Funny reptile Stories, Jokes and Pictures

 Funny reptile stories

Will and Guy are collecting funny reptile stories and pictures.

  • Crocodile
  • Tortoise and Hippo
  • Tortoise and
    Cat
  • Snakes
  • Frogs (Strictly speaking,
    amphibians)

More Funny Animal Pictures and Videos

  • Animal videos
  • Animal index
  • Camouflage in Nature
  • Cow Car Ride
  • Interesting facts
  • Lassie
  • Odyssey
  • Snake and Rabbit
  • Sean the Sheep
 

Snake Boy

Baby with Snake

Ten Random Fascinating Facts About Reptiles

  1. There are 8,240 species of reptiles in the world, inhabiting every
    continent except Antarctica.
  2. Reptiles and amphibians are cold-blooded
    animals, which means that they depend on external sources, such as the sun,
    to maintain their body temperatures. Since they don't burn energy to heat
    internal "furnaces," reptiles eat 30 to 50 times less food than do birds and
    mammals [warm-blooded animals] of similar sizes.
  3. One way to tell a frog
    and a toad apart: frogs have smooth, clammy skin, while toads have more dry,
    bumpy skin. Both frogs and toads lay their eggs in water, but toads spend
    more of their time on land than do frogs.
  4. Only a few hundred of the
    world's 3,000 snakes are venomous. In the United States, only rattlesnakes,
    copperheads, cottonmouths, and coral snakes are poisonous. More Americans
    die each year from bee and wasp stings than from snake bites.
  5. Apparently
    Turtles can recognize faces and can do tricks.
  6. A gathering of frogs is
    called an army.
  7. The greatest age known for any snake is just under 30
    years, attained by both the anaconda and the black-lipped cobra.
  8. Effects
    of the bites of both Black and Green Mambas produce neurotoxins, which is
    why they kill so fast. The Black Mamba is more venomous.
  9. Nile crocodiles
    have been known to reach speeds of up to 29 miles per hour.
  10. Crocodiles
    have a surprising vocal range which includes hissing and during the mating
    season they will produce fearsome roars and bellows.

Why I Was Late for Work

Funny snake picture

 Tracking
Your Tortoise:
How to find your lost tortoise

Jane Willimas was so fed up with looking for her tortoises that she has fitted them with a tracker device.  Jane
fixed the tracker device to their shells with a removable sticky pad.

Grumpy
Henry Becomes a Dad at Age 111Tuatara

A reptile in New Zealand has become the proud father of eleven at the age
of 111. Henry, the centenarian Tuatara resides at the Southland Museum and
Art Gallery and was a "grumpy old man" until he had a cancerous tumour
removed from his genitals in 2002. The gallery's Tuatara curator Lindsay
Hazley revealed Henry became less aggressive after the operation and more
keen on the opposite sex.

He was caught getting familiar with a female named Mildred last March.
Lindsay informs us, 'I went off the idea he was good for breeding, but once
the tumour was removed, he was no longer aggressive.'

All's Well That
Ends Well, as Shakespeare would have said.

Toad With Friend

Frog and mouse or toad and vole

Mr Cheeky Toad

frog playing

Funny Frog

A
frog walks into a bank to ask for a loan. He steps up to the counter and
asks for an application form from the cashier, Paddy Wack

'Hey,' says
the frog, 'I'd like to fill out an application for a loan.'

Paddy Wack
answers cooly, 'Do you have any collateral for this loan; something to stand
against your loan?'

The frog replies amiably, 'All I have is this
statue of a unicorn.'

'Oooh, I don't know,' mutters Paddy Wack, 'I'll
have to check this out with the manager.'

Paddy Wack goes to see the bank
manager

The bank manager looks at the statue and immediately
announces, 'Knick Knack, Paddy Wack. Give the frog a loan.'

Footnote:
Please send us your funny pictures of
frogs, toads, snakes or other reptiles.

See more funny animal stories, pictures, amusing videos
and jokes


All sections   •
Cats   •
Dogs   •
Birds   •
Mammals   •
Reptiles   •
Animals  (All)


Ducks   •
Hunting and Fishing   •
Children   •
Funny people   •
Wisdom   •
Home - Clean jokes

• Stupid signs  •
Food   •
Drink   •
Inspirational   •
Short Stories   •
Short computer jokes