- Wedding Jokes - One liners by the famous
- Clean Short Stories for wedding day speech
- Mother-in-Law Joke
- Wedding Jokes - Funy Pictures
Wedding Jokes - Tasters
- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
- Ronnie Corbett: Do think marriage is a lottery? Ronnie Barker: No. With a lottery you do have a slight chance.
- Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
- Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
- A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
- When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
- I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
- Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
- A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'
- A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.'
- How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
- A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Those wanting to be marriedFather Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. 'Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?' Father Henry requested. Immediately; nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Best ManA groom chose his pet dog as the best man for his wedding reports the Metro. Paul Nock told his new wife Kelly years ago that he wanted Scooby by his side on their big day. The health and safety training organiser, from Hull, said, 'I was away working in Dubai when the wedding arrangements were made and didn't think she would let it happen. But when we got into the register office I turned round and there he was walking up the aisle, with the rings tied around his neck.' The 27-year-old bride added: 'It was a wonderful surprise.'
Wedding present - kindly sent in by JC.I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter's wedding. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organised with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause) There is a special thanks for uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause) The bride would like to ask uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary.
6 Million Dollar QuestionMarried for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem. 'Come on Liz, admit it,' he ranted, 'You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?' 'You really are silly, Paul,' retorted Liz loudly, 'I couldn't care less who left it to you.'
How well do you know your partner ask Will and Guy?Relationships can be very puzzling as we all know. Take celibacy, for example; this can be a choice, or a condition imposed by environmental factors. While attending a special Marriage Awareness Weekend in Doncaster, Yorkshire, England, Nicky and Victoria listened to the facilitator intone, 'It is so very important that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.' He turned to the men and asked, 'Can you each name your wife's favourite flower?' Nicky leaned over, touched Victoria's arm gently and whispered, 'Self raising, isn't it?' Thus began Nicky's life of celibacy.
Bad Hair DayOn the wedding day, everything went well. Nevertheless, Luke thought that everyone must have seen his toupee. Next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, 'What's the matter, daddy? Why are you looking so down in the mouth so?' 'I'm not really sad, darling,' Luke replies, 'it's just that I'm sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a wig.' 'No they didn't, daddy,' she answers, 'No one I told knew.'
Mother-in-law jokeHarry was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse. It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there. The farmer replied, 'Eddie's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.' 'Well, 'replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.' 'Nope, 'said Giles.' We all just want to buy his donkey.'
Wedding Anniversary StoryJohn wants to get his beautiful wife, Emma, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a mobile telephone. Emma is excited, she loves her phone. John shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone. On Monday Emma goes shopping in the local supermarket. Her phone rings and it's her husband, 'Hi ya, Emma, 'he says, 'how do you like your new phone?' Emma replies, 'I just love it, it's so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one feature that I really don't understand though.' 'What's that, Emma?' asks the husband. 'How did you know that I was at Wal-Mart?'
Another Joke you could NOT tell in a Wedding SpeechA couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he' d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!'
Computer Wedding Jokewedding Jokes P.S. Please write to Will and Guy if you have any good wedding jokes.
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