- True Conversations Between Lawyers and Witnesses
- Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance
- More Funny Courtroom Exchanges
- Short, Funny, Magistrates Court Story
- Amusing Italian Court Cases
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∇True Conversations between Lawyers and Witnesses
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Trooper Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Doctor (1) Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Doctor (2) Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Really Silly (1) Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Really Silly (2) Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Really Silly (3) Gender? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?More Funny Court Transcripts between Lawyers and Witnesses
Date of Birth
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: December twenty fifth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year. (See more Christmas Jokes here)
Memory
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that You've forgotten?
Memory take two
Q:
How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
What's in a name?
Q: What was the first thing your husband
said to you when he woke that Thursday?
A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Quick, Short, Funny Court
Appearance
Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at
gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court.
He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the
stand to give his evidence.
She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up
and yelled, 'You're lying! I should have blown your head off!' He paused,
then added, 'If I had been the one that was there.'
The jury found him guilty and Jerry Bartle was sentenced to thirty years
imprisonment.
More Funny Courtroom Exchanges between Lawyers and Witnesses
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
