Funny Tour de France Jokes

• Funny Short Tour de
  France Jokes
• French Dope Testing
  Methods Revealed
• The Devil Rides
  with the Tour de France
• French Jokes

Why Do They Do That?

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.

Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?"
"Do
what?" asked Mick.

"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round
t'e bends. Day
after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy,
rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. ..
why would they torture themselves like
that?"

"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the
winner gets about
a half a million Euros?

"Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus, "But why do all the others do
it?"

Funny Short Tour de France Jokes

1. The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the road.
2. Learn to ride a bicycle.  You will not regret it if you live. - Mark
   Twain
3. 'I've really had it with my dog,' said Shelagh to her neighbour.
   'He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.
   Hmmm, that is a problem,' said the
   neighbour. 'What are you thinking of doing about it?'
   'Guess the only
   answer is to confiscate his bike,' answered Shelagh.
4. Two pieces of black tarmac are standing chatting at the bar, when in
   walks a piece of green tarmac.The piece of green tarmac demands
   a pint of bitter from the landlord in a menacing manner, downs it in
   one, slams his money on the bar and walks out.

   The landlord turns
   to the two pieces of black tarmac and says, 'Well I'm glad he didn't
   cause any trouble - I've heard he's a bit of a cyclepath.'

5. Did you hear about the idiot who won the Tour De France?  He did a
   lap of honour.

An Alternative View:
French Dope Testing Methods Revealed  Thanks to Terry
C Wise

Anti French Sentiment [Not supported by Will and Guy]
CNN is reporting
that Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 7th Tour de France title.  In a
random check for banned substances, three were found in Armstrong's hotel
room.

The 3 substances banned by the French, that were found in Lance's hotel room
were as follows:

1. Toothpaste
2. Deodorant
3. Soap

How I Beat Lance Armstrong

'I don't remember you ever beating Lance Armstrong' commented Eric, the Sun
journalist. 'When would that have occurred?'  'In the seventh stage of
the Tour de France in 2002, I beat him over the head with my water bottle -
but he still won the tour!'

The Devil Rides with the Tour de France

The Tour attracts massive crowds with all kinds of people, supporters,
exhibitionists and eccentrics:

The photo of the devil was taken by Bogdan Cristel and Le Diable is known as
Didi and is a common sight on the tour de France.

French Jokes

• Chaussee deformer? - Are you a contortionist?
• Coup de grace - A lawn mower.
• La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels.
• The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed
  any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit
  outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
  stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't
  know. - P.J O'Rourke
• See more French jokes.

Comedian Borat in the Tour de France

An Irish Perspective on the Tour de France

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub when the Tour de France came on the
main TV channel RTé. Mick and Seamus watched the cyclists for a while then
Seamus asked, "Why do they do that?"

"Do what?" said Mick

"Go on them bikes for miles and miles, up and down the hills, round the
bends.  Day after day, week after week.  No matter if it's icy,
raining, snowing, hailing . . . why would they torture themselves like
that?"

"It's all for the money," says the Mick. "The winner gets half a million
Euros (Dollars)."

"I see." says Seamus, "But why do the others do it?"

My Dog

'I've really had it with my dog: he'll chase anyone on a bicycle,'
muttered Sachin angrily.

'So what are you going to do - leave him at the dog's home? Give him
away? Sell him? Answered his friend, Rajiv.

'No, nothing that drastic, I think I'll just confiscate his bike,'
finished Sachin.

A Cyclist in Heaven

A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at
the gate. First thing the cyclist asks is whether there are bicycles in
heaven.

'Sure,' says St. Peter, 'let me show you,' and he leads the guy into the
finest Velodrome you can imagine.

'This is great,' the cyclist says.

'It certainly is,' says St. Peter. 'You will have a custom bike and the
best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will
always available.'

As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a Mavic bike.
'Wow!' the cyclist exclaims. 'That guy was so fast that can only be Sir
Chris Hoy.' 'No,' says St. Peter, 'that was God on the bike; he only thinks
he's Chris Hoy.'

In the School Gym

'Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you
were riding your bikes,' said Dave Rolfe, the gym teacher.

Dwayne! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.'

'I'm freewheeling, sir.'

Footnote:
Please send us your Tour de France jokes