Hilarious Sayings | mirthful quotes

Hilarious Sayings

Will and Guy's Collection of Hilarious SayingsHilarious Sayings

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Will Rogers

Hilarious Sayings

In this collection we have a variety of sayings that we found funny. Behind the words each had a thought provoking message.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  • I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. - Ashleigh Brilliant
  • Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it. - Jerome K. Jerome
  • Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic. - Jean Sibelius
  • Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.
  • Is life worth living?  It all depends on the liver. - William James
  • If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
  • See more funny quotes.

Thought Provoking Sayings

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. Life is far too important to be taken seriously.

Mirthful QuotesClean Hilarious Jokes

Most of these amusing sayings can be attributed to their author, while others remain anonymous.
  • I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
  • Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine". - Tommy Cooper.
  • Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.  This describes everything you are not.
  • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
  • The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.  - Friedrich Nietzsche
  • When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. - Oscar Wilde
  • When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

More Hilarious Sayings

  • Wife who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cat house.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder - Anon
  • It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.  - Scott Elledge
  • I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow
  • I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome
  • Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it - Gene Perret
  • An angel leaves no forwarding address, they ask nothing in return.

Funny Valentine's Day Sayings

  • 'When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain'. Mark Twain
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. Emo Philips
  • See more Valentine sayings.
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