Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your drink.
to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Was Winston's reply.
Funny Sayings: Topics on This Page
Funny Quotes on Other Pages
- Funny Drink Quotes
- Funny Medical Quotes
- Funny Motor
- Funny Retirement
- Funny Santa
- New Year Quotes
- Funny Easter Quotes
- Romantic Valentine
- Funny Quotes from
- Funny Football
- Funny Sports Quotes
- Famous People Sayings
- Hilarious Sayings
- Sayings of Wisdom
- St Patrick's
- Wise Words
- Witty Funny Quotes
The only way to have a friend is to be one. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity. But not in that order. Brian Pickrell
- If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison.
a lot faster with two people digging. Joe Martin
- I have
never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. Charlie Brown
- To succeed in life, you need three things: a
wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. Reba McEntire
- His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
- He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not
is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave. Andrew Carnegie
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Anonymous
- 'I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.'
- Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
- A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an
exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to
- When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.Mark Twain
If you haven't yet seen just the amusing saying you are looking
for, try our search box; we have funny quotes for all manner of topics
spread over 40 other pages on our site.
- If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a
mistake when you make it again.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
- You never truly understand something until you can explain it to
- Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word
for word what you shouldn't have said.
- Patience is the companion of wisdom. Saint Augustine
- The only way to have a friend is to be one. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- A bowl belongs to whoever needs it. A Native
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Anon
- Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk
because they have to say something. Plato
- See more
motivational thought of the day quotes.
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me
over and said. 'Look ... twins!' Rodney Dangerfield
Another Batch of Amusing Yet Thought Provoking Quotes
- I have left orders to be awakened at any time in
case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
- We live in a Newtonian world of
Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. David
- Avoid fruit and nuts.
You are what you eat.
- I went to the doctors the other day and I said,
'have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
- There are two things that will be believed of any
man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
- Why is American beer served cold?
So you can
tell it from urine. David Moulton.
- The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual
pursuit that carries any reward. John Maynard Keynes
- No furniture so charming as books. Sydney Smith
- From the moment I picked your book up until I put it
down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
- A judge is a law student who marks his own
examination papers. HL Mencken
- Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer
when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by
a mad notion. Robertson Davies
- If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it.
- Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then
you don't have a leg to stand on.
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
- See more St
Patrick's Day quotes.
Please send us your funny quotes and
See more of funny stories, pictures, amusing videos
and jokes about people
• Medical •
Funny people jokes •
Retirement stories •
• Silly jokes •
Christian jokes •
Short Stories •
International jokes •