Funny Children with Santa Stories

Children meeting with Santa Claus can be special,
magical, or as in these stories - amusing.

Funny Tales of
Santa with Children

• How Children Behave with
  Santa
• The Ideal Santa Christmas
• Santa Gets the Sack
• Funny Santa Claus Stories
• An Amusing
  Story Of Santa with the Two Sisters

How Children Behave with Santa Claus

Santa knows if you've been naughty or nice, and this holiday season, the
men who put on the red suit are spilling the beans about how kids, and
adults, behave on Santa's lap.

From kids who cry and the reasons why, to
parents who think they can use their kids to prank the jolly old elf, Santa
has seen it all.

With the help of Santa Mike from Chicago and Santa Robert from
Cincinnati, we've compiled some stories that will give you a holiday
chuckle.

You Can't Get Much Past a Child - Even if You're Santa

One Santa says that he chews gum or uses breath mints, because kids are
very honest about whether Santa's breath stinks. Sometimes that honesty
hurts Santa's feelings.

One little girl, about 5 years old, was rattling off her Christmas wish
list, when she paused to ask Santa a question.

'Are you chewing gum?' she asked.

Santa, taken aback by the question, admitted that yes, in fact, he was
chewing gum.

'Why are you chewing gum?' she asked.

Santa fessed up and admitted that he chews gum so that his breath would
be nice for the children.

'OK,' she said, and went back to her list without skipping a beat.

The
Ideal Santa Christmas

• Santa Clause must be at least 5ft 10in
  - It looks incongruous if the child is bigger than Father Christmas.
• Father Christmas should smell of Old Spice and peppermints. (See
  chewing gum above)
• The white beard should be stuck to the face with glue.
• He should have the full red suit, which fits properly.

A Girl Who Knows What She Wants

Santa is accustomed to kids bringing their lists with them when they
visit him. But one little girl really knew what she wanted and how to get it

The girl, about 6 years old and dressed in her frilliest dress, sat on
Santa's lap and proceeded to read more than 20 items off of her list -
everything from Barbie's and dolls to a particular brand of baby carriage.

As the little girl reached the end of her list, she turned to Santa and
said, 'If you can't bring all of this, don't worry. My daddy will give it to
me.'

'Do you want to give me the list?' Santa asked.

'No, I think I should keep it for my daddy,' she replied.

Santa, Will and Guy all agreed.

Christmas Sandwich

It's not always toys that kids want for Christmas. Santa gets some other
unusual requests

One 6-year-old boy sat on Santa's lap and when it came to telling Santa
what he wanted for Christmas, he said, 'A sandwich.'

Santa notes that the boy didn't look underfed or that he had missed any
meals, but that was all the boy said he wanted.

Once the boy left Santa's lap, his mother came over to ask Santa what her
son wanted.

Santa told her the boy wanted a sandwich.

'You're serious?' she asked.

The boy's mother said they had just eaten before going to see Santa and
had no idea why he would say such a thing.

Father Christmas Calls

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.'

A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.

'What's
the matter, Al?' I asked.

'Ummmm', replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas'.

Footnote:
Punishment for boys who no longer
believe in Father Christmas.  They get clothes for Christmas.

More Santa with Children Stories

The Train Set

While working in a store as Santa Claus, I had lots of boys ask me for an
electric train set. "If you get your train," I would tell each one, "you
know your dad is going to want to play with it too.  Is that okay?"

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this
question, he became very quiet.  Trying to move the conversation along,
I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him.

He promptly replied, "Another train."

Santa Gets the Sack

A Santa Claus is facing the sack from a Dutch shopping centre after he smacked a young boy for pulling his beard.

Peter Hendriks hit the boy on the backside in front of dozens of shoppers in the town of
Rijswijk. Defending his actions, he said: 'If I hadn't
done that, he would have pulled off my beard and dozens of children would have been traumatised.'

An Amusing Story Of
Santa with the Two Sisters

Emma and her twelve-year-old sister, Clare, had been fighting a great
deal during the last year. This often can happen when you combine a
strong-willed two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young
adolescent.

Emma's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in
Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and he was
unhappy when he saw children argue and fight. This had little impact on
little Clare who really didn't understand.

'I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehaviour,' the mother said
as she picked up the phone and dialed. Clare's eyes grew big as her mother
asked, 'Mrs. Claus?' [it was really Emma and Clare's aunt as Santa's real
line was busy] if she could put Santa on the line.

Clare's mouth dropped even further open her mother described to Santa
[Clare's uncle] how the two-year-old was acting. When her mother told Clare that
Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.

Santa, speaking in a deep voice, explained to Clare how there would be no
presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He
would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.

