Funny Wine Jokes


Funny wine jokes

I am thinking about having a wine tasting party.
You bring the wine;
I'll taste it.  Anon


No Wine?

Go Away

No Problem - Let's Have a Take-away!

Wine Jokes

Drink and Lay Down, or
Down Drink?Secrets of enjoying wine

Lay down drink

You a Wine Enthusiast?

I'm a wine enthusiast, the more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I


No matter how full your glass, you believe it's not full enough.

7-Up: More Drinking Trivia

  1. The world's oldest known recipe - is for beer!
  2. Distilled spirits such as brandy, gin, rum,
    tequila, contain no carbohydrates, no fats and no cholesterol of any
  3. The word 'toast,' which means wishing good health
    originated in ancient Rome where a piece of toasted bread was literally
    dropped into wine.
  4. Most people think that drinking alcohol raises
    the body temperature. Alcohol actually lowers the body temperature.
  5. In England, in days gone by, a whistle was baked
    into the rim or handle of ceramic cups used by pub patrons. When they
    wanted a refill, they used the whistle to get service. So when people
    went drinking, they would "wet their whistle."
  6. It's impossible to create wine of over 18%
    alcohol by fermentation alone.
  7. Most vegetable and almost all fruits contain a
    small amount of alcohol in them.

Wine from a Vending Machine
Funny Wine Machine

The French will hate it, but the Americans have invented a new
way to sell their wine. Shoppers in the US state of
Pennsylvania, have been given the chance to buy their favourite tipple
from a wine vending machine. The state has some of the strictest alcohol
laws in the country and until now wine has only been sold at state-owned

The machines checks not only the buyer's identification for proof of
age but also includes a built-in breathalyser to test sobriety.

A few machines are being tested at supermarkets before more are placed.

A Wife Sends Her Husband to a Grocery Store:

"And don't forget to buy the milk, do you hear me?!"
"I hear you..."

"And take the low fat one, don't mix up!"
"Take it easy, I won't..."

"And don't buy wine instead, like you did the last time, do you
"Of course I remember..."

"And no beer, like the time before that, understand?!"
"I do, I

"Well, go then!"

... Ten minutes later in the grocery store:

"What did she tell me to buy -
was it wine or beer? Oh, well, I'll better take both, just in case."

More Funny Wine Jokes

A Good Wife is Hard to Find

Nigel and Trevor, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a
photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with
their wives, in Les Lacs du Verger, France, last year.

Finding a good woman

Slurping a large Ch√Ęteau Mont-Redon, Nigel announces, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife, she hasn't
spoken to me in eighteen months.'

Trevor downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while
responds, 'Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.'

The Lord's Miracle?

Father O'Reilly was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding
in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's
breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

'Only water', replied Father O'Reilly.

The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it

Fascinating Trivia and About Drinking

  1. Christopher Columbus brought Sherry on his voyage
    to the New World.
  2. Abraham Lincoln held a liquor license and
    operated several taverns.
  3. The national anthem of United States "The Star Spangled
    Banner," was written to the tune of a drinking song.
  4. Bourbon is the official spirit of the United
    States, by act of Congress.
  5. Bourbon takes its name from Bourbon County in Kentucky.
  6. The first recruiting station of the US Marines
    was a bar.
  7. It is estimated that there are 49 million bubbles in a
    bottle of champagne.
  8. It is illegal to feed alcohol to moose in Alaska
    and fish in Ohio.
  9. Beer, selling in bottles, began in 1850 and in
    cans in 1935.
  10. The USA has the highest minimum drinking age in
    the entire world.

Amusing Wine Fact

You'll be delighted to know that drinking wine does not make you fat.
Will and Guy have discovered that it makes you lean: against tables,
chairs, floors, walls and people.

The Bottle of Wine Parable

Huang Chan was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his
farmhand, Wong. Huang Chan gave Wong a bottle and said, 'Buy me a bottle of

Wong, the poor farmhand enquired, 'How can I buy you wine with no
money at all?'
Huang Chan replied disdainfully, 'Anyone can buy wine
with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money.'

Time elapsed and Wong eventually returned farmhand returned with the
empty bottle. He handed the bottle to Huang Chan and murmured, 'Enjoy the
wine, please.'

Staring at the empty bottle with some dismay, Huang asked, 'There is
no wine, how can I enjoy this?'

Wong replied to Huang Chan, with a straight face, 'Anyone can enjoy wine
if there is some.  It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is

Huang Chan made a choking sound but was unable to utter a word.

Please send us your funny wine jokes.

See more clean drunk jokes and funny bartender stories:

Funny drink jokes   •
Irish video   •
Funny Bartender   •
Hillbilly jokes   •
Funny drunk signs   •

Funny drinking stories   •
Doctor's drinking advice   •
Drunk stories   •
Pub jokes   •
Drinking guide

Beer Trivia   •
Milkman stories   •
Bus driver jokes   •
Test for drunks   •
Funny pub names