Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's
Q: What did the valentine card say to
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you.
Q: What is
A: His ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.
Be My Valentine
It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first
date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The
screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's
concession stand. Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the
darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted', Okay, who's
got the remote control?'
Bertrand Russell's prudent words
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.
Q: What did the
boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss,
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't
get a date.
Q: What is a ram's
favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for
Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.
Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who'
A: A divorce lawyer.
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day?
I Love Ewe.
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
I'm stuck on you!
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
it a Valenshine.
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
Frank you for being my friend.
Howard you like a big kiss?
Short, Tasteless Joke for Valentine's Day
Paul went to the shopping mall this last week to buy Valentines' cards
for his daughter and mother.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of
cards astounded him. Paul muttered out loud, 'I wonder if they have
anything for ex-wives?'
The shopkeeper, behind the counter said, 'Oh,
yes sir, they do have an "ex" category, but they're in Sporting Goods.'
'Really?' queried Paul.
'Yes sir. They're called darts.'
My Poem for You
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I made this card
It's not the neatest,
It wouldn't pass a test
But it's made
That makes it the best.
Valentine's Day Love Poems
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the
depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the
level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as
they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love
I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,
I shall but love
thee better after death.
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Hindsight [A humorous Valentine poem]
I said to you, 'Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.'
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being
I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my
Had I been thinking with my head,
I'd probably have fled
By Joanna Fuchs
award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery in Paris which caters only for dogs. Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and
also bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras, reports the BBC.
owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog
Sophie-Marie. Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business
for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her
biggest enthusiasms - pastries and pets.
'Everything is made in the back of the boutique', said Ms Sternstein, 'Every
day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits and special orders are taken on a daily basis.'
'The Parisians come - and the first time they think it's very funny and they
look at it, and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs
come back and choose which flavours they like the best.
flavours, based on what's going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for
P.S. Please send us your favourite kids Valentine jokes.
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