stands up timidly. 'Please sir,' she asks, 'may we have our teacher back?'

Modern Homework Excuse

Best Homework Excuse

Unlike the olden days, no dogs were injured in compiling this excuse.

Doing His Homework!

When Mother came home she was amazed to see Nathan sitting on a horse,
writing something.
'What on earth are you doing there?' he asked.

'Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal.'
Answered Nathan, 'That's why I'm here and that's why Sally sitting in the
goldfish bowl.'

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