Paraprosdokian Jokes

Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech, which is well understood by comedians, hence our inclusion on this
site

The key point is that the final words make the reader see the first part of the
sentence in a new light.

• Funny Examples of
  Paraprosdokian
• Ten More
  Descriptive Paraprosdokian Examples
• Funny English Words
  with Quirky Logic
• How
  Comedians Develop Paraprosdokian in Their Humour
• Will and Guy
  Select Their Top Ten Quirky Words

Will and Guy's Hilarious and
Funny Examples of Paraprosdokian

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way; so I
  stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and
  beat you with experience.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it's still on the list.
• Light travels faster than sound; this is why some people appear
  bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people
  have more than one child?
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
  in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
  cheese.

Ten More
Descriptive Paraprosdokian Examples

1. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
   proceed to tell you why it isn't.
2. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
   research.
3. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
   stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
4. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
   whole box to start a campfire?
5. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
6. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that
   you don't need it.
7. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
8. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
   stars, but they have to check when you say the paint is wet?
9. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
   and 50 for Miss America ?
10. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
    successful man is usually another woman.

This list is is by no means complete, so please send us your
Paraprosdokian examples.

Nearly Paraprosdokianisms

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
  skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good
  ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back!
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
  that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if
  you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
  with.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so
  they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and
  a shot of tequila (Diet Coke).
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
  Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
  hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
  imagination whatsoever.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
  when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people
  have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  Have a great
  day or pretend to!

Paraprosdokian Definition

Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech, which little known by the general
public, but is well understood by satirsts.  The key feature is that the final words make the listener
reinterpret the first part of the sentence.

Not
Paraprosdokian Examples - Just Quirky English Logic

• Have you noticed that
  there is neither apple nor
  pine in pineapple.
• And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
  fing, grocers don't
  groce and hammers don't
  ham?
• Quicksand only works slowly.
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
  the plural of booth beeth?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• See Examples of Quirky Engrish humour

Will and Guy
Select Their Top Ten Quirky Words:

1. Barking: Thought to be named after the London suburb, home to a
   former asylum site; hence 'Barking mad'.
2. Binge: A bout of uncontrolled indulgence.
3. Blighty: A word much loved by RAF types in WW2.  Originally
   from the Hindi word "bilayati" meaning foreign.
4. Blimey: Could be shorthand for "God, blind me."
5. Chum: A "chummy" used to be a chimney sweep's assistant.
6. Cuppa: First used for tea by PG Wodehouse, the playwright.
7. Dear: From an old English word, "deore", meaning "much loved."
8. Grotty: Sixties Liverpool slang.
9. Jolly: From an old French word meaning "festive".
10. Slag: Derived from a 16th century German word meaning "dross".

Footnote:
Please send us your examples of Paraprosdokian
jokes.