Clare, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks
and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a short while, the sister's mother [trying hard not to laugh at
being so clever] asked Clare, 'What did Santa say to you, darling?'

In almost a whisper, Clare, sadly but matter-of-factly stated, 'Mummy,
Santa said he won't be bringing any toys to Emma this year.'

Santa Sparks Romance

It's not only kids who make their way onto Santa's lap. There's something
about the jolly man in the red suit that sparks a bit of romance in certain
couples.

One Santa says that he sees about two or three young men every season who
use Santa to help propose to their girlfriends. Sometimes it works like a
charm. Other times, not so much.

In one case, the suitor was positive that his girlfriend would ask Santa
for an engagement ring. But when Santa asked the young lady what she wanted,
her reply was, 'A refrigerator for our new condo.'

Her boyfriend stood nearby, perplexed. Santa seeing the sweat beginning
to form on his forehead asked,'"Are you sure there isn't anything else you
want?'

'No, I think that's it,' she replied.

Santa asked her if she wanted something else one more time, not for her
sake, but for the boyfriend's.

The boyfriend finally took the hint, got down on one knee and proposed.

This time, she said 'yes'. How's that for good will toward men?

Christmas Poems For Children

 Talking Turkeys

Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos' turkeys just wanna hav fun

Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.
Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas,
Don't eat it, keep it alive,
It
could be yu mate, an not on your plate
Say, Yo! Turkey I'm on your side.

I got lots of friends who are turkeys
An all of dem fear christmas
time,
Dey wanna enjoy it, dey say humans destroyed it
An humans are
out of dere mind,
Yeah, I got lots of friends who are turkeys
Dey
all hav a right to a life,
Not to be caged up an genetically made up
By any farmer an his wife.

Turkeys just wanna play reggae
Turkeys just wanna hip-hop
Can yu
imagine a nice young turkey saying,
'I cannot wait for de chop',
Turkeys like getting presents, dey wanna watch christmas TV,
Turkeys hav
brains an turkeys feel pain
In many ways like yu an me.

I once knew a turkey called ... Turkey
He said "Benji explain to me
please,
Who put de turkey in christmas
An what happens to christmas
trees?",
I said "I am not too sure turkey
But it's nothing to do wid
Christ Mass
Humans get greedy an waste more dan need be
An business
men mek loadsa cash'.

Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens

Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown
beans,
Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
An spare dem de cut of de
knife,
Join Turkeys United an dey'll be delighted
An yu will mek new
friends 'FOR LIFE'.

by Benjamin Obadiah Iqbal Zephaniah

 Santa's Coming

A good time is coming, I wish it were here,
The very best time in the
whole of the year;
I'm counting each day on my fingers and thumbs --
The weeks that must pass before Santa Claus comes.
Then when the first
snowflakes begin to come down,
And the wind whistles sharp and the
branches are brown,
I'll not mind the cold, though my fingers it numbs,
For it brings the time nearer when Santa Claus comes.

 I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas

Funny Christmas poem by Spike Milligan

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I'm
walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the only thing for me.

I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people
just look at me,
And say it's a publicity stunt.

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.

An immigrant lad, loved an Irish colleen
From Dublin Galway Bay.
He
longed for her arms,
But she spurned his charms,
And sailed o'er the
foam away

She left the lad by himself, on his own
All alone, a-sorrowing
And
sadly he dreamed, or at least that's the
way it seemed, buddy,
That an
angel choir did sing -
An angel choir did sing.

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea.
I'm
walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the finest thing for me.

And so I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front.
But
people just laughed, and said,
"It's a publicity stunt".

So I'm walking backwards for Christmas
To prove that I love you.

If I could write words
Like leaves on an autumn forest floor,
What
a bonfire my letters would make.
If I could speak words of water,
You
would drown when I said
"I love you."

Santa's New Idea

Said Santa Claus
One winter's night,
'I really think it's only
right
That gifts should have a little say
'Bout where they'll be on
Christmas Day.'
So then and there
He called the toys
Intended for
good girls and boys,
And when they'd settled down to hear,
He made his
plan for them quite clear.
These were his words:
'Soon now,' he said,
'You'll all be speeding off with me
To being the Christmas joy and cheer
To little ones both far and near.
'Here's my idea,
It seems but fair
That you should each one have a share
In choosing homes where you will
stay
On and after Christmas Day.
'Now the next weeks
Before we go
Over the miles of glistening snow
Find out the tots that you like best
And think much nicer than the rest.'
The toys called out
'Hurrah!
Hurrah!
What fun to live always and play
With folks we choose -
they'll surely be
Selected very carefully.'
So, children dear,
When
you do see
Your toys in socks or on a tree,
You'll know in all the
world 'twas you
They wanted to be given to.

