Kids Valentines Jokes

• Short Valentine Jokes
• Kids Valentine Joke –
  First Date
• Valentine Love
• Kids Valentine One-liners
• Ugly Duckling Makes Good
• More Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes
• Also Cynical Valentine Jokes

Short Valentine Jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s
Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to
the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I’m stuck on you.

Q: What is
a vampire’s
sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call
her?
A: Antelope.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.

Kids Valentine Joke – First
Date

Be My Valentine

It was Valentine’s day and Jim and Danielle’s first
date.  They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The
screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema’s
concession stand.  Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.

Suddenly, out of the
darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted’, Okay, who’s
got the remote control?’

Valentine Love

• Don’t waste your time on someone, who isn’t willing to waste
  their time on you.
• Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
• No boy or girl is worth your tears, and the one who is, won’t
  make you cry.

More Kids Valentine Jokes

Q: What did the
boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss,
honey.
Knock, Knock,
Who’s
there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn’t
get a date.

Q: What is a ram’s
favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for
ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed’, guess who’
?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Kids Valentine One-liners

• What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
  Ughs
  and kisses.
• What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
  I Love Ewe.
• What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
  I’m stuck on you!
• What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
  He gives
  it a Valenshine.
• Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
  It was
  Valenswine’s Day
• Knock knock!
  Who’s there?Frank
  Frank who?Frank you for being my friend.
• Knock knock!
  Who’s there?Howard
  Howard who?Howard you like a big kiss?
  (See more
  onomatopoeia examples)

Short, Tasteless Joke for Valentine’s Day

Paul went to the shopping mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards
for his daughter and mother.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of
cards astounded him. Paul muttered out loud, ‘I wonder if they have
anything for ex-wives?’
The shopkeeper, behind the counter said, ‘Oh,
yes sir, they do have an “ex” category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.’
‘Really?’ queried Paul.
‘Yes sir. They’re called darts.’

My Poem for You

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I made this card
Just for
you
It’s not the neatest,
It wouldn’t pass a test
But it’s made
with love-
That makes it the best.

Valentine’s Day Love Poems

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the
depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of
sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the
level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I
love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as
they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In
my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love
I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,
I shall but love
thee better after death.
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Hindsight [A humorous Valentine poem]

I said to you, ‘Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.’
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being
cool.
I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my
heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I’d probably have fled
instead.

By Joanna Fuchs

True Story
– Bakery for Dogs Opens in Paris

An
award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery in Paris which caters only for dogs.  Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and
also bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras, reports the BBC.

The
owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog
Sophie-Marie.  Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business
for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her
biggest enthusiasms – pastries and pets.

‘Everything is made in the back of the boutique’, said Ms Sternstein, ‘Every
day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits and special orders are taken on a daily basis.’

‘The Parisians come – and the first time they think it’s very funny and they
look at it, and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs
come back and choose which flavours they like the best.

‘I change
flavours, based on what’s going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for
Valentine’s Day.’

P.S. Please send us your favourite kids Valentine jokes.