Funny Political Systems

Every country and every party has its funny political systems, here are some of our
favourites researched by Alicia Moss.

An American Democrat

You
have two cows.
Your neighbour has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The
people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbour.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Used CowsUsed for what?

An American Republican

You have two cows.
Your
neighbour has none.
So?

Socialist

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Communist

You
have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, American style

You have two cows.
You sell
one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow, which was a gift from your’
government.

Bureaucracy, American style

You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then
pours the milk down the drain.

Democracy, American style

The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures.
The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”

Feudalism

You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure socialism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a
barn with everyone else’s cows.
You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need

Bureaucratic socialism

You have two cows.
The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives
you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

Fascism

You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure
communism

You have two cows.
Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian communism

You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government
takes all the milk.

Dictatorship

You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.

Singaporean democracy

You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed
farm animals in an apartment.

Militarianism

You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure democracy

You have two cows.
Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

Representative democracy

You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British democracy

You have two cows.
You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad.
The government doesn’t do anything.

Bureaucracy

You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows

Anarchy

You have two cows.
Either
you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows

Capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull

Hone Kong capitalism

You have two cows.
You
sell three of them to your publicly – listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother – in – law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.

The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows
because the fung shui is bad.

Environmentalism

You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Feminism

You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf.

Totalitarianism

You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.

Political Correctness

You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol
of the phallo – centric, war – mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non – specified gender.

Counter Culture

Wow, dude, there’s like… these
two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

See more funny cow jokes.

How the Bush Administration Changed a Light Bulb

How many members of the Bush administration did it take to change a light
bulb?

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
   to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret
   stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
   new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
   on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb. Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
   detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush
   has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between
    screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

See more Presidents Day
Jokes