Before the Paling of the Stars

Before the paling of the stars,
Before the winter morn,
Before the
earliest cock crow,
Jesus Christ was born:
Born in a stable,
Cradled in a manger,
In the world his hands had made
Born a stranger.

Priest and king lay fast asleep
In Jerusalem;
Young and old lay
fast asleep
In crowded Bethlehem;
Saint and angel, ox and ass,
Kept
a watch together
Before the Christmas daybreak
In the winter weather.

Jesus on his mother's breast
In the stable cold,
Spotless lamb of
God was he,
Shepherd of the fold:
Let us kneel with Mary maid,
With
Joseph bent and hoary,
With saint and angel, ox and
ass,
To hail the
King of Glory.
by Christina Georgina Rossetti

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey,
On the dusty road.
Got to keep on
plodding onwards,
With your precious load.
Been a long time, little
donkey,
Through the winter's night.
Don't give up now, little donkey,
Bethlehem's in sight.
Little donkey, little donkey,
Had a heavy day.
Little donkey, carry Mary
safely on her way.
Do not falter, little
donkey,
There's a star ahead.
It will guide you, little donkey,
To
a cattle shed.

See more about
Little Donkey

Christmas is Here

A good time is coming, I wish it were here,
The very best time in the
whole of the year;
I'm counting each day on my fingers and thumbs --
The weeks that must pass before Santa Claus comes.

Then when the first snowflakes begin to come down,
And the wind
whistles sharp and the branches are brown,
I'll not mind the cold,
though my fingers it numbs,
For it brings the time nearer when Santa
Claus comes

There's More to Christmas...

There's more, much more to Christmas
Than candle-light and cheer;
It's the spirit of sweet friendship
That brightens all the year;
It's thoughtfulness and kindness,
It's hope reborn again,
For peace,
for understanding
And for goodwill to men!

Drawn by Shaeleigh Spracklin, age 11, of St. Lazare, Canada.

See more Christmas
poems.

Four Favourite, Fun and Beautiful Poems from Children to their Parents
at Christmas

1. Merry Christmas

When I think of all the things you do,
The ways in which you care,
I'm filled with a sense of gratitude and pride
That is always there.
I
seldom take the time to tell you
That I'm happy you're my mom and dad;
So I'll tell you now what's in my heart,
'You're the best that I could
have!'

2. For Mother and Father

This special Christmas wish
That comes with love to you
Brings
warm and heartfelt thanks
For all the thoughtful things you do--
It
also comes to let you know
You both mean more each day
To everyone
your lives have touched
In such a loving way.
Happy Christmas, Mum and
Dad
With Love

3. Happy Christmas

The things we feel the deepest
Are the hardest things to say
But
dear parents you must know
How much I love you anyway
And now that it
is Christmas
I'm hoping you'll know too
How much I'm wishing
happiness
With all my heart for you.

4. Home is With Parents

Home is where parents and memories live,
Full of the love only
families can give,
It's a place where you learn
and a place where you
play,
It's a cosy retreat on a cold winter's day

It's warm and familiar and yet always new,
A place where there's
always a welcome for you,
Home is where laughter and happiness grow,
A
place you'll remember wherever you go.

Merry Christmas to both of you
With love

Five Favourite Fun Poems from Parents to Children at Christmas

[Best read aloud]

1. Little Christmas Carollers

We are a band of carollers,
We march through frost and snow,
But
care not for the weather
As on our way we go.

At every hall or cottage
That stands upon our way,
We stop to give
the people
Best wishes for the day.

We pray a merry Christmas,
Made bright by Christmas cheer,
With
peace, and hope, and gladness
And all they may hold dear.

And for all those that happen
To pass us on our way
We have a
smile, and wish them
A merry Christmas-day.
by L.A France

2. The best gift at Christmas is easy to see

Its not wrapped in paper or under the tree
Cos' the best gift at
Christmas and all the year through
Is having a child as special as you! 

3. The funniest face

Looked out at me
From a silver ball
On the Christmas tree.
At
first I thought
It was Santa's elf,
But I looked again and
It was
just myself!

4. Christmas Is Coming

Christmas is coming,
The geese are getting fat,
Please to put a
penny in an old man's hat;
If you haven't got a penny a ha'penny will do,
If you haven't got a ha'penny, God bless you.

5. A Chubby Snowman

A chubby little snowman
Had a carrot nose.
Along came a bunny,
and what do you suppose?
That hungry little bunny,
Looking for some
lunch,
Grabbed that snowman's nose,
Nibble, nibble, crunch!

Footnote:
Please send us more of your funny stories
about Santa
with children.