Funny Tour de France Jokes

Le Tour de France Trivia

Why Do They Do That?

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. .. why would they torture themselves like that?" "Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros? "Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus, "But why do all the others do it?"

Funny Short Tour de France Jokes

  1. The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the road.
  2. Learn to ride a bicycle.  You will not regret it if you live. - Mark Twain
  3. 'I've really had it with my dog,' said Shelagh to her neighbour. 'He'll chase anyone on a bicycle. Hmmm, that is a problem,' said the neighbour. 'What are you thinking of doing about it?' 'Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike,' answered Shelagh.Funny French Jokes
  4. Two pieces of black tarmac are standing chatting at the bar, when in walks a piece of green tarmac.The piece of green tarmac demands a pint of bitter from the landlord in a menacing manner, downs it in one, slams his money on the bar and walks out. The landlord turns to the two pieces of black tarmac and says, 'Well I'm glad he didn't cause any trouble - I've heard he's a bit of a cyclepath.'
  5. Did you hear about the idiot who won the Tour De France?  He did a lap of honour.

An Alternative View: French Dope Testing Methods Revealed  Thanks to Terry C Wise

Anti French Sentiment [Not supported by Will and Guy] CNN is reporting that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 7th Tour de France title.  In a random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong's hotel room. The 3 substances banned by the French, that were found in Lance's hotel room were as follows:
  1. Toothpaste
  2. Deodorant
  3. Soap

Funny French Notices

Seen in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

How I Beat Lance Armstrong

'I don't remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong' commented Eric, the Sun journalist. 'When would that have occurred?'  'In the seventh stage of the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle - but he still won the tour!'

The Devil Rides with the Tour de France

The Tour attracts massive crowds with all kinds of people, supporters, exhibitionists and eccentrics: Le Tour de France Trivia Funny sign to discourage cars The photo of the devil was taken by Bogdan Cristel and Le Diable is known as Didi and is a common sight on the tour de France.

French Jokes

  • Chaussee deformer? - Are you a contortionist?
  • Coup de grace - A lawn mower.
  • La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels.
  • The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know. - P.J O'Rourke
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Comedian Borat in the Tour de France

Funny sign to discourage cars

An Irish Perspective on the Tour de France

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub when the Tour de France came on the main TV channel RTé. Mick and Seamus watched the cyclists for a while then Seamus asked, "Why do they do that?" "Do what?" said Mick "Go on them bikes for miles and miles, up and down the hills, round the bends.  Day after day, week after week.  No matter if it's icy, raining, snowing, hailing . . . why would they torture themselves like that?" "It's all for the money," says the Mick. "The winner gets half a million Euros (Dollars)." "I see." says Seamus, "But why do the others do it?"

My Dog

'I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle,' muttered Sachin angrily. 'So what are you going to do - leave him at the dog's home? Give him away? Sell him? Answered his friend, Rajiv. 'No, nothing that drastic, I think I'll just confiscate his bike,' finished Sachin.

A Cyclist in Heaven

A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. First thing the cyclist asks is whether there are bicycles in heaven. 'Sure,' says St. Peter, 'let me show you,' and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine. 'This is great,' the cyclist says. 'It certainly is,' says St. Peter. 'You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will always available.' As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a Mavic bike. 'Wow!' the cyclist exclaims. 'That guy was so fast that can only be Sir Chris Hoy.' 'No,' says St. Peter, 'that was God on the bike; he only thinks he's Chris Hoy.'

In the School Gym

'Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes,' said Dave Rolfe, the gym teacher. Dwayne! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.' 'I'm freewheeling, sir.' Footnote: Please send us your Tour de France jokes